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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in putting my 14 week old in her own room?

66 replies

Whatabeautifulsight10 · 25/08/2014 22:06

You will see from a previous post that 3ish weeks ago I had a perfect sleeping baby at night. I'm talking 13 hours no feeds solid sleep (I take no credit, she was sucking her fingers and taking herself off to sleep). It was amazing.

Fast forward 3 weeks and dd has hit the growth spurt/sleep regression/milestone meeting stage and therefore it's all gone wrong.

She's forgotten how to self soothe, is up every 2 hours at least and stirs constantly from 4am.

So, to give background I'm a light sleeper and ftm so I wake every time dd blinks. I've resorted to wearing ear plugs so I can't hear the constant wriggling, but can hear grizzles/crying, and we have a motion sensor. Dh is heavy sleeper and none of this bothers him..

Obviously I accept that I will be without sleep but I've realised that DD's sleep is being affected by room sharing too. She is, since last week, stiring at the slightest noise, waking each time I move in bed, I have to wake up each time dh starts to move and hold him so the bed doesn't creak, and poor dd is woken up by dh coming in from night shifts also.

Tonight, I've gone without a shower so as not to make noise, but dd woke as I switched a light off in en suite. I've been literally silent but she's just woken and was screaming.

So.. Would I be unreasonable in light of current guidelines considering dh's shifts, me being awake all night, and Dds interrupted sleep to put her into her own room near to ours if movement monitor was used??

Anyone been in this situation? Did the separate rooms help? Sorry for long post, I'm tired and hiding my head under covers so light doesn't disturb dd who is thrashing about again...

OP posts:

Surfsup1 · 26/08/2014 05:03

I bet there's a gadget that simulates the sound of breathing, if that aspect concerns you?

I moved both my DSs out at around that week as they were such noisy little grunters and I was at my wit's end. It made a huge difference! Yes of course you're still up during the night, but at least you can sleep during those hours when your baby sleeps.

Jengnr · 26/08/2014 05:47

I moved my son at 17 weeks. If it's going to work for you just do it. You can always move back if it doesn't.

We had one of those monitors with the sensor pad. It was brilliant and very comforting but occasionally he would get into a deep sleep or wriggle right onto the edge of the bed and set it off, giving us a right fright.

MidniteScribbler · 26/08/2014 05:55

DS went straight in to his own room the night he came home (24 hours old). I never considered co-sleeping as I knew it would not be for me, and since I can't sleep without noise such as a tv on, I didn't think even being the room with me would work. His room in that house was right across the hallway from me (about six paces from my bed to the door of his room). He slept through that night, and apart from a bit of sleep regression at about six months, he has done so ever since. It worked well for us. I still hate it when we go away and he shares a room with me. I'm a night owl, so going to bed early is not for me.

stargirl1701 · 26/08/2014 05:55

Personally, no, I wouldn't.

I would urge you to update your first aid skills so you can administer infant CPR if, god forbid, you needed to. The movement monitor will alert you if your LO stops breathing but you need to know what to do next. Both the British Red Cross and St John's run courses specifically for new parents.

HippyPottyMouth · 26/08/2014 08:01

I did. I spent a lot of time reading up on it and the risk seemed so tiny that the benefits outweighed it for us, in the context that she was healthy, breastfed and in a non-smoking home. I read somewhere, sorry I can't remember where, that the risk is equivalent to that of formula feeding, and no sensible person thinks that's dangerous. Within a few days she was sleeping through.

wigglylines · 26/08/2014 08:13

I wouldn't because of the SIDs risk. It's not about you being able to hear the baby, it's that the baby needs to be near enough to you to hear your breathing IIRC as it helps them regulate theirs.

If your bed is a problem, how about fixing it / getting a new one / removing the bed frame temporarily and just sleeping on the mattress?

DP, DD and i sleep on the mattress with no bed frame at the moment. Seemed a strange idea ay first but iy was a logicsl solution for us and it's been fine. Will put the bedframe back when she's older.

Hoppinggreen · 26/08/2014 09:07

DD went in her own room at about 8 weeks, I didn't even need a baby monitor there was just a thin wall between us and DS went in his room at 4 weeks.
I know it's not the guidelines but they are guidelines not rules and it's your choice
Neither of mine ever got up in the night to get in our bed, if they woke up I settled them in their own beds. It worked for us

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 26/08/2014 09:20

I would do what you need to do to get enough sleep to cope.

In my 24 years as a parent there have been numerous scientists coming up with causes of SIDS some proved to be wrong and Others still standing.

Personally I think it's like life in general, bloody awful things can happen to anyone at any time and you can search for reasons why to try and make sense of tragedies but often you don't find the answer.

Like can be a bastard.

However if you are knackered from endless sleepless nights and crash your car both you and your children are at risk.

It's a balance. Do what you need to do op.

ChatEnOeuf · 26/08/2014 09:33

We tried this at five months when sleep was still crappy...didn't make a blind bit of difference, nothing has. Only just thinking about cracking it and turns 3 next week. Never had the whole sleeping for 12 hours thing though

DoNotDenyMe · 26/08/2014 09:38

YANBU, we did it when dd was a month old
My dh works shifts so getting home at various times - midnight/3-4am. It didn't seem fair. Plus, dd was a very noisy baby- she would stir as though she was waking up for about an hr an half before she did actually wake.
We had a movement sensor.
Moving dd into her own room worked for us- but I appreciate it doesn't work for everyone. Trust your instincts... Good luck

DoNotDenyMe · 26/08/2014 09:38

needanew · 26/08/2014 09:41

my 2nd dd went in her own room from day one , left doors open , monitor on , everything was fine .

bnotts · 26/08/2014 16:13

My DD woke when my OH snored and I woke constantly cos she was a very noisy sleeper, still is at 3 she yells in her sleep. At 2 months she went in her room, I slept in the spare room next door, breastfed she woke every 4 hours until she was 18 months, but I got some sleep in between. I was too scared to tell anyone she was sleeping in her own room and swore my OH to secrecy. Maybe I would have got used to it in time, maybe she would have got used to my OH snoring , I felt guilty but sleep deprivation is horrific and I couldn't function.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 26/08/2014 16:21

I put my DC in their room at a very young age. I simply could not sleep at all in the same room as them. I thought I was going to crack up it was that bad.

thewavesofthesea · 26/08/2014 16:38

Both of my boys went in their own rooms at 8 weeks; not ideal but they both grew out their Moses basket and so we had to put them in the cot. No room for the cot in our room so had to go in another room. We all slept better!

Original poster

Whatabeautifulsight10 · 26/08/2014 16:46

Thanks so much everyone for your advice and experiences. Last night was pretty awful, I woke her at 9.30, dh woke her in coming in from work at 12.30, and dd woke herself at 1.30, 2.45, 4.15 And stayed awake until 6.30 then slept until 7.15. I keep only falling asleep lightly as the wiggling starts 30 minutes before dd wakes so I lay there waiting for crying..

I think I'll do it on trial tonight, I've really thought about it, and with doors open its 4 steps to her room, I will have a soft nightlight on, I've re-read my paediatric first aid book, I've got health visitor ringing me back with further info on simulating breathing, and she'll be in a grow bag.

She's still in the Moses basket in her cot, but will only fit in this a few more weeks due to being a very long baby, and we can't fit a cot in our room either, so I suppose I'm only bringing the transition forward a few weeks.

Thanks again everyone. I doubt I'll sleep tonight, but hopefully soon!!

OP posts:

TheIronGnome · 26/08/2014 18:49

Could you perhaps go in her room with her for a few weeks? You'll cut down on interuptions from dp then at least? Maybe a (temp) happy medium??

pilates · 26/08/2014 18:54

YANBU.

We did for exactly the same reasons you have stated.

It was even earlier with my second.

poisonedbypen · 26/08/2014 18:58

My first DC was moved at 10 days because I couldn't sleep. DCs2&3 never slept in our room.

PhaedraIsMyName · 26/08/2014 19:02

Mine was in his own room from the second night home from hospital.

miffybun73 · 26/08/2014 19:09

Of course YANBU.

Almost everyone I know in real life (me included) put their DCs in their own room once they outgrew the Moses Basket - usually between 9 and 13 weeks.

MrsKoala · 26/08/2014 19:13

These threads always make me feel like i'm missing something that everyone else seems capable of. I just can't comprehend being able to sleep if my DC were in another room. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Good luck OP glad you've come to a decision that you are happy with. :)

JapaneseMargaret · 26/08/2014 19:34

Everyone else isn't 'capable' of it, though...? Just some people are, and so they do it, because it's right for them.

I couldn't either, like lots of other parents. Some people sleep separately, some don't.

MrsKoala · 26/08/2014 20:22

Everyone i know is capable of sleeping if their 2yo is in another room. I didn't think lots of parents still slept with their children in the room at that age. TBH i couldn't sleep well if DS was even in a cot in the same room as us. I have to have him in the bed to really sleep well.

notagainffffffffs · 26/08/2014 20:34

Dd went in her own room at 12 weeks- she outgrew her moses basket (huuuge chubby baby) and the cot could physically not fit in our room. She was in the room next door with both doors open and I also have the angelcare sleep monitoring system, which sets off an alarm if there is no movement for 20 seconds. I absolutely hated her being so far from me the first couple of nights, even though it was only around 8ft in reality but she has always slept 6 - 6 so she didnt even notice I dont think.
The only thing I can think is perhaps yours is waking through hunger if going through growth spurt?

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