Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To use this name myself?

102 replies

PeanutKitKat · 29/08/2014 10:39

We are expecting DD1 (DC2) in a couple of months. I had a conversation with a friend last year about baby names. Just for context, we are not massively close but get on fairly well, our husbands are very close friends however and we see them at least fortnightly. They have a DS too and I would expect them to try for more kids in the future.

We tipsily shared with each other what we would have picked for girls names first time round. The trouble is, now I really like the name she mentioned. I have read all sorts on here about not being able to reserve names, they may never have a child of that sex etc, but I just wanted to do a sort of straw poll to see realistically how much it would actually bother you if you were my friend in this situation. Am just concerned I'm trying to use all those reasons above to justify it to myself because I really want to use the name.

As an aside, the name is not unusual but in the top 50 for girls names last year.
P.S please be kind, I have not made a final decision yet!

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 29/08/2014 10:40

no, I wouldn't.

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 29/08/2014 10:42

Use it. As you said, she may never have a DD. And if she does, her DH may not like the name, or she may have changed her mind by then.
It's not the end of the world if you have DDs with the same name either.

peppercold · 29/08/2014 10:42

I wouldn't.

LST · 29/08/2014 10:42

No I wouldn't.

Hopefully · 29/08/2014 10:44

I think with a top 50 name your friend would be mad to object. If it was something like Tallulah-Starlight, I'd say maybe she had a point, but presumably in liking a popular name she's not bothered about it being popular, iykwim.

FWIW a (very close) friend used one of my short list boy names after I had DS1 and before I was pregnant again. Never occurred to me to object or feel offended (was a top 25-ish name). DS2 has a relatively uncommon name and while it might make me blink momentarily if a good friend used it too, I wouldn't be even remotely upset/offended.

ApocalypseNowt · 29/08/2014 10:44

I don't think i would use it to be honest. I know for all the reasons you state it wouldn't be massively unreasonable but I would feel a bit like I 'stole' it (even though no-one owns a name).

squoosh · 29/08/2014 10:48

I wouldn't use it. As unreasonable as others might think I'd be if I was the friend I'd be a bit irritated that you'd snaffled my name.

But you could always try sounding her out and see what her reaction is. She might not care at all.

SavoyCabbage · 29/08/2014 10:48

I would. She might not even be bothered.

Surfsup1 · 29/08/2014 10:49

Why not just ask her if she'd mind!?
She may have totally moved on and you could be beating yourself up about nothing! She'd also have to be pretty ballsy to actually tell you that you can't use it!

however · 29/08/2014 10:50

No. Not unless you'd said "me too!" At the time.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 29/08/2014 10:51

I don't see the problem with it, I would use if both my DH and I loved it. If it was me and it was a good friend of mine, I might actually mention it to her and gauge her reaction.

But they said liked a name...did they say they were absolutely going to use it if they had a girl some time in the future? They might not have a girl. They might change their mind about the name...I had a boy first and then a girl, and the name we chose for our DD was not one of the shortlisted names we had if DS had been a girl.

Nerf · 29/08/2014 10:53

Next time she asks if you've thought of names, just drop in something like 'oh not yet, really liked some of those names we chatted about that time, before I was even pregnant - do you remember? I love holly, Molly and dolly, probably of those'

sunbathe · 29/08/2014 10:55

Dh shared our possible names with a friend. His friend used one of them for his first child and his sister used it for her first child.

I wasn't that bothered, but I don't think I would have been bothered at all, if I hadn't known dh shared the name. It would have been just one of those things.

CalamityKate1 · 29/08/2014 11:03

This thing with getting territorial about names utterly baffles me.

Yeah sure if a friend you see twice a week with your respective DSs, calls their child the same as yours then I suppose there's the risk of a terribly problematic situation whereby you call the name and the wrong child responds

That's the worst that can happen though, surely?

What if you meet a new friend, get on really well and then find out your child shares a name with hers? What are you going to say? "Oh what a shame! It would have been nice to be friends but obviously we can't be since we both haveason called Herbert"?

What if there's a name you absolutely love but you don't use it because a friend has already taken it - and then you fall out and never see her again? Or one of you moves away?

Use the name. It doesn't belong to her.

Surfsup1 · 29/08/2014 11:39

Calmamity I find it strange too, but the reality is that people do get territorial about names whether we like it or not.
So the question is really whether the OP is willing to use the name even if the friend does get upset about it. I still think the best thing is just to be upfront about it. I loved the name I had picked out for DS1 if he was a girl, but would not have used it for DS2 if he'd been a girl.
I see no point in hypothesising, worrying and wondering how she'll react when you could just be up-front and ask! If she's half reasonable she's unlikely to get knickers in a knot especially as she may never have a girl!

Coughle · 29/08/2014 11:45

The problem is, if you ask her and she says she DOES mind, then you'll look like a birch if you go ahead and use it anyway. So I think you should decide in your own mind first, before bringing it up with her. I like Nerf's suggestion.

Coughle · 29/08/2014 11:46

Or bitch even. My autocorrect was being coy.

Surfsup1 · 29/08/2014 11:46

What a wonderful mental image Coughie!

JustALittleBitLost · 29/08/2014 11:48

I wouldn't use it. It's not worth the hassle. There are loads of lovely names out there.

stripedtortoise · 29/08/2014 12:16

Massively depends on context IMO.

If they had said 'yea we liked the names Ella, Imogen and Poppy last time' and you used one of them no probs.

But if someone (friend I see often of relative) specifically said to me "I'm going to call my daughter Poppy if I ever have one because that is my favourite name and has been since forever" I wouldn't use it.
It would seem slightly spiteful IMO. When there are 500000 names to chose from. I know I'm in the minority here I know.

A relative told me she liked Thomas for a boy when we were both pregnant and had wanted to use it since she was little. Actually my DH liked the name but I said we couldn't use it because the relative had specifically said it was her favourite and I would have felt very snide using it.

squoosh · 29/08/2014 12:23

I agree with striped, if she mentioned this name as her all time favourite name that she definitely plans to use in the event of a daughter I do think it would be a bit mean (and unimaginative) of you to swoop in and use it.

If she mentioned it in a list of many other names it wouldn't be a big deal.

HaroldLloyd · 29/08/2014 12:25

No I wouldn't.

Anotherchapter · 29/08/2014 12:27

I would.

My friend and I both loved the same name. I had a girl first and used it. Friend then called her new kitten it

Anotherchapter · 29/08/2014 12:28

You could actually say you forgot she mentioned it. The exclaim surprise and say that where you must have got it from...

NewEraNewMindset · 29/08/2014 12:31

Oh god you are that person that people on here post about!! I don't think I could do it unless I didn't care about the friendship and could deal with the awkwardness/fallout.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread