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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my friend doesn't know what busy is.

67 replies

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 23/08/2014 17:37

I have a very good friend who sometimes takes a week to reply to a text message. Doesn't work, doesn't have kids, has moved recently and has told me themselves that they don't have a great social life.

When I eventually get a reply it's "I am so busy, sorry, will call when I get a chance."

Before anyone says it sounds like she doesn't want to be my friend any more, she is a very good friend, we go back a long way, I see her often enough and she is always apologetic for not replying, but it just PISSES ME OFF that she is always banging on about how busy she is when she literally doesn't do anything.

I have a toddler and a newborn and am redecorating at present so I might be slightly unhinged from sleep deprivation.

AIBU?

OP posts:
chumrun · 23/08/2014 17:40

Ah you probably know that if you want something done you need to ask a busy person. There is much truth in that statement!

MrsWinnibago · 23/08/2014 17:46

YABU it's all relative. When I look back to my life pre DC and my little part time job, I WAS busy. Busy pleasing myself.

Twotallladies · 23/08/2014 17:49

I've got one the same! I've put the ball in her court and she contacts me when she can "manage". I'd like to see her more often, but it's less frustrating to not be constantly chasing her.

Often think I'd like to be a fly on her wall and see what she gets up to all day....

Perfectlypurple · 23/08/2014 17:50

Yabu. I don't have a toddler and a newborn or a great social life but I am always busy. I am not busy pleasing myself, I am busy doing stuff for other people, family, friends, stuff with the house. I have very little time to just do what I want to do whether it's meeting a friend or just sitting and reading or watching tv.

InThisTogether · 23/08/2014 17:54

I think YABU because one man's busy is another man's time off.
But as you mention sleep deprivation, I'll be kind!

RandomMess · 23/08/2014 17:59

Get her to come and stay for a few days and help out, her eyes may be opened Wink

chumrun · 23/08/2014 17:59

Thinking about it OP - I am genuinely a very busy person despite not having children. I have two jobs, work voluntarily , and go to the gym and see friends and go away a lot.

Because of this I am surgically attached to my phone - as a contact thing, diary, camera.

Less 'busy' people don't have the same need for a phone? My brother is depressed and rarely goes out and never switches his phone on.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2014 18:01

I used to be 'busy'. Now, sometimes I don't have any time for anything; like I can cook or work out but not both IYSWIM. Always time to MN, though...

MisForMumNotMaid · 23/08/2014 18:07

I have a very lovely friend that I'm bad at replying too. Its not that I don't want to. Its that when I do, I want to reply in full, with enthusiasm and thought put into it. I don't want to ping back a message which could come across as abrupt. In waiting until I have time and energy to reply properly i guess it could be construed as rude.

AyMamita · 23/08/2014 18:25

YABU. In my experience, people without children are as busy as people with them. You have no idea what's going on with her. Maybe she has voluntary commitments or elderly parents or a friend with a serious illness. Maybe she's depressed (why would someone without kids not work?) and doesn't want to tell you. Maybe she's not getting back to you because you're a tedious martyr who's chosen to have kids but now whines on about how "busy" they make you.

Frontier · 23/08/2014 18:29

She probably isn't busy in the sense you understand but if busy means "I didn't get round to it or didn't have/find the time" of course she is.

I am probably less busy now than I have ever been in my life but I still fill my days and often get to the end of one without having done everything I was supposed to or wanted. It's the old adage of the task expanding to fill the time available.

Also, if I open a text and genuinely don't have time to reply there and then, or need a bit of time to think about my response, it is very likely that I will forget altogether or for several days - once the little envelope is gone.

goodasitgets · 23/08/2014 18:33

Well it seems a bit odd if she doesn't work, does she do a lot of volunteer/other stuff?

I don't have children, people probably think I'm not busy but I work long shifts, volunteer for a dog rescue, have a horse, do pole fitness, go to the gym and then have all the usual house stuff (cleaning cooking etc to do)
Plus my job means when I come home, I don't actually want to speak to people Blush

Original poster
Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 23/08/2014 19:30

Aymamita OUch!

I never go on about how busy I am from a kids point of view but point taken in case I was. I fucking hate tedious martyrs who bang on about how busy they are with kids and don't want to come across as one. All I am saying is that u am surprised she is so busy when she does fuck all.

I do have an idea about what she is doing Because when we do meet up she tells me. I do totally take the point about depression though , maybe it is that.

OP posts:
CatKisser · 23/08/2014 19:36

Could she be skint?
I sometimes use "busy" as an excuse when friends get in contact because I'm worried they'll want to go out or something, and it's embarrassing always having to say you're skint.

Happy36 · 23/08/2014 19:47

Sorry, I think you´re being unreasonable. Just because she doesn´t have children or a job doesn´t mean she can´t be busy.

If it annoys you that she takes such a long time to answer messages or is only in touch infrequently, tell her. Say you´d like to hear from her more often, see her more often, etc. Maybe she thinks that you´re busy and wants to keep out of your hair.

missbishi · 23/08/2014 20:29

What CatKisser says. Esp. if she's out of work.

fredfredsausagehead1 · 23/08/2014 21:00

I think it's your issue not hers sorry ?? who are we to say another person isn't busy?? Face it she's either busy or she doesn't want to see you, she is BUSY! Busy is busy there are no degrees of busyness

ilovesooty · 23/08/2014 21:06

I think YABU to judge others using what they tell you and your own life as a yardstick.

Username12345 · 23/08/2014 21:15

YABU it's all relative.

Agree with at ^

saltnpepa · 23/08/2014 21:36

Would it be because you swear too much and it puts her off? Just an idea Confused

FunkyZebraHat · 23/08/2014 22:04

I use "busy" as an excuse sometimes to avoid visiting places I think I'll struggle in. Although to be honest I'm surprised more of my friends haven't twigged that's usually code for "it's a pain in the arse to cope at your house/that venue in my wheelchair and then help/facilities you promise never materialise"

Only1scoop · 23/08/2014 22:07

Yabu people's circumstances change from day to day.

At least she apologises.

furcoatbigknickers · 23/08/2014 22:13

Its all relative, i consider myslef to be not very busy alot of the time but actually with 4 dcs I probably am in comparsion.

OvertiredandConfused · 23/08/2014 22:19

I have a very good friend who uses this excuse all the time. I know, and she knows I know, she suffers terribly with depression. It's the only reason I put up with it to be honest. When she says she's busy she means that she can't face seeing anyone. When she takes a week to reply, it means she feels guilty that she couldn't even cope with replying when the text was sent. And when I do see her, she's always the life and soul, never a hint of the demons that I know plague her.

I am in regular contact with her sisters who tell me how much it means that I haven't given up on her. But it is hard. This may not be your friend, but maybe worth considering?

Original poster
Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 23/08/2014 22:56

ok IABU then. And maybe I should swear less. Thanks all.

OP posts: