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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mortified! Babysitter related. AIBU?

136 replies

TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 14:21

Went out last night with a group of friends, it was a little last minute in organisation because we've been away on hols so I had to get a babysitter at the last minute, so used Sitters, who are great, and they sent someone I hadn't used before, which is fine, they are CRB checked and mostly childcare professionals of some kind (this one was an ex-social worker) and my children are a little older now so no big deal.

So, to set the scene, like I said we'd been away so in my upstairs study I had my week's worth of dirty washing of my own (I'd put the children's stuff through the night before and during the day) and my husbands stuff had mainly been done.

When I got home from our night out, there were clean ironed clothes hanging everywhere. On the sofa was all my dirty washing from my bag in the study washed, dried and folded, including my undies (and cringe - some period pants that happened while I was away that were separate in a plastic bag that in all honesty I probably would have binned once I got round to sorting through).

Because we'd been away for a while I had some of my less good undies in there too. In fact I could do with a sort out of stuff

Of course she meant well but I was MORTIFIED! Though I tried not to show it. At the point I first noticed washing about I hadn't even quite realised the extent to which she must have gone digging for washing - at first I thought she'd just taken it upon herself to fold some of the clean washing basket that was languishing in the utility room but after she left I had a good look at her stash and realised she had been upstairs particularly when I saw all my stuff there!

Also, she had found hangers and lots of them, which means she was in our room and probably opened my heaving full of several different sizes wardrobe to pick around for hangers! Blush My son told me she had asked him (after he had gone to bed) for hangers and he had gone in our room with her.

Bless her for trying to be nice but I'm paying minimum wage for what should be an easy gig - sitting on my sofa watching my tv while my children sleep. As much tea, coffee, stuff out of the fridge or toast or whatever you want. And I expect nothing else other than you keep my children alive and tick the box that is not leaving your children unattended by paying someone to sit there!!!

I just felt slightly ...violated? I just didn't expect someone to go upstairs and through my bag and my stuff and in my wardrobe...I just feel that my mess is my mess (and its usually in reasonable semi-chaotic but clean order except I'd been away!)...

AIBU to be a bit Blush about this or should I just be grateful and get over it? Can't do anything about it now, of course! Husband was miffed and embarrassed and mentioned it to my mum on the phone and she' was a bit "WTF!"

Discuss!

OP posts:
magimedi · 31/08/2014 14:24

I would be annoyed. She had no right to go rooting through your things. Strange behaviour & I'd be taking it up with the agency you used.

LiveAndLetDie · 31/08/2014 14:25

I'd be a bit WTF, too! I'm sure she did mean well, but it's overstepping the boundaries quite a bit by doing someone's washing and going into their bedroom looking for hangers. Especially considering she was a stranger!

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 31/08/2014 14:26

I'd be very angry and upset, but then I've been called precious about my home before. I'd certainly be calling the agency and complaining though. She had no right to be going through you're things and had actually put herself in a very vulnerable position, you have proof she went through your things - you could easily have claimed something was stolen for example.

googietheegg · 31/08/2014 14:27

I'd just leave it and appreciate not having to do it. Yes it's a bit odd but there's a big benefit!!

HappyAgainOneDay · 31/08/2014 14:28

Well, what about ignoring it this time because she couldn't sit and do nothing. Tell the agency next time that you do not want anyone to explore your house go into rooms that would not have your children in them.

I'd have given her wine, chocolates and a kiss.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 31/08/2014 14:31

I'm torn between being a bit WTF or asking you for her number and seeing if she'd like to babysit for me.

Dayshiftdoris · 31/08/2014 14:31

What's her number?

I won't even go out... I will look after my boy and she can just wash, iron and sort clothes Grin

edamsavestheday · 31/08/2014 14:34

I'd be mortified too but also very grateful.

Laquitar · 31/08/2014 14:36

I would have be en shocked too.

What did she say when you went back home in the end of your night?

Well next time ask for the same sitter and just leave your washing and hangers downstairs.

And give us her telepgone number.

TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 14:39

Hahahahah Laquitar I have her mobile? Lol.

I can't believed she IRONED my PERIOD PANTS! Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush Blush

I don't know whether to commit hari-kari ceremony and publicly disembowel myself to atone for my shame, or to swallow my pride and hire her ...

OP posts:
Pumpkinpositive · 31/08/2014 14:41

I'm with your mother. What the feck??

Nothing for you to be embarrassed about. You thought you were employing a babysitter - not a nosey masochist with no boundaries.

Pumpkinpositive · 31/08/2014 14:42

Have you checked the levels of your whiskey cabinet since her visit? Hmm

rainbowinmyroom · 31/08/2014 14:45

This wouldn't bother me a jot, and may I have her number?

KoalaDownUnder · 31/08/2014 14:46

Jeepers! How long were you out for?!

KoalaDownUnder · 31/08/2014 14:47

p.s. She can babysit for me.

I don't have kids. Grin

Numanoid · 31/08/2014 14:49

It sounds like she was trying to be nice, however YANBU for being unhappy with her going into your room and through your things. I would have felt uncomfortable with that too.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 31/08/2014 14:50

Wow! I would also like her number please! Grin

Takingthemickey · 31/08/2014 14:50

I am googling Sitters straight away. Do they cover London and pls can you PM details of this particular one. Thanks a lot.

PenisesAreNotPink · 31/08/2014 14:50

You've got nothing to be embarassed about - how awful that in the 21st Century women are still mortified at period pants Sad

We need to come further as women.

She did you a solid, what a great deal you got for minimum wage.

Id be a bit uncomfortable at anyone in my stuff but that's because I'm not great at being 'mothered' or looked after - can't think of a better word.

There's something really nice about someone doing that after seeing what a busy house you are - I've got pmt though so ignore me Blush but I feel a bit misty reading that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/08/2014 14:53

Ohh poor lady - and poor you. She thought she was doing a nice thing for you, possibly so that you'd request her again.

I can quite see how this happened. She was faced with clean clothes that just needed ironing. She started that, then needed hangers which meant she had to be in your wardrobes to get them... at that point she had to continue, period pants viewing and all...

She's probably mortified too. Now you know that some babysitters are very helpful, you need to give very clear instructions in future... but then again, that could come across as you have expectations of them wanting to do anything 'extra'...

It's difficult, I'm cringing with you. ShockBlushGrin

ProudAS · 31/08/2014 14:53

Are you sure it wasn't DCs trying to be helpful by doing the washing (possibly asking sitter for help)?

PuppyMonkey · 31/08/2014 14:53

I'd be really cross actually yanbu. It was bad enough when MIL did this when she looked after DD one day a week (I ended up locking my dirty washing away in wardrobe so she couldn't get to it). But to have a stranger do it is way way off.

I would definitely give feedback to the agency about it. In a loving way Grin

bloodyteenagers · 31/08/2014 14:54

Contact the agency. She seriously overstepped boundaries and actually went into rooms she had no reason to be in and went through a bag.

phantomnamechanger · 31/08/2014 14:54

I would HATE this! Shock
I would not even like my DM/Sis/MIL doing this!

MyLifeIsFictional · 31/08/2014 14:57

I don't need a babysitter* but would love someone to do that. But with my prior knowledge of course. She probably thought she was doing you a favour but stepped way over the line.

Would you have her back and leave the vac in the middle of the floor as a hint, like? Grin

*actually I would love for someone to say, It's 9 pm go to bed, I'll tuck you in and you get a good nights sleep.