Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mortified! Babysitter related. AIBU?

136 replies

TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 14:21

Went out last night with a group of friends, it was a little last minute in organisation because we've been away on hols so I had to get a babysitter at the last minute, so used Sitters, who are great, and they sent someone I hadn't used before, which is fine, they are CRB checked and mostly childcare professionals of some kind (this one was an ex-social worker) and my children are a little older now so no big deal.

So, to set the scene, like I said we'd been away so in my upstairs study I had my week's worth of dirty washing of my own (I'd put the children's stuff through the night before and during the day) and my husbands stuff had mainly been done.

When I got home from our night out, there were clean ironed clothes hanging everywhere. On the sofa was all my dirty washing from my bag in the study washed, dried and folded, including my undies (and cringe - some period pants that happened while I was away that were separate in a plastic bag that in all honesty I probably would have binned once I got round to sorting through).

Because we'd been away for a while I had some of my less good undies in there too. In fact I could do with a sort out of stuff

Of course she meant well but I was MORTIFIED! Though I tried not to show it. At the point I first noticed washing about I hadn't even quite realised the extent to which she must have gone digging for washing - at first I thought she'd just taken it upon herself to fold some of the clean washing basket that was languishing in the utility room but after she left I had a good look at her stash and realised she had been upstairs particularly when I saw all my stuff there!

Also, she had found hangers and lots of them, which means she was in our room and probably opened my heaving full of several different sizes wardrobe to pick around for hangers! Blush My son told me she had asked him (after he had gone to bed) for hangers and he had gone in our room with her.

Bless her for trying to be nice but I'm paying minimum wage for what should be an easy gig - sitting on my sofa watching my tv while my children sleep. As much tea, coffee, stuff out of the fridge or toast or whatever you want. And I expect nothing else other than you keep my children alive and tick the box that is not leaving your children unattended by paying someone to sit there!!!

I just felt slightly ...violated? I just didn't expect someone to go upstairs and through my bag and my stuff and in my wardrobe...I just feel that my mess is my mess (and its usually in reasonable semi-chaotic but clean order except I'd been away!)...

AIBU to be a bit Blush about this or should I just be grateful and get over it? Can't do anything about it now, of course! Husband was miffed and embarrassed and mentioned it to my mum on the phone and she' was a bit "WTF!"

Discuss!

OP posts:
polomoomin · 31/08/2014 19:09

I feel conflicted about this.

One part of me is feeling all "Awh, what a lovely lady!" And thinking you should be over the moon that for minimum wage for however many hours not only did you get a babysitter but also a clothes washer, drier and ironer! Bargain if you ask me. Also saves you a huge job.

Other part of me is thinking how it really wasn't her place to even be taking notice of your washing pile let alone actually getting her mitts on it. I feel really personal about underwear too, there's no way I'd want a complete stranger touching my under crackers- especially dirty period ones! what even went through her mind? Would I want to wash another woman's period knickers or knickers in general? No, not really. A bit odd.

Vycount · 31/08/2014 19:11

Sod the knickers, I wouldn't want anyone going into my study or bedroom, particularly when the doors were closed!

RevoltingPeasant · 31/08/2014 19:18

I think a lot of people are missing the point and getting hung up on the period knickers remark.

It's not that she shouldn't go through another woman's period kecks, it's that she shouldn't go through a client's study.

I mean, who knows what job the OP does? How was the sitter to know? Imagine she was a lawyer with sensitive case documents or similar. Or even just her own private bank details / child's adoption papers / letter dorm hospital about her STI treatment etc lying around.

Surely as an ex SW she should understand you can't go into a study with a closed door? I'd never in a million years go into a room in someone else's house with a closed door unless they were there and invited me.

For that alone, YANBU!

Pico2 · 31/08/2014 19:25

If we had a sitter like that we'd probably have a "date night" every week and have our laundry sorted out every week. I'm not too bothered about people touching my stuff, though I know that our cleaner is a bit of a gossip, so I hate to think what our neighbours know about us.

I agree that she completely overstepped the mark. But there is certainly a market for people who will do babysitting with laundry.

Bulbasaur · 31/08/2014 19:32

When I babysat, I always cleaned the kitchen and play areas (and if they were well paying, I'd clean up the kid's rooms). Those are public acceptable areas to be in.

I'd never in a million years touch another person's laundry. But I'm also squeamish about feet and things that have been touching another person's privates. Ick.

That said, she did a favor probably hoping to get a good recommendation or rehire. If she was good with the kids, next time just hide your laundry ask her to clean the kitchen instead or something.

chocoholicanon · 31/08/2014 19:36

Wow this sitter really overstepped the mark. I work as a nanny and baby sit for lots of families and would never snoop or go into rooms where there is no reason to go into, it's about respecting people's privacy.

There is an agency which asks babysitters to do family ironing once the children are asleep, but unless you have directed the sitter to the ironing board and the laundry pile she should be doing the job she was contracted to do which was looking after your children, and as they were already in bed that involves watching tv, reading or as I do playing on my iPad after asking for the wifi code and having a cup of tea, and doing regular checks on the children.

Mintyy · 31/08/2014 19:37

I would be incandescent with rage if that happened to me. I can't quite express how angry I would be. I would blow a fucking gasket.

Original poster
TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 19:45

Just to reiterate I will not report her. It seems churlish for what was a random act of kindness, no she should not have gone in my study, but I have a pretty clear desk, she just shouldn't have really.

The irony is DH has just finished powering through 10 business shirts, if we'd known she had an itch to scratch we could have set that up a treat!

My period pants do not need ironing, just binning, or possibly incinerating. However, his shirts do! Grin

You are probably right about the CRB check upon checking their website - what they actually say is that most are CRB checked through their employment due to the fact they are generally child care professionals, and that they check references from employers very carefully (so they can't just say they are a nursery nurse or whatever). All I was really saying was that generally these people are trustworthy to have in your house, and whilst she was too, it was somewhat unnerving seeing I had met her for the first time some 5 hours earlier. Going from hello, how do you do to "wow she must have got caught short on holiday" is pretty fast moving, even for a non-introvert like me...

OP posts:
hollie84 · 31/08/2014 19:51

If there was a big bag of laundry next to washing machine, I would be irritated but could shrug it off as her trying to do a nice thing.

Going through your house looking for things to do is completely different though. I don't think it would be churlish to discuss it with the agency. Her behaviour was really inappropriate.

ImperialBlether · 31/08/2014 19:54

She's a bit silly really (apart from completely out of order going into private rooms and rooting around) because if you hired her again, you would probably expect the same again. Next time she might be in the middle of a good book and not want to do housework.

I think I'd give her a call and explain all that you've said here to her. I expect she'll be mortified but better to give her a heads up.

Mintyy · 31/08/2014 19:55

Did the blood stains come out? I always find they need a good long soaking and washing on a very hot wash and then line drying in the sun to completely disappear.

Oh I'm so angry for you, op.

partyskirt · 31/08/2014 20:04

I would hate this - would have been in tears minutes after closing door on her. It's so out of order!

partyskirt · 31/08/2014 20:05

Also have you checked nothing's missing? I would think thief or nutcase. Don't hire her again!

Gruntfuttock · 31/08/2014 20:06

I think discussing it with the agency would be best. Obviously you'll make it clear that you recognise that it was a very kind thing to do, but also, several boundaries were crossed and that it really wasn't appropriate, (e.g.going into your study) and see what they say.

partyskirt · 31/08/2014 20:07

Also it's just utterly not normal - if say a workman had done this you'd think he was a grade A pervert!

Redhead11 · 31/08/2014 20:08

I was bloody furious that my dad once went into my bedroom when i was on holiday (he was feeding hamsters) and took it upon himself to wash the pile of (clean folded) clothes on the bed that i had decided at the last minute not to take with me. I'd have been horrified that the babysitter had done that! That is wrong as far as i am concerned, as she had no right to be in your room.

Original poster
TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 20:15

I think she did get the stain out of the period pants! Please say she didn't soak, or sluice!!!

OP posts:
FlyntCoal · 31/08/2014 20:27

As a professional nanny, and babysitter of many years I'm finding this so creepy. I spend my life in other peoples houses, yet. Still am so very aware of boundaries and privacy. I've been with my current family for four years and I still feel uncomfortable going into my boss's bedroom, even though I was told on my first day it was fine! my full time job is the only place I'd ever do anything while babysitting, I do my ironing etc as I'd be doing it anyway. I did once empty a dishwasher while babysitting for a family, I didn't even put it away just on the surface but I got a funny look and an awkward 'you didn't need to do that'. And never got invited back!

I find it odd, people saying they'd be bored or whatever with just tv. I always take a book, magazine, writing to do. Most nannies I know are studying or have hobbies like knitting or writing. First thing I do is turn the tv off!

I do think the agency should be notified. What if the next time she goes into a closed room to be busy she makes a mistake? I'm just thinking of a family I used to sit for years ago, the mum politely asked me not to go into a particular room as that was the room of the teen daughter who'd passed away. I know from my younger sister, the friend of the younger child I was sitting, that the room had been left how it was as the teen had died very unexpectedly. What if there was a pet in the closed room? What if the babysitter got in trouble, all it takes is an accusation of someone going missing... Well she obviously went in the room, so can't defend herself. What if, in an extreme situation, the returning family was angry at being 'violated' and became violent or anything.... Yes very extreme and unlikely but still, going alone into someone's house makes you vulnerable!

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 31/08/2014 20:30

I wouldn't be very happy about it tbh, in fact I'd be furious.

What was she doing in your study? It's not exactly the first place you think of to look for any dirty laundry that might need doing is it? Hmm

Also, although my clothes are very run of the mill, I am fussy about how they are washed, what things are washed together and what aren't and I don't put stuff in the dryer because it shrinks stuff. I would be pissed off she had taken it upon herself to do this.

It's one thing to do a few dishes or put a few toys away - or even do some ironing if it was out and there were hangers there or in the kids rooms, in fact I could even forgive her going into my room for hangers.

I know most people are saying 'she meant well'...

but can anyone explain what was she doing in study in the first place??

Pandora452 · 31/08/2014 20:36

I can't help feeling that this is worse because she is an ex social worker. I find this so so creepy. Yes it was a nice thing to do, but it was massively inappropriate

Original poster
TattyDevine · 31/08/2014 20:37

That's the bit my husband actually had a real issue with Latte.

Why go in my study?

So I'm not housekeeper of the year and I don't want a bag of various bits of dirty washing in my bedroom, so I put it in my study, just don't get it!

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 31/08/2014 20:39

exactly Latte, what was she doing and what else had she seen/done/rummaged through before finding the laundry to do!
it's creepy!

themoonlitroad · 31/08/2014 20:54

Oh, I am WITH you!! When I was about 24 I rented a room off a woman at work. She repeatedly came into my room and emptied my laundry basket to wash my clothes, it used to drive me batshit!

I would beg her not to do it, and still she would.

She also used to make me dinner even though I was emphatic that I didn't want her to, and wouldn't be there to eat it. I used to come home after a night in a pub to a congealed tray of fish fingers that I HAD NEVER ASKED HER TO MAKE.

I am with you on this - she rummaged around and washed your period pants? Fuck.

Gruntfuttock · 31/08/2014 20:57

Yes, it is very peculiar behaviour. Maybe she is an incredibly nosy person who really loves 'exploring' other people's houses and doing any laundry that she finds on her explorations is a salve to her conscience and she rationalises that it kind of makes it OK to rummage in places that she shouldn't be going at all.

flumperoo · 31/08/2014 21:05

She must've been after a big tip! Did you give her one? Grin