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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mortified! Babysitter related. AIBU?

136 replies

TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 14:21

Went out last night with a group of friends, it was a little last minute in organisation because we've been away on hols so I had to get a babysitter at the last minute, so used Sitters, who are great, and they sent someone I hadn't used before, which is fine, they are CRB checked and mostly childcare professionals of some kind (this one was an ex-social worker) and my children are a little older now so no big deal.

So, to set the scene, like I said we'd been away so in my upstairs study I had my week's worth of dirty washing of my own (I'd put the children's stuff through the night before and during the day) and my husbands stuff had mainly been done.

When I got home from our night out, there were clean ironed clothes hanging everywhere. On the sofa was all my dirty washing from my bag in the study washed, dried and folded, including my undies (and cringe - some period pants that happened while I was away that were separate in a plastic bag that in all honesty I probably would have binned once I got round to sorting through).

Because we'd been away for a while I had some of my less good undies in there too. In fact I could do with a sort out of stuff

Of course she meant well but I was MORTIFIED! Though I tried not to show it. At the point I first noticed washing about I hadn't even quite realised the extent to which she must have gone digging for washing - at first I thought she'd just taken it upon herself to fold some of the clean washing basket that was languishing in the utility room but after she left I had a good look at her stash and realised she had been upstairs particularly when I saw all my stuff there!

Also, she had found hangers and lots of them, which means she was in our room and probably opened my heaving full of several different sizes wardrobe to pick around for hangers! Blush My son told me she had asked him (after he had gone to bed) for hangers and he had gone in our room with her.

Bless her for trying to be nice but I'm paying minimum wage for what should be an easy gig - sitting on my sofa watching my tv while my children sleep. As much tea, coffee, stuff out of the fridge or toast or whatever you want. And I expect nothing else other than you keep my children alive and tick the box that is not leaving your children unattended by paying someone to sit there!!!

I just felt slightly ...violated? I just didn't expect someone to go upstairs and through my bag and my stuff and in my wardrobe...I just feel that my mess is my mess (and its usually in reasonable semi-chaotic but clean order except I'd been away!)...

AIBU to be a bit Blush about this or should I just be grateful and get over it? Can't do anything about it now, of course! Husband was miffed and embarrassed and mentioned it to my mum on the phone and she' was a bit "WTF!"

Discuss!

OP posts:
NannyAnna · 31/08/2014 22:23

Plus....! At some point before you went out, during handover, I expect you probably mentioned to her you had just got back from holiday and any savvy woman knows the amounts of washing that are the result of a holiday with children, it's not like she randomly went snooping around your house. If she was a snoopy type she probably wouldn't have done your washing and would have just had a nosey round and left it all as she found it.

Mintyy · 31/08/2014 22:26

Don't be ridiculous NannyAnna!

Mintyy · 31/08/2014 22:28

My word, I must be seriously uptight because I am annoyed our cleaner cleaned out our fridge when we were on holiday without being asked.

Summergarden · 31/08/2014 22:30

I work for sitters too. Had to have an interview at which showed enhanced CRB check and had to give relevant references so pretty thorough vetting.

I've actually been babysitting for about 18 years, and especially when I was younger would always wash the dishes and tidy up the kitchen, not because I was trying to get a tip, just because I wanted to feel I was doing something to earn my money when kids were in bed and if the parents were happy to see it when they got back I was pleased by that.

Sadly now that I've got my own home doing similar housework doesn't appeal, plus I usually try to get paperwork from my day job up to date while I'm babysitting. Your sitter shouldn't have gone into your private rooms, but it sounds as though she decided to do some housework of some kind and that she went in search of the laundry basket. I'm sure she meant well so I'm glad you're not going to report her.

NannyAnna · 31/08/2014 22:32

Yes I agree hollie84 she shouldn't do it, but if she asked the son where she could find the washing and he showed her, which is more believable than her just mooching about opening doors in search of period pants to wash.

cardamomginger · 31/08/2014 22:34

YANBU. I'd be furious that she had gone into rooms she had no business going into - rooms that contained private papers and items. Even if she had just happened across a pile of laundry in the kitchen, I'd still think this was bang out of order. Different people have different levels of privacy, which is why employees in your home should ask or wait to be instructed before taking it upon themselves to do something. If she thought she was going to be at a loose end, she should have asked you if there were any bits and pieces you wanted doing - ironing, laundry, cleaning out the fridge, whatever. That's a nice offer, which you may or may not have wanted to take up. And if you didn't, that is your choice and your right.

She is definitely leaving herself open to a charge of theft. And what if she had ruined one of your items of clothing (skanky period pants aside!)?

I actually would be complaining. She'd basically given herself 'licence' to go snooping around in your house. Not on at all.

Mim78 · 31/08/2014 22:39

Ultimately I would be glad. But that is because I am a lazy slob and have no shame.

steppemum · 31/08/2014 22:43

wow
I would be split
lovely of her to do it, she obviously meant well, and presumably doesn't like sitting still watching tv. I would appreciate her good intent.

but I would be really upset, because although we have a tumble dryer, I don't dry any of my clothes in it. In fact if she dried my knickers and T-shirts in the tumbler dryer they would be ruined as they would shrink and then be unwearable.
I would be upset that she had been up to my bedroom/study which I would consider to be out of bounds.

I would let the agency know that while you appreciate the act, it is not acceptable, and she should know that.

RevoltingPeasant · 31/08/2014 22:44

Mmmm Gruntfuttock's comment above made me think.

OP there was no chance it went like this, was there? Sitter wanders upstairs, knowing DC are in bed; DS hears her as he is still awake and goes to see; observes sitter in your study/ outside the door; asks what she is doing; sitter on spur of moment says "housework" or "laundry" and then has to follow through, making a game of it by letting DS "help" find the hangers?

The more I think about this, the more certain I am I'd report.

To those who are okay with this:

What if the OP really had some confidential docs in her study? Would you still be okay?

What if she accidentally ruined the OP favourite item of clothing? Would that just be an unfortunate accident or should she pay for it?

Bouttimeforwine · 31/08/2014 22:44

No, I think you need to contact the agency and say that while you appreciate that she meant well, you feel she overstepped the boundaries and feel that it should be pointed out to her.

I'd be furious about it. No way should she have entered that study or your bedroom.

steppemum · 31/08/2014 23:09

NannyAnna - I have just re-read your post about doing the laundry etc while you are working.

If I had a regular nanny coming in, who put in loads of washing etc, that would be fine.
if my regular Nanny went beyond emptying the dirty laundry basket, and went into my room looking for washing, that would not be ok. It is intrusive of my privacy.
I don't care what you are used to and if you have seen it all before, I don't want you to come looking in my bedroom (or in this case study) for my washing.

But anyway, this is not someone regularly employed who has access right across the house, this is a babysitter who should not be in any room upstairs other than the children's bedrooms if necessary.

I have no problem with clearing up kitchen, washing up, even doing a pile of ironing that was downstairs in kitchen/utility room. (though I wouldn't expect any of it)

I probably wouldn't mind that much if she stuck a load in the machine that was sitting next to it, but how does she know if I wash my knickers on 30 or 60? If she washed my bras on 60 I would be furious. And as I said before I would be furious at having my clothes tumble dried.

way way overstepped the mark

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