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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mortified! Babysitter related. AIBU?

136 replies

TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 14:21

Went out last night with a group of friends, it was a little last minute in organisation because we've been away on hols so I had to get a babysitter at the last minute, so used Sitters, who are great, and they sent someone I hadn't used before, which is fine, they are CRB checked and mostly childcare professionals of some kind (this one was an ex-social worker) and my children are a little older now so no big deal.

So, to set the scene, like I said we'd been away so in my upstairs study I had my week's worth of dirty washing of my own (I'd put the children's stuff through the night before and during the day) and my husbands stuff had mainly been done.

When I got home from our night out, there were clean ironed clothes hanging everywhere. On the sofa was all my dirty washing from my bag in the study washed, dried and folded, including my undies (and cringe - some period pants that happened while I was away that were separate in a plastic bag that in all honesty I probably would have binned once I got round to sorting through).

Because we'd been away for a while I had some of my less good undies in there too. In fact I could do with a sort out of stuff

Of course she meant well but I was MORTIFIED! Though I tried not to show it. At the point I first noticed washing about I hadn't even quite realised the extent to which she must have gone digging for washing - at first I thought she'd just taken it upon herself to fold some of the clean washing basket that was languishing in the utility room but after she left I had a good look at her stash and realised she had been upstairs particularly when I saw all my stuff there!

Also, she had found hangers and lots of them, which means she was in our room and probably opened my heaving full of several different sizes wardrobe to pick around for hangers! Blush My son told me she had asked him (after he had gone to bed) for hangers and he had gone in our room with her.

Bless her for trying to be nice but I'm paying minimum wage for what should be an easy gig - sitting on my sofa watching my tv while my children sleep. As much tea, coffee, stuff out of the fridge or toast or whatever you want. And I expect nothing else other than you keep my children alive and tick the box that is not leaving your children unattended by paying someone to sit there!!!

I just felt slightly ...violated? I just didn't expect someone to go upstairs and through my bag and my stuff and in my wardrobe...I just feel that my mess is my mess (and its usually in reasonable semi-chaotic but clean order except I'd been away!)...

AIBU to be a bit Blush about this or should I just be grateful and get over it? Can't do anything about it now, of course! Husband was miffed and embarrassed and mentioned it to my mum on the phone and she' was a bit "WTF!"

Discuss!

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 31/08/2014 14:58

Grin I am imagining how many of you are going to be so disappointed when you use sitters and come home to find them sitting with their feet up on your sofa having emptied your fridge/snack cupboard and surrounded by all the kids' mess!

rainbowinmyroom · 31/08/2014 14:58

I wouldn't grass her to the agency. Just don't use her again.

AlpacaMyBags · 31/08/2014 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LLARGIES · 31/08/2014 14:59

I think what she did was lovely. Please don't make her lose her job by calling the agency and complaining. Maybe she doesn't like to just sit there and maybe she wanted to help. I'd have probably cleaned your house if it was me. Doubt I'd gave done the washing, but you did mention it to her so she was obviously just being nice and helping you out. I would feel mortified if someone washed my undies, but I'd get over it.

RandomMess · 31/08/2014 15:01

TBH I know it's really weird but I prefer cleaning/tidying other peoples houses because you enjoy the end result of it looking good and that don't have to see it get trashed. If there was nothing on TV etc. I would be bored rigid and probably have ended up tidying the kitchen or something Blush

TheRealThursdayNext · 31/08/2014 15:11

My MIL did this when they stayed to dog sit (for which we are eternally grateful). The first time they stayed she washed and ironed the contents of the laundry basket (socks, underwear) as well as our (not actually dirty) sheets. I know she meant well but I felt slightly intruded on having her go through our dirty washing and bed. Last time they stayed I did as much laundry as possible before they arrived (as well as packing and cleaning the house to something approaching her exacting standard), hid the laundry basket and made a point out of having just changed the sheets. She was hugely offended. Its enough that they look after the dog, I don't want her doing our housework as well nor do I want her in our (my) used undies, nor do I feel it should cause offence to ask her not to do our washing. I can't win.

KillmeNow · 31/08/2014 15:16

Since your Ds helped her find the hangers he must be able to tell you exactly how it played out.

I can fully imagine a helpful person probably started the washing after asking the Dc if there were jobs to be done that parents would appreciate. So she put a wash on . On getting the confirmation there was also ironing to be done she set too and did everything very quickly (as she is an experienced ironer).On making a comment about running out of space , Dc helped her find the hangers -or more likely found them himself. She didnt go through the wardrobes and drawers to put everything away did she?

She would have taken no notice of the period pants .I would imagine she has seen one or two pairs before and didnt die from looking at bloodstained fabric.

Poor lady. Tried to do a good turn to a busy household and ends up being slated on the internet for her audacity.

YABU

MrsWinnibago · 31/08/2014 15:17

My MIL irons my knickers. I don't mind. If it floats her boat she's welcome!

Toda · 31/08/2014 15:23

I think you should just be grateful, please don't report her. She was probably just trying to be helpful.

Fletchermoss · 31/08/2014 15:24

A guest of mine did something similar to me when I was out. I wasn't happy about it but thanked her anyway. Very odd but I'm sure it was done with the best of intentions.

AlpacaPicnic · 31/08/2014 15:26

I kind of know where you are coming from. It's the fact that she went into a room that she didn't need to go into. She presumed that was a pile of things to be washed and took it upon herself to do so. That is not what she is being paid for.
When I babysit (and my rates are very reasonable!) I only go into the front room, the bathroom, the kitchen if I want to make a drink, and the children's bedrooms to make sure they are breathing/not on fire etc.

so... If I went into the kitchen to pop the kettle on and there were some dishes to be done, I would do them while waiting. But I wouldn't go into a study or the parents bedroom because there is no need to be in those rooms. And if i saw a pile of clothes, say in the bathroom, I would ignore them. That is someone's personal property and I wouldn't feel comfortable going through the pockets like I always need to with my own laundry...

ImperialBlether · 31/08/2014 15:46

I've worked for Sitters as a babysitters and if there's nothing else to do except watch TV on my own (this is usually the case) then I always ask whether they want me to do any ironing. I wouldn't volunteer to clean because I hate it and it implies their house isn't clean, but I don't mind ironing if I'm just watching TV.

ImperialBlether · 31/08/2014 15:46

As a babysitter, I mean.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 31/08/2014 15:46

I'm with you Alpaca. I would be fuming, and I wouldn't be able to hide it when I got home. I don't want some stranger rummaging through my dirty knickers!
And I would be mortified if anyone but my nearest and dearest looked in my wardrobe-It's a shocking mess in there. Even I can barely look.

TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 15:59

Kids were in bed when we left, but older child doesn't tend to go straight to sleep so when she came upstairs he emerged to see if she was okay! Definitely not their doing.

I won't be grassing on her, she genuinely meant well, but in doing so did overstep some boundaries. For instance, she could only have known that there was a bag of dirty washing by first going into the closed door of my study - where all my personal docs are and no children - so that's the weird bit, and really anything I put in there should be sufficiently out of reach that I can go out knowing nobody will be looking though when you have someone in your house I guess there are never any guarantees!!!

Okay anyone wanting her number I will SELL it to you, I need commission for my shame Grin

OP posts:
Pipbin · 31/08/2014 16:03

I can't believed she IRONED my PERIOD PANTS!

I want that on a t-shirt.

seasavage · 31/08/2014 16:08

I would feedback to the agency that whilst you can only imagine she was trying to be helpful you were uncomfortable with it. You'd hate for her to be 'passed over' by the agency. In future I'd be really clear at booking what you expect the sitter to do.
And, perhaps the agency should advertise this "enhanced" sitter for people who would be happy (I'd be totally mortified).

Icimoi · 31/08/2014 16:08

I think I would mention it to the agency if I were you. Babysitters really aren't entitled to go rootling round the house and they could have people getting really angry about this. If she wants something to do, she should at least ask beforehand.

Tinpin · 31/08/2014 16:13

I work for Sitters. We are only supposed to go into rooms that we need to access, otherwise it is snooping. She has really over stepped the mark if she went into your study and bedroom. I'm sure she meant kindly but I think it's a bit strange.

summersover · 31/08/2014 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WineWineWine · 31/08/2014 16:15

It was well meaning but completely inappropriate.
I think you do need to tell the agency, not to get her into trouble, you can tell them that she was lovely and you would recommend her, but she does need to know that this is completely inappropriate for a babysitter, when she hadn't asked or offered. She needs to know what the boundaries are.

CromerSutra · 31/08/2014 16:21

Oh god, I would be as mortified as you. I would feel totally violated as well even though she must have had the best of intentions! I absolutely loathe people interfering with stuff around my house and would hate that!

CromerSutra · 31/08/2014 16:21

I'd do what wine suggests.

NickNackNooToYou · 31/08/2014 16:27

Eeek I too would be torn between WTF and bloody marvellous!

Yes on one hand she majorly overstepped the mark but on the other has saved you loads of work.

It would've been better if she said at the beginning she would rather do laundry than sit and do nothing then you could've been prepared.

HermioneWeasley · 31/08/2014 16:29

Assuming your babysitter is a woman she will know about period pants and have her own. You have nothing to be mortified about. Hire her!

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