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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To buy my DS an iPad for his birthday?

323 replies

ziggiestardust · 27/08/2014 15:49

He's going to be 4, and I think it's be a great idea for him to have his own. He watches movies on mine at the weekend, we take it in the car for long trips, and it's got some games and stories on there too. I'd love to be able to free up space on my iPad by giving him his own.

It's just a posh LeapPad isn't it really?

My mum is getting all incredulous and puffy cheeked about it, but I had a Sega Megadrive when I was about his age and played on it after school with my friends. At least this would get more use! She seems to have forgotten that bit though

AIBU?

OP posts:

MyFairyKing · 29/08/2014 19:37

"Whenever people complain about 'stealth boasting'... All I read is jealous."

Do you know what stealth boasting actually is?

curiousgeorgie · 29/08/2014 19:39

Of course

But those who complain about it just come over as jealous. Why do you care what someone else has or can afford? It's so petty.

MyFairyKing · 29/08/2014 19:53

Well, the OP obviously cares because she asked.

LittleBearPad · 29/08/2014 20:07

I would probably 'give' my current iPad to my daughter if I bought a new one.

I wouldn't buy her one though, especially on top of a lot of other presents. I'm not jealous, I could afford to do so and I love my iPad but I still wouldn't buy her one.

If you want to get one OP, then do but I'm not really sure why you posted as you don't care what others think.

ChickenMe · 29/08/2014 21:13

There's something not right to me about buying a four year old an IPad. Dare I say it sounds a bit spoiled?
I think it's because in my value system it's an obscene amount of money to spend on a four year old who is too young to truly appreciate it. I'd associate such spending with a landmark birthday or a reward for something, for instance. Obviously we all have different values but that may be why some people find it almost offensive.
Further, screens are massively addicting for adults. Can kids not be spared this, at least until they are older? It just seems "too much too young".
If your child is using the sole iPad and you need it, you're the adult so you tell him you're going to be taking it back from him. A family iPad is for the best as you remain in charge. The times he gets to use it will be more special and exciting; I think it should be a treat at that age and the child should view it as such.

Ragwort · 29/08/2014 21:23

What's wrong with spoiling your kids though if you can afford it? I want my DD's to have everything I didn't have..

What on earth is 'right' about spoiling your kids?

Agree with Chicken, Pictish and others ......... it seems to me to be an obscene amount of money to spend on a 4 year old - and the OP admits she has already bought him other presents that he wanted.

I am happy to be considered old fashioned and mean, but no way would I even buy my teenager or myself an ipad. To me these are very, very special and expensive treats ........ not just something to keep a four year old amused.

It's not jealousy, I could afford one, or even two - but I wouldn't dream on spending my money in such an extravagant way.

Notacs · 29/08/2014 21:27

It isn't spoiling a child by getting them material things, I find that a bit of an unpleasant point of view to be honest - as if a child who is given things will automatically become spoiled and unpleasant.

My 7 year old DS has an iPad. In all honesty, it was a decision I made rather on the spur of the moment because I wanted to get him a tablet and I did consider getting him a cheaper one but I knew my way around apple, and plus given that I/we could afford it felt a bit rotten by having DH and I with iPads and giving DS a cheap version!

He was delighted, and is always a thankful, appreciative and polite boy regardless of whether a gift is worth 10p or five hundred pounds.

Ragwort · 29/08/2014 21:34

Of course not every child who has lots of material things will act in a spoiled, unpleasant way Notacs but I am sure you will admit that some children who are over indulged and given everything materially that they want can be very greedy, grabby and generally ungrateful.

We have always made it our 'rule' that our teenage DS saves up for any 'special' purchases like a playstation and understands the value of saving and looking forward to buying something himself. Invariably he then decides he would rather keep his money so in that way I think he probably doesn't really want a material possession as much as he thinks he does. . If we just gave in and bought him everything he wanted then surely he wouldn't put the same value on items - IYSWIM.

And actually I don't think there is anything wrong with adults having a 'better' version of something than children do - it's all part of growing up and understanding that some things come with age and working - rather than just being handed everything on a plate. (This is a general point of view - not aimed personally at you Notacs ).

Notacs · 29/08/2014 21:39

Oh, I absolutely agree with you! I think I reacted strongly because my grandmother used to say we (my brother and I) were spoiled, and I understand compared to her generation we must have been but we weren't! We were very polite and grateful for all we had and I've brought my DS up to be the same! :) Well, so far anyway but he's only 7 although hell probably be a pain as a teenager.

LittleBearPad · 29/08/2014 22:34

What's wrong with spoiling your kids though if you can afford it? I want my DD's to have everything I didn't have.

I really don't like this idea, sorry.

Pud2 · 29/08/2014 22:45

Absolutely agree that I would not buy an iPad for a four year old. Call me old fashioned but they should be running around outside, playing with toys, engaging in imaginative activities and conversation etc, not glued to a screen. From time to time yes, but not the norm. It is also a very expensive present for such a young child. What will he be expecting by the time he's 10?

Notacs · 29/08/2014 22:48

Mine does plenty of that.

He isn't a big TV watcher so the iPad is the only real screen time he has. He also has Kindle books on it and an atlas, dictionary, maps (he loves maps.) I don't think it's compromising his childhood in the slightest; it's adding to it.

NacMacFeeglie · 29/08/2014 22:55

Yanbu OP. On the basis that he's your child and I respect that.

As long as there are limitations to how much he uses it I can't see the problem. We live in a technical world. Already tablets are used in place of paper.

I would also choose ios over android any day. I love the clean look and the simplicity. I have had androids and it's not so user friendly. With ios you do have the option to jail break should you want.

Just remember. Tablets are brilliant but they can't take the place of learning through imaginative play and with peers. Everything in moderation.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 29/08/2014 23:18

... and today's Most Patronising Comment award goes to.....

Nac with Just remember. Tablets are brilliant but they can't take the place of learning through imaginative play and with peers. Everything in moderation

Wow. That beats quite a few others on this thread.

Do people realise that the children don't have to give up all their other toys and pledge never to be creative or play outside ever again if they get an iPad?

It is not either or.

Sheesh.

Waltonswatcher · 29/08/2014 23:25

Aha, am going to start my own thread - how the f do you manage the either bit though? As I keep saying, older kids need monitoring too and are likely to kick ass when times up. That's why parents then ignore the reality of how much real time is spent on screens by kids . It's far more than admitted .

CariadsDarling · 30/08/2014 04:23

Waltonswatcher. You asked how do you manage the 'either' bit?

Well, in my experience you just do. It's called being in charge.

You also said older children are likely to kick ass when times up?

I think it might just happen the once if the parent is in charge and the children know there are certain things they don't try a second time

It's really quite simple.

Fishstix · 30/08/2014 08:34

Curiousgeorgie. DD has never been bullied for not having an ipad...and the idea that I should buy her one just to avoid this surely would just fix in her mind that she must conform or suffer?? There is no way on earth I would reinforce that message for her. She is capable of making her own choices, and every year, when we have presented her with an alternative, she has chosen that.

As it happens she is one of the more popular girls in her class, because she's lovely. (I know, I'm biased, but she is genuinely likeable and nice to everyone...regardless of whether they have an ipad or not).
She manages just fine without one, and is a occasionally (once a week maybe) allowed to use mine for an hour...in our presence.

I do actually like some of the educational tools on there, but I'd only ever want her using it for an hour a week anyway, so she may as we'll use mine.
I don't want her joining the ranks of her clone classmates who at nine already adopt the FB pout whenever someone takes out a camera, who will bring it to a sleepover and sit glued to it messaging people they have never met whilst all the other girls are actually socialising with the people there, and who are rapidly learning that a woman's worth is in the way she looks thanks to all the media reinforcement that an ipad gives them access to. (Along with all the shitty things they can come across by accident and haven't the emotional maturity to handle)

There was an article in the guardian last week citing the difficulties of completely blocking porn from kids using tablets. If your 4 year old is using his when you are not there how do you protect him from that, or even of distressing news items or violent games adverts??

I know myself how difficult it Is for me to restrict my own time on my iPad. They are just too mindless and passive and easy to waste time on. I'd rather my kids were playing, reading or chatting withme/helping me make dinner. I will certainly never, ever get her one due to peer pressure!!!

Eauneau · 30/08/2014 08:36

I am in the YABU camp and would echo what others have said.

One thing I don't understand is that all children of Mumsnetters seem to have very strictly restricted iPad time, but at the same time, need a device of their own because they couldn't possibly share their parents one?

Fishstix · 30/08/2014 08:39

Latte lover I agree that it is eminently possible to restrict screen time on any device, but honestly, when I hear dd's classmates talking about how much they do go on it every evening, and when we go out to dinner and see kids plonked in front of their iPads instead of learning how to sit at a table quietly and actually interact with their companions it makes me genuinely worry.
Of course that's not everyone. But it's enough of them to be a potential future issue.

Fishstix · 30/08/2014 08:40

And we are talking about a four year old here. At the risk of sounding obtuse I still don't get why he'd ever need one??! (Unlike clothes etc as another poster listed...totally different argument IMO)

Fishstix · 30/08/2014 08:50

This is an excerpt from the article I mentioned.

Pornography is now so pervasive and easy to access online that teenagers often stumble across the most graphic images by mistake, and avoiding pornography altogether is increasingly difficult.
The latest study of teenagers found that eight out of 10 18-year-olds think that pornography is too easy to access, including by accident, and six in 10 say its pervasiveness made growing up more difficult.
Emma Citron, a consultant clinical psychologist, says that even those who don’t intend to seek out pornography can end up watching the images alone in secret.
“I’ve seen children in my clinic as young as nine who have accidentally fallen across graphic pornographic videos and have not told their parents. It’s pushed their mood down and caused them to become quite depressed,” she adds.
Children and young teenagers are often emotionally confused by the sexual videos they find online, and can struggle to cope with the emotions that come with sexual feeling. “They treat it like candy, seeking a quick thrill, but it can be detrimental to their relationships,” says Citron.

My issue is that we are giving kids the tools to access a world that they don't yet have the emotional capacity to handle or the life experience to rationalise.

CariadsDarling · 30/08/2014 08:53

I do think its a bit silly/narrow minded to buy an iPad so a child isn't bullied, but by the same token its also silly/narrow minded to turn your nose up at one because you think the following is the norm if a child has an iPad.

I don't want her joining the ranks of her clone classmates who at nine already adopt the FB pout whenever someone takes out a camera, who will bring it to a sleepover and sit glued to it messaging people they have never met whilst all the other girls are actually socialising with the people there, and who are rapidly learning that a woman's worth is in the way she looks thanks to all the media reinforcement that an ipad gives them access to. (Along with all the shitty things they can come across by accident and haven't the emotional maturity to handle)

Or that if a child has an iPad they dont do any of the following

playing, reading or chatting withme/helping me make dinner.

As for this -

Well, some parents need the iPad to work from at home and its not appropriate to share with their children, they are told specifically that it is not for family use if the iPad has been provided by work. Others may just want to be able to use it when they want and not have to joint a queue. Then there are others who see nothing wrong with children having their own iPad, that its not a big bad wolf in the life of their family, they can afford them so they buy them.

Buy one, dont buy one, who cares? Parenting tests? Well we can all fail those if judged by each other. Bosom hoiking? There's no better place than these kind of thread to save people from a real life boob job.

We are all better parents and grandparents than each other - so there!

CariadsDarling · 30/08/2014 08:59

As for obscene amount of money?

Surely that depends on your personal finances.

Fishstix · 30/08/2014 09:00

It may well be narrow minded Cariads but sadly in dd's class it is very much the case.

Fishstix · 30/08/2014 09:01

And the playing/reading/chatting thing was in response to the poster who said she ought one for her dc to use whilst she was making dinner...

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