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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hide dh's passport

110 replies

Edenviolet · 03/09/2014 22:53

So that he can't go on holiday......

Last year he had a 10 day holiday despite my objections. He wanted to go this year so I swiftly booked us all a week away when he was booked off. Today he tells me he's going away next year for a week?!?!

I'm not against him having time to relax, he occasionally has a weekend fishing but another holiday????

Dcs all have disabilities so I really need him at home to help me. He is certain it "will be fine". I don't want to argue so am considering doing a vanishing trick with his passport....

OP posts:
SpringBreaker · 03/09/2014 22:54

are you able to get an equal amount of free time away?

JeanSeberg · 03/09/2014 22:54

Book yourself a week away with friends and leave him to it.

HallowedVera · 03/09/2014 22:54

What a selfish knob. When do you get to spend family money buggering off for 10 days, leaving him looking after disabled DCs on his own??

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/09/2014 22:55

A week off is not a big deal imo as long as you are able to do the same.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 03/09/2014 22:56

No! Still bf youngest dc and even if I could I know it takes two people to care for all four dcs. I wouldn't do it but for some reason dh seems to be blocking that out! He knows what nights especially are like so can't believe he's even considering

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 03/09/2014 22:57

I know it takes two people to care for all four dcs

But don't you have to do it all alone when he's away?

Bakeoffcakes · 03/09/2014 22:57

Who is he going with?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 03/09/2014 22:58

It just wouldn't be fair on dcs, atm its a case of I look after dd1 and ds2 if there are unwell in night and dh looks after ds1 and dd2. If it was just one of us and more than 1 dc needs help at a time its mayhem. I've done it before and its too much to do alone.

I'm not saying never but the next couple of years or so its just not going to work

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/09/2014 22:59

That sounds like a really grown up relationship you have there...

Sirzy · 03/09/2014 22:59

I think it's important you try to both get breaks because otherwise you will burn out.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 03/09/2014 23:00

I did it last year but it nearly killed me. Getting them all to bed was an ordeal then ds2 woke up, needing feeding back to sleep, dd2 s alarm went off so sorted her out then dd1 managed one night to turn over and dislocated her shoulder... The list goes on. I was shattered

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 03/09/2014 23:02

We do both get breaks, dh occasionally has a day fishing or very occasionally will go out to the pub. I had a spa day about six weeks ago so we do get the odd break.

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 03/09/2014 23:02

Honestly Hedgehog your relationship does not seem to be improving at all. How does he expect you to cope while he is on holiday?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/09/2014 23:03

Maybe he doesnt get how hard it is to manage all four and by going away yourself he will actually get a taste for what its like.

If you can manage four alone then he can too. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

However, all of the above is a moot point. Having to hide someones passport so theydont leave the country because you need them to help is to the extreme. Hiding the passport isnt going to fix this problem.

Bartlebee · 03/09/2014 23:03

If my dh did this, I'd be disinclined to let him back in on his return.

LuvDaMorso · 03/09/2014 23:04

even if I could I know it takes two people to care for all four dcs.

Um, no, one person will be looking after all 4 DC when he is away, you, not two people. So, why can't it be him instead of you?

I wouldn't do it but for some reason dh seems to be blocking that out!
Or maybe he is doing it precisely because you would not do the same to him. Sounds like he gets a no repercussions break from life.

Hiding his passport is lame though. If he really cares about you all that little then trapping him won't help anything will it?

How is this being paid for? Does he not consult you before large purchases?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 03/09/2014 23:05

The silly thing is things have been loads better and then he comes up with this ridiculous idea.
He is very well aware of the level of care needed by dcs so must know how difficult it will be for me and will leave me exhausted. Also his health has been dreadful recently so he needs to concentrate on that and the surgery and therapy he needs soon rather than planning holidays.

OP posts:
LuvDaMorso · 03/09/2014 23:07

Tell him you are all coming with him next year because there ain't no chance in hell you are putting up with being left alone again.

Shinyshoes2 · 03/09/2014 23:08

I'm assuming he wouldn't object if you were to have a week away
I think it's good for parents to get away to relax and get some space
Physically and mentally
It can't be about the children and dp /dh all of the time for eternity
It's good to get away for mental and physical well being
It's good to have a break from eachother too
I have 2 trips planned next year without DP or dc's ... I can't wait

Original poster
Edenviolet · 03/09/2014 23:08

The cost is not a massive issue (camping trip so not £££) its the fact I will struggle with dcs alone that's the issue. He hadn't paid yet just 'put his name down'

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 03/09/2014 23:11

If he knows it takes 2 people to care for your children how is he expecting you to cope?

Has he organised a family member to b there supporting/helping you?
Has he paid for a carer/nurse to come in everyday?

PenisesAreNotPink · 03/09/2014 23:16

Tell him it's a fab idea that he goes and takes the oldest 2 with him

And then look really puzzled when he tries to wriggle out of it

Original poster
Edenviolet · 03/09/2014 23:16

No, it seems to me like he is planning to just blank it out. I asked him directly how he expects me to cope and went through scenarios. I get the distinct impression he's so desperate to go that he just says "you'll be fine by next year things will be a bit easier, ds2 will sleep better" etc etc. this may or may not be true but he just wants to go.
Last year was a nightmare and afterwards we had a long discussion about how that ten day trip had been a once in a lifetime thing and from now on it'd be family holidays and occasional 'time off' for me and him separately as only the two of us can care for dcs due to no family support hence my spa day and his days fishing now and then. A few hours in daytime is more manageable.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 03/09/2014 23:22

If he is prepared to do all the caring on his own for a week, and he does actually do it, then he should be able to go.

I don't think it would be fair to tell him he can't go just because you wouldn't go despite him being genuinely willing to have the dc for a week alone. So it all comes down to whether he would or not.

Either way, you have no right to hide his passport.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/09/2014 23:23

My response to that would be "DH, you may be right....by next year it may well be easier. Im going to head away for four nights over Easter with X&Y, and you can let me know when I get back whether you think the dcs will be ok for a week with one parent around".

He is sadly only going to get it by having to do it.