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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mortified! Babysitter related. AIBU?

136 replies

TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 14:21

Went out last night with a group of friends, it was a little last minute in organisation because we've been away on hols so I had to get a babysitter at the last minute, so used Sitters, who are great, and they sent someone I hadn't used before, which is fine, they are CRB checked and mostly childcare professionals of some kind (this one was an ex-social worker) and my children are a little older now so no big deal.

So, to set the scene, like I said we'd been away so in my upstairs study I had my week's worth of dirty washing of my own (I'd put the children's stuff through the night before and during the day) and my husbands stuff had mainly been done.

When I got home from our night out, there were clean ironed clothes hanging everywhere. On the sofa was all my dirty washing from my bag in the study washed, dried and folded, including my undies (and cringe - some period pants that happened while I was away that were separate in a plastic bag that in all honesty I probably would have binned once I got round to sorting through).

Because we'd been away for a while I had some of my less good undies in there too. In fact I could do with a sort out of stuff

Of course she meant well but I was MORTIFIED! Though I tried not to show it. At the point I first noticed washing about I hadn't even quite realised the extent to which she must have gone digging for washing - at first I thought she'd just taken it upon herself to fold some of the clean washing basket that was languishing in the utility room but after she left I had a good look at her stash and realised she had been upstairs particularly when I saw all my stuff there!

Also, she had found hangers and lots of them, which means she was in our room and probably opened my heaving full of several different sizes wardrobe to pick around for hangers! Blush My son told me she had asked him (after he had gone to bed) for hangers and he had gone in our room with her.

Bless her for trying to be nice but I'm paying minimum wage for what should be an easy gig - sitting on my sofa watching my tv while my children sleep. As much tea, coffee, stuff out of the fridge or toast or whatever you want. And I expect nothing else other than you keep my children alive and tick the box that is not leaving your children unattended by paying someone to sit there!!!

I just felt slightly ...violated? I just didn't expect someone to go upstairs and through my bag and my stuff and in my wardrobe...I just feel that my mess is my mess (and its usually in reasonable semi-chaotic but clean order except I'd been away!)...

AIBU to be a bit Blush about this or should I just be grateful and get over it? Can't do anything about it now, of course! Husband was miffed and embarrassed and mentioned it to my mum on the phone and she' was a bit "WTF!"

Discuss!

OP posts:
Stresshead123 · 31/08/2014 16:30

I totally agree with LLARGIES she totally ment well & was trying to help you out & but maybe got a bit carried away that's all. Please don't report her.

SuperScrimper · 31/08/2014 16:33

I'm with the 'can I have her number' ers Grin

whatever5 · 31/08/2014 17:23

I wouldn't be at all happy about someone going into my bedroom to collect and do my washing. I'm sure she did it to be kind it is very intrusive to do someone's washing without asking first. Although I wouldn't report her it would put me off using a babysitter from an agency in the future.

veritata · 31/08/2014 17:41

There's a difference between knowing about period pants and looking for, washing and ironing a stranger's underwear including period pants. We once had a childminder who liked ironing and we left things like shirts and children's clothes for her to do, but would never have expected her to deal with underwear.

hollie84 · 31/08/2014 17:48

Firstly, I'm not sure that Sitters do CRB check their babysitters actually - you might want to check that?

Secondly, I would be furious and would call the agency to complain.

Dubjackeen · 31/08/2014 17:57

I guess the good thing is that all that work is done, but I would HATE someone in my home going into rooms they had no business to be going into, and doing my washing. She overstepped boundaries, in my opinion.
She could certainly earn a decent living, I imagine, if she advertised providing washing and ironing services like that, but she shouldn't have done what she did.

CarmineRose1978 · 31/08/2014 18:02

I don't think you should be grateful! She invaded your privacy and violated your boundaries. She may well have been trying to be nice, and I don't think you should report her to the agency in case she loses her job but still. I would NOT be impressed. YANBU.

TBH, I would probably want to wash at least the underwear again. And I'm not particularly precious as a rule.

RedRoom · 31/08/2014 18:04

I'd be well and truly pissed off. She was not asked to go into your own bedroom and look through things. She certainly should not be looking through a family's wardrobes and bags without their express permission. It is very intrusive and absolutely not on. I cannot believe some people think it's okay to go into someone's bedroom and rummage in their dirty laundry, including their knickers!

Cantbelievethisishappening · 31/08/2014 18:09

Hmmm..... I think I would be pretty cross. She was obviously trying to help but....... Hmm

CarmineRose1978 · 31/08/2014 18:13

I also wouldn't be particularly impressed if a sitter cleaned my house either. If you're bored while sitting because there's nothing on TV, read a book or a magazine!

hackmum · 31/08/2014 18:14

I would be very cross about this. I think what makes it worse is that you feel you ought to be grateful - what a kind gesture etc. But really, it is overstepping the mark by a long way. A stranger has no business going rooting about in your wardrobe or rummaging through dirty laundry. Also I hate people doing my washing or ironing for me because it's inevitable that they'll put a delicate item on at the wrong temperature or iron something that shouldn't be ironed.

Also, I'm mystified. Why would you do this? Why?

CarbeDiem · 31/08/2014 18:18

I wouldn't like that, I'd really hate it in fact.
I can see it was a nice thing to try and do for you but she really crossed boundaries here. Dirty washing is private and she shouldn't have gone looking around your home for it.
I could understand if one of the dc spilled something on the bed and she washed the sheets and just threw in any extra that was lying around but from what you describe your washing was closed off in another room.

furcoatbigknickers · 31/08/2014 18:24

I think she meant well. Just put her on your never book again list.

furcoatbigknickers · 31/08/2014 18:26

Oh please don' t complain to agency.

Trills · 31/08/2014 18:27

I think you should contact the agency.

Not in a nasty way, but she needs to be told even though she has good intentions not everyone would feel comfortable with her having gone through their stuff to that extent.

wildernessagogo · 31/08/2014 18:29

Did she think she was auditioning for au pair extraordinaire?

furcoatbigknickers · 31/08/2014 18:30

Yes trills you do have a point. Perhaps text her directly so she doesn't get sacked?!?

PinkSquash · 31/08/2014 18:36

Eek I am torn. I have a huge pile of ironing from our holiday (it's a 4ft pile) and I could do with someone doing all that for me, but I wouldn't want someone snooping.

It's kind but so very intrusive

Secretblackandmidnighthag · 31/08/2014 18:39

I would bloody love, love, love if someone did this for me. I have no privacy issues about my washing basket.

Tinpin · 31/08/2014 18:45

Hollie84 When I joined Sitters I had to take all my qualifications CRB checks etc to an interview and all my references were followed up with phone calls.

Vycount · 31/08/2014 18:47

I would ring her direct tomorrow and tell her how nice it was to find all the laundry done and that you appreciate it. Then warn her that not everyone would be so pleased and some might not like her to go into rooms she doesn't need to, so it might be worth offering to do some housework if she wants to when she arrives at jobs, but not just do it.

PuppyMonkey · 31/08/2014 18:47

Hmmmmm. Would you bloody love love love it even if that washing was behind a closed door in your study where you kept all your important documents and lord knows what other private info? And this was While you were out?

I don't know many people who'd love love love that Wink

Vycount · 31/08/2014 18:47

Hit return to soon - you could say you are concerned that she might be putting herself at risk of false accusations of theft.

hollie84 · 31/08/2014 18:56

Tinpin I'm sure they are happy to have people who are CRBed elsewhere but they don't do CRB checks themselves or require it.

Tinpin · 31/08/2014 19:06

Yes I think you are right. They advertise for people with child care experience so I guess most of us have them . I have about 3 for various things.