to be angry about the headmaster's comments about my love life and officially challenge them?

[extremepie]

Very long story but basically we are having some SS involvement at the moment due to issues surrounding exH, we split last year and he moved away so thus far I have been trying to rectify the issues mostly by myself.

I am having monthly meetings to discuss the issues with the SW and the headmaster of the school and he keeps making comments that I feel are inappropriate and irrelevant to what we are there to discuss and it makes me very uncomfortable.

I know why they might feel me being in a new relationship could be of concern but they had done all the relevant checks and there was no reason for them to worry but the headmaster keeps bringing it up! For example he has said things like:

'My staff noticed you had a love bite on your neck on xxx date'
'Your appearance on xxx date was dishevelled (implying that I had been having sex)'
'In my opinion xxx is more than a friend (this was after he questioned me about my relationship with someone who did go on to become my boyfriend but at the time was an ex work colleague and friend who was supporting me through my break up with my ex' - he was obviously saying that he didn't believe that we were just friends
'I'm concerned about how you meet new partners'

Obviously there were more comments like this and I can't remember them all, but the things he says to me just really don't seem pertinent to what we are discussing. I don't really know how to respond to him in the meetings in a way that is calm and measured rather than angry and defensive - I am getting more and more wound up about it because as far as I'm concerned it is none of his business!

He has also made a habit of being overly harsh and nasty to me in these meetings and on several occasions has made me cry with his comments but he will never do it if I have someone with me in the meetings, only when I am alone.

AIBU? Should I just accept that his invasive and personal questions are just par for the course when SS are involved or should I complain as I am really getting sick of it :(

I mean fucking hell, not fucking OP sorry

Err, sorry have I missed something, am I not allowed pictures of my kids on my profile?

Am I not allowed to post a thread asking for advice as I have virtually no friends or family in RL I could discuss this with, especially impartial people?

What hell have you decided is wrong with my judgement now?!

Seriously you have way to much info on your profile!!!

And there you go. The fact you don't get it speaks volumes.

Of course you can ask for advice but you have pictures on your profile opening the internet whilst you are very heavily involved with SS etc aswell as having info that would very easily identify you.

With what you are going through I seriously don't think it is a good idea. I'm fairly sure SS wouldn't either

*open on the internet

Oh, can't remember who is was that asked earlier but I moved 300 miles away from my family so I could get a job and save for a rental deposit on a house so we could all move to a better place where we could afford a decent sized house instead of an overpriced shoebox, I didn't just fuck off and not bother to see them.

I don't drive and was working 6-7 days a week to get as much money as possible so I could save as well as sending money back for them to live on. Ex did smoke before I left but he promised me over and over that he would give up, that the move would be a fresh start for all of us and we would leave it all behind. He fucking lied to me.

Because the train fare was £100+ I couldnt afford to travel back and see them more than twice and the third time they visited me. Obviously exH knew I was visiting so made an effort to make out that everything was fine on these visits so I didn't know how bad it was until I got the call.

If you really do need it explaining, would you print this off and bring it to your meetings?

Plus the other issues like your son's privacy, you are talking about their lives, soiling etc in addition to details of sex life etc etc. IN PUBLIC. Christ.

I woudlnt have any further meetings with this man alone. I would have someone in the room with me. He is being judgmental, intrusive and sexist. He will be well aware he is making you uncomfortable. Please don't let him bully you. & do tell SS. Id also maybe get support elsewhere...Victim Support, maybe. Don't let anyone think this man's sexualised judgment of you, is right. It isn't right. A visible lovebite on your neck perhaps isn't the best of things but it hardly makes you a scarlet woman does it. Ignore anyone who implies that it does. People are far too quick to judge. Just protect yourself in the 1st instance by not being alone with this man, and making sure you let others know how uncomfortable he has been making you feel.

No need for that. Can you really not see how it looks when you are having safeguarding meetings with multi agencies?

Mistress SS were in the meeting apparently along with a lot of other agencies.

MistressDeeCee the op isn't alone with him there are at least 4 other professionals in the room.

How am I talking about my sex life, I'm hardly telling everyone my favourite position am I! I'm talking about my RELATIONSHIPS, it's slightly different.

I would happily print this out and show it them, there is nothing on here I haven't told them about or said to them directly I posted because I wanted advice on what my next step should be, because whatever else I have done and mistakes I have made, I don't deserve to be bullied and put down by him.

Do you think DS really cares that much if I talk about his soiling with random people he doesn't know on the internet? Practically the whole school knows about it anyway, when it was bad the smell was pretty obvious and we have had so many meetings with various different professionals about it he is used to talking about it.

extreme I can understand you feel got at. But she has got a point re your son on your profile, this outs you and your situation to anyone that wants to look. That's not good.

Also beware of any Facebook postings, that's exactly how my friend came unstuck.

What about others in your village that don't know the ins and outs of your life? Do you really want them to?

So anyone who has involvement with SS is not allowed to post for advice anonymously on internet forums?

You're not anonymous though are you?

extreme, you have made yourself and your sons totally identifiable (you appear to have taken the pics down now, though), which is pretty unwise in the best of circumstances. Given that you have serious SS involvement you shouldn't need other posters to tell you how wrong this is.

Oh fuck it anyway I'm not wasting any more time.

I don't post about it on facebook, I'm not that much of an idiot as everyone seems to think (In RL and on here apparently :( )

Am I talking to all the people in my village? No, I'm not. And to be honest I wouldn't care if they did know because at least maybe then they would have a clue about what is really going on with me and the sort of stress I am under

Have OP had meetings alone with HT? I missed that...

Yet another thread when people point out the obvious to you Op and offer you good advice and all you can do is make out that the world is against you and nothing is your fault.

Has it ever occurred to you that your attitude is the main problem.

No I haven't georgina but for some reason some posters are incapable of reading the fucking thread and just make up facts wherever it suits them