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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in putting my 14 week old in her own room?

66 replies

Whatabeautifulsight10 · 25/08/2014 22:06

You will see from a previous post that 3ish weeks ago I had a perfect sleeping baby at night. I'm talking 13 hours no feeds solid sleep (I take no credit, she was sucking her fingers and taking herself off to sleep). It was amazing.

Fast forward 3 weeks and dd has hit the growth spurt/sleep regression/milestone meeting stage and therefore it's all gone wrong.

She's forgotten how to self soothe, is up every 2 hours at least and stirs constantly from 4am.

So, to give background I'm a light sleeper and ftm so I wake every time dd blinks. I've resorted to wearing ear plugs so I can't hear the constant wriggling, but can hear grizzles/crying, and we have a motion sensor. Dh is heavy sleeper and none of this bothers him..

Obviously I accept that I will be without sleep but I've realised that DD's sleep is being affected by room sharing too. She is, since last week, stiring at the slightest noise, waking each time I move in bed, I have to wake up each time dh starts to move and hold him so the bed doesn't creak, and poor dd is woken up by dh coming in from night shifts also.

Tonight, I've gone without a shower so as not to make noise, but dd woke as I switched a light off in en suite. I've been literally silent but she's just woken and was screaming.

So.. Would I be unreasonable in light of current guidelines considering dh's shifts, me being awake all night, and Dds interrupted sleep to put her into her own room near to ours if movement monitor was used??

Anyone been in this situation? Did the separate rooms help? Sorry for long post, I'm tired and hiding my head under covers so light doesn't disturb dd who is thrashing about again...

OP posts:
RedPony · 25/08/2014 22:11

Yanbu. SIL had to do this with dn as she would stir with every tiny movement. You need to do what is best for your family and if that means putting dd in her own room then that's fine. I hope you all manage to get some sleep soon.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2014 22:13

I found my sleep was horrible for the first couple of years. Didn't really matter where I was. Programmed to be awake at the first whimper. I learned to sleep completely motionlessly. DH not so much.

LittleBearPad · 25/08/2014 22:14

I wouldn't because of the SIDS guidelines but it's your decision. I don't have much faith in movement monitors. They won't prevent a problem.

BlinkAndMiss · 25/08/2014 22:15

As soon as we started disturbing DS when he was sleeping we moved him to his own room. This was at 10 weeks - it was better for him, better for us and we used a monitor and a sensor pad for extra piece of mind.

He wasn't used to being in with with us and as a result we've had no difficult transitions in moving him and changing routines. The only tricky part is during sleep regressions/growth spurts which meant I was backwards and forwards, but I genuinely think his self soothing was because we weren't there as an easy option for him. He barely cried as a baby and barely cries now so it's not like he was screaming in his cot for us whilst we forced him to sort himself out or anything, he genuinely just put himself back to sleep.

Go for it, if it makes things better then great, if not then move her back.

Good luck!

MissClemencyTrevanion · 25/08/2014 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ameliarose2012 · 25/08/2014 22:18

My DD went into her own room at 6 weeks - she was (and still is) a brilliant sleeper, and was sleeping through by then. However, she is a very noisy/active sleeper, which meant I was getting no sleep at all! We moved her in with a normal monitor, and never looked back! Shes 2.2 now and it hasn't done her any harm! You've got to do what feels right for your family

iliketea · 25/08/2014 22:19

We put dd in her own room at about the same age, partly because she was getting a bit big for her crib (she would wake herself up bashing her arms against the sides as she fought her way out her swaddle) and partly because she seemed to wake at every noise. We still heard her when she cried, but she slept better in her cot. And so we all slept better and she (and I) were considerably less grumpy during the day.

SaucyJack · 25/08/2014 22:25

My older two went into their own room from a very young age as it was the done thing back then, but although they appear to have escaped unscathed if I had my time again I wouldn't do the same. This time round I'm co-sleeping and although I might be getting less sleep, it feels so much more natural and right to have DD in the same room as us while she's still such a tiny person.

Your baby = your choice tho.

Mim78 · 25/08/2014 22:34

Yanbu.

Dd was in her own room at 10 weeks as I couldn't bear the noises.

Awfully I have now only just moved ds as 6 months but he spent a lot of that time in with just dh with me in spare room.

pointythings · 25/08/2014 22:35

We did - but we had a baby monitor that broadcast DD's every breath. And I woke up at every slight hitch even when she wasn't in the room with me.

We mover DD because she didn't fit in her Moses basket anymore and there was no space in our (small) bedroom for her cot, otherwise we would have kept her in with us.

Fortunately she was a good sleeper and I was always good at going back down after each tiny snuffle...

Karoleann · 25/08/2014 22:45

All of mine went in their own rooms after a month or so.
We disturbed each other (as you are finding).
I wouldn't have a little baby in my bed though - that just feels inherently unsafe to me.
I would do what you feel comfortable doing. You can always move her back in again.

robotnikchair · 25/08/2014 22:45

I'm a doctor and I have seen babies that have died from SIDS, but I put my baby in her own room at 7 weeks because she was such a noisy sleeper. It was not an easy decision and I tied myself in knots worrying about the guideline that I was defying. However, I reasoned that as she had the protective benefit of breastfeeding and her room was right next door with our doors open (I didn't even need the monitor) the risk was minimal. Every family and baby is different so its your decision.

EmmaLL25 · 25/08/2014 22:46

I think part of the reason for having them close to you is because your breathing helps them regulate their own breathing - a monitor can't help with that.

Are there any other SIDS risk factors? If there aren't maybe you would be ok. I know I wouldn't risk jr but lots of folk do.

White noise can be useful for masking other noises.

Maybe get your OH to sleep in another room until you ride out this sleep regression.

wigglesrock · 25/08/2014 22:53

I did, due to very small bedrooms in a previous house and shift work. I spoke to my Health visitor when I did it with dd1 and she gave me a tip. If you have a baby monitor, swop the elements around - put the listening part in the baby's room and the transmitter in your room, so the baby can hear your breathing during the night.

Peppa87 · 25/08/2014 23:44

Your baby, your decision.

Guidelines are there for your guidance, if you feel yours and your baby's lives will be easier then go for it!

Personally it worked perfect for me. I moved my baby at 16 weeks and never looked back.

She became far to big for her moses basket, she was sleeping through 12 hours from 8 weeks until 16 weeks. Suddenly she started thrashing around and hitting her arms and legs off the basket which would wake her and couldn't settle back down again. We had no room for a bigger basket or crib in our room and it seemed daft to keep her cramped up in the basket when she had a lovely big cot just a few feet away. She starfishes every night, and sleeps soundly no matter how much she rolls around! She is actually no further away from us now, rooms next to each other, both beds by the door, both our doors kept open all night, monitor on loud, we temporarily shut her door to use the bathroom or if we watch tv in bed, just to avoid disturbing her, but open for the night once going to sleep!

KenAdams · 25/08/2014 23:58

I wouldn't because of the SIDS risk. I think your breathing regulates theirs or something which is why you are supposed to keep them in the same room but the doctor who posted above might be able to tell you if that's true or not.

MrsKoala · 25/08/2014 23:58

I can't imagine being able to sleep if my 2yo was in another room Blush

So personally i wouldn't. But just as others wouldn't co-sleep like we do, the decision has to be weighed up by you.

ColdTeaAgain · 26/08/2014 00:09

Personally I wouldn't just yet. If it's coinciding with a growth spurt then it might be fairly temporary and she'll go back to sleeping well in your room before long. Maybe give it a bit longer, then if no improvement see how she goes in her own room.

Tikimon · 26/08/2014 00:09

DD has been in her room since the 2nd day she came home from the hospital. She was too quiet and I kept waking up to nudge her (and waking her up, who in turn woke DH up). Couldn't sleep like that so put her in her own room. She's been just fine. :)

I think the general consensus among doctors is to put the baby where everyone sleeps best. So if everyone sleeps best in the same room, do it. If everyone sleeps best in separate rooms, do that.

bishboschone · 26/08/2014 00:12

Both my babies went in their own rooms on day one . I had an apnoea monitor so I knew want was going on. I'm fully aware of the guidelines but made an informed decision about what I wanted to do. Both slept for 12 hours a night at 12 weeks . Were I to have more I would do the same again.

stopgap · 26/08/2014 02:59

Mine slept in the dining room from week two, and then in his own room at week ten. I am the lightest sleeper in the world, and will stir at the slightest noise or flash of light, even though I sleep in ear plugs and an eye mask. My husband slept next to the monitor, which was on full blast, and he went and got DS2 when he needed feeding or a cuddle.

I bf on demand, wear babies in a carrier etc. but I am definitely not down with co-sleeping.

Caff2 · 26/08/2014 03:07

I wouldn't, but I have a history that explains my anxiety. I think it would probably be fine, but I also think that the guidelines are there for a reason. If you're going mad from lack of sleep, then you must make a decision, as a terribly tired parent could be a danger too. Good luck! Xx

JapaneseMargaret · 26/08/2014 03:14

I personally wouldn't (and didn't), but my best friend has had her 4.5 month old baby in his own room for a couple of months now (asleep on his tummy Shock) and he's (touch wood) just fine. I don't judge her for it.

He won't sleep on his back (neither would his older sister), and he's a very noisy sleeper, waking everyone, so it's right for their family situation.

At the risk of coming over all 'u no ur bubz hun', you do know your baby hon and so you know what to do for the best for all of you.

Trial it, and see how it goes, if you're uneasy.

Darkandstormynight · 26/08/2014 03:25

Not in the least U!! I put ds in his own room at two weeks for the same reason. I KNEW when the monitor was going off even woth sound turned off, monitor by dh side of bed on the floor! Dc was upstairs stirring and I'd wake up without ever hearing them, dh couldn't believe it!!

I am very light sleeper with sleep issues. For my literal sanity I had to sleep apart from dc.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 26/08/2014 04:48

I wouldn't. Babies need to be near their mother/parents as the sound of your breathing etc. helps them learn to regulate their breathing and reduces risk of SIDS. A sensor pad will only alert you if they have stopped breathing, not regulate it to avoid this.