To hope that I can ask about FF without being shot down in flames?

[Darksideofthemoon88]

I'm interested in WHY people choose to FF if not for medical reasons (ie they can't because of medication they have to take, or because their baby was very premature and is unable to suckle) - I've seen a lot of threads where people assert that FF was best for them/their family/their baby or that they chose to FF without trying BF, and I'm curious as to why. Genuinely curious I'm not interested in fighting with anyone about what's best or right; I'd just like to read about why people FF because I honestly don't know. In the interests of full disclosure though (I know how MNs feel about this! ), I am a breastfeeding mother.

Oh my god the formula Nespresso

I also used ready made cartons. Then they started making litre bottles of ready made formula. Result!

Worra :o

BF baby has stopped gnawing his foot off. He's now shouting at his hand because it keeps smacking him in the mouth. Meanwhile the FF babies are both fast asleep.

I dont think they had ready made with ds1&2, if they did I couldnt afford them. Used them at night with ds3 & ds4 in the good old days when he still took a bottle

Worra I love that.

I really wanted to breast feed due to all the benefits. Had an horrendous birth, couldn't hold dd till 6hrs after birth. She was poorly so we had to formula feed topups in hospital or go to nicu. Breast feeding didn't seem to satisfy her - screaming place down constantly. Midwives and health visitors said she was cluster feeding but poor bubs wasn't gaining weight. I just felt disregarded by professionals as being an unprepared first time mum.

6 weeks in contacted a lactation consultant who diagnosed a tongue tie, slow letdown and low supply. She said I would need to formula feed top ups but dd was not having any of it.

So reluctantly switched to bottle only and dd started gaining weight and we have not looked back.

I do wonder if I gave up to easily and maybe should have sought help for low supply first before switching but when you have a screaming baby who is hungry......

I can see why mothers who fail at bf are a higher risk for PND , I think I was close but managed to pull myself together and realise dd's hunger is now being met and she is thriving.

I also feel massively let down by the health professionals I was in contact with - we were in hospital for 8 days they could see I was struggling with bf and no one diagnosed the tongue tie and they made me feel like a unprepared first time mum. I do appreciate the pressures and workload they are under but if they are going to push bf as much as they do there needs to be proper support and assistance and not disregard mothers.

No Silver, I don't put my DT's needs above my own, or the rest of my family. Sorry to disappoint.
Yes, they by definition have greater needs in terms of time and effort, because they're babies (well toddlers now) but their needs are on a PAR in terms of priority with mine, and those of my DH.
So yes, I used formula to allow time for myself, some sanity and to achieve a better balance in terms of my own needs and the rest of my family. It allowed the following (in no particular order)

1. DH to feed the DTs and feel included.
2. Me to get out of the house, get dressed, get to the shops and see my friends knowing that I didn't have to worry about how to BF twins in public, or whether I could leave the DTs at home and get some time out of the house myself.
3. It allowed me to be (relatively sane) not to 'dread every feed' and achieve a decent mental balance. My DH had a happy wife rather than a wailing banshee.
4. I could get to the gym and work on getting my figure and fitness back.
5. It meant I could have a shower, do my hair and look nice for DH. I weighed the benefits of BF/FF and decided that the few ounzes they had in the first 3 weeks of expressing was great, but enough in terms of how much I was prepared to sacrifice in how it was affecting me and my relationship with the DTs and my DH. I refer you to my point above Silver, earlier in the thread. Basically, that some posters (that means you) are entitled to feel proud of yourself privately, but not to come on threads like this to spout self-importance and buff your halo. It seems to me that many EBF proponents seem to have made themselves so bloody miserable that they're going to damn well ram it down our throats about how well they've done, even if it's through gritted teeth!

I want to babysit bear's kids, just for the amusement value

Hollie, honestly yes I did worry for my mental health. I had a history of mental health problems too and I was very tearful in the early weeks which was a lot due to the bfing. But i didnt give up because i wanted to breastfeed that badly.

I meant the baby's mental health actually silver - I'm not convinced that the benefits of breastmilk aren't cancelled out by having a mother who dreads feeding you.

I'd be interested to know what you define as "giving up too easily" Silver. If I list my problems perhaps you can tell me where I went wrong:

Tongue tied DD that the GP refused to refer for snipping as "it wasn't that bad", resulting in:
Cracked nipples
2 bouts of mastitis
An undiagnosed breast abscess that ruptured in the shower resulting in a trip to A&E and an overnight stay in hospital; followed by a month of weekly appointments at the breast clinic to have the abscess drained.

Decreasing supply due to the undiagnosed abscess resulting in a baby screaming in hunger and me sobbing every time I tried to feed her.

All this while trying to process the news that my husband was being deployed to Afghanistan at short notice.

Are those good enough reasons for you?

I only felt compelled to write that original message because SOME (not all) ffers comments on this thread seemed ignorant and silly , like the 'weird sexiness' one.
Did not mean to offend everyone, sorry.

Frankleandfilly. Yes, they are. My original post was not directed at people like yourself.

Yes exactly silver you wanted to breastfeed that badly.

Silver just because you put yourself through all that pain discomfort and misery, dies nit mean all women in your situation can and should.

You felt compelled to tell FFers who didn't breastfeed because they didn't like it that they weren't putting their children first - of course you meant to offend!

Hollie, thats an odd notion, and no my babys health mental and otherwise has been near perfect.

For the record, I have heard more than one breastfeeding mother say that when the baby sucked on their nipple, they got a strange tingling sensation between their legs, which they found odd/uncomfortable.

Perhaps that's what the PP meant about 'weird sexiness'?

The happiest moment of my life was when DD was born.

The next moment I could even describe as vaguely happy was when I switched to formula. I'd been dreading every feed, dreading her being awake because I knew I'd have another faceless HCP manhandling my boobs into DD's mouth when she just couldn't latch on, and then huffing and puffing at me like it was my fault when she screamed from hunger. I felt like a cow - not just that, but a FAILED cow.

The midwife who asked me if I'd consider giving her some formula just to keep her going is my hero from then on, I've loved parenting. And I think the benefits of having me with good mental and physical health (would've needed to stop breastfeeding very early on due to medication for headaches anyway), outweighs the minimal benefits of being breastfed.

You sure as hell had every intention of offending me silver. Unless you consider calling someone "ignorant" a compliment? Please don't back-pedal, it's not convincing anyone.

Would you be offended if someone called you a breastfeeding martyr?

I do really hate these phrases like people who genuinely can't BF... or that it's okay to FF if you really have serious problems...

Even though I am one of those people I guess (milk never came in) (YES REALLY haters)

I don't think anyone has the right to sit in judgment of anyone else and decide whether it was acceptable for them to ff or not. I mean it's just ridiculous.