To hope that I can ask about FF without being shot down in flames?

[Darksideofthemoon88]

I'm interested in WHY people choose to FF if not for medical reasons (ie they can't because of medication they have to take, or because their baby was very premature and is unable to suckle) - I've seen a lot of threads where people assert that FF was best for them/their family/their baby or that they chose to FF without trying BF, and I'm curious as to why. Genuinely curious I'm not interested in fighting with anyone about what's best or right; I'd just like to read about why people FF because I honestly don't know. In the interests of full disclosure though (I know how MNs feel about this! ), I am a breastfeeding mother.

I appreciate what your saying Mini, that breastfeeding should be more widely promoted but why shouldn't it be available as an option for women who just simply do not want to breastfeed? Why is that a valid choice?

Sorry - why isn't that a valid choice?

Here are my few pence worth.

DS1 - I had no intention of feeding, I was so ill by the time he was born hat I couldn't even If I had wanted too, then it turned out he was really ill so I ff an array of prescription formulas and didn't think twice about it.

DS2 - I intended to BF him and I did for 6 months until we were separated by me and DS1 being transported up to a far away hospital. I couldn't do taking in this devastating news I was getting and continue bfing so DS2 was switched to formula.

DS3 - I was undecided right up until his shock birth, but as soon as he was given to me, I almost felt like I had to feed him myself, it was almost like a compulsion. I fed him for a year and tbh, I think it was a large part of my severe pnd. I remember several times, DP bringing him to me in the night for another feed and just feeling cold and empty, I remember telling DP to take him away and sort him out because I was sick of the responsibility.

If we have another, I think I'll feed for the first few days then switch to formula for my own sanity.

Yes it's a commercially produced product and yes many women "could" BF but don't. So what?

I don't think that because you can do something you must (particularly where you believe as I do, the net incremental benefit is negligible - as I think it would be in my case). I'm keen to BF because I think there is bit of a benefit, if it goes well it seems like it might be easier than faffing about with bottles & formula and it might help to lose weight. If it's not straightforward and/or circumstances make it more difficult (e.g. working arrangements) I will FF with no guilt whatsoever.

I can't understand how people are so interested in how others chose to feed their children - it's not like giving your 3m.o a bottle of diet coke.

My experience as the recipient of an emergency cs was shit and similar to others who had cs there is no support - you are left stuck in a bed unable to lift your screaming baby, you press the call button and a midwife rushes in shoves the baby at you and rushes out, this continues for the 2 days until they kick you out.

With the increase in cs rates (in my view due to bigger babies) this is only likely to make bf rates fall further !

One of the oddest things is that feminism has encouraged women to see their bodies as their own and to be done with what they will. But this goes out of the window for breastfeeding where regardless of her own feelings a woman is pressurised to effectively give her breasts to her baby (and the health care professionals as they help you to find a latch quite often).

Surely the whole point is no woman should ever feel pressurised to do anything with her body that she doesn't want to do?

That's a strong part of feminism.

And here we have women saying how selfish other women are for not doing something with their body that they don't want to do.

I had such an awful time trying to BF DC 1 and 2. I tried, I tried until I was sobbing my heart out with frustration, pain and complete and utter desperation to make it work. You're practically lectured throughout the entire pregnancy about how amazing Breastfeeding is and made to feel like if you don't, you will be failing your child. It's a massive pressure and I felt it really ruined the early days with my first two DC because I spent so long panicking, worrying, stressing and upsetting myself over how I could get it to work.

With both of them I struggled with latch. DC2 point blank did not want to bloody latch. She'd throw a massive tantrum every time I tried. It would be latch, pull off and scream, latch, pull off and scream. My nipples were bleeding. I bought a pump and spent about an hour getting a measly 2oz out. DC1 seemed to have colic from birth, he screamed and constantly seemed to be in some kind of discomfort. I still don't know what it was because you get told colic is impossible when Breastfeeding but he had all of the symptoms... It was horrible and I felt so helpless. Switched them both to formula and it was such a bloody relief. DC1 colic symptoms cleared up, DC2 didn't tantrum every feed plus DH could now share the night feeds.

DC3 was, for whatever unknown reason, completely different. She latched with great ease, never had cracked nipples, she breastfed wonderfully and for a year until she decided she didn't want to anymore.

So, those are my reasons. It wasn't for lack of trying with first two DC. As for people who FF without trying.. Well my DM was one of them. She tried once and hated the sensation of it, hated how it all felt and thought it was a bit 'creepy'. She just didn't find it came naturally to her, it made her feel like a cow. I can kind of understand that view. I guess simply not wanting to is a reason in itself. In the end it doesn't really seem to matter anyway. I have no health issues, DC are all on the same levels despite one being BF and two being FF. It becomes a total none issue when they're past the milk stage.

When I read title in the Op I thought Op was looking for a little advice on bottles....mixing formula etc....

Everyone has different reasons about how they fed their dc. That they were fed is just about all that matters....I enjoyed feeding dd her tiny bottles from day one ....as did dp.

We were just dd little slaves for the first few months....as we all are.

I started off BFing each of my three. I lasted three weeks with child 1 & child 3, and three/four months (but it was mixed feeding towards the end) with child 2.

My reasons for stopping were mostly to do with the unbelievable searing fucking pain of it all, and the cracked nipples, the mastitis, the engorgement, and the simple fact that I realised once I'd given them a bottle of formula they seemed fuller, slept better and had more of a routine and didn't just feed for the sake of it for hours at a time while I sat there writhing in agony from it. So you might say it became something of a no brainer for me!

With child 2 he was a much easier baby than child 1 (no colic, easier to settle etc.) so it was easier to carry on with BFing for longer, plus I found the pain a bit more tolerable with him. But for convenience (or to give my nipples a break) he started having bottles in the day sometimes but he would always have a bedtime BF. But he was still waking in the night for a BF as well. As soon as I knocked the BFing on the head and gave him formula at bedtime he started sleeping right through, almost immediately.

I do think formula companies are as evil as any other and it is a shame that they are involved in something like the feeding of babies. Formula is massively overpriced for bloody powdered cow's milk with some vitamins thrown in and aggressively marketed.

I really think generic formula should be available on prescription for those who need it for medical reasons and at cost price for anyone who wants it.

Reasons I ended up ff. Inverted nipples making latching on properly harder, nipple shields didn't help, poor milk supply made worse by medication I was on. All that combined to make a baby who was feeding constantly and still losing weight, she didn't have the energy to feed efficiently. I gave her a bottle on the advice of my mw and I never looked back, my dd went from a baby who was fractious, demanding, unsettled and constantly crying to a happy contented baby who settled into a routine easily. Was it the best I could do for her? Too right it was, my only regret is making her suffer the way I did by trying to breastfeed but it's a minor regret and not one that actively bothers me.

Yes bf is best when considered on a societal level but on a personal ff is better.

clearly better to live in the developing world then for a young child

Well mini you are the only person making this thread unpleasant, and making a big issue about something that is not really important in the decisions made by parents. Tge main thing is baby recieves nutrition from either breast milk or formula. You cannot say that most women can breastfeed when you do not have a clue of the individual circumstances of women who ff. there are many problems that women can encounter when establishing bf, milk transfer, mastitis, poor milk supply often caused by a traumatic birth the list is endless. It's not always a case of ploughing on and persevering, meanwhile baby needs nutrician and it's health is suffering die to not receiving enough milk from it's mother.

As someone has pointed out, studies have shown there are no health differences between adults who were bf and those ff. thank goodness formula is there, so that babies don't become malnourished, and we have clean running water.

I am slightly offended by the suggestion that marketing plays such a big part in Mothers feeding choices.

As a grown up I am perfectly able to make my own mind up and the only advert I can remember seeing (despite reading a lot of baby magazines etc) is the one that has been on tv recently, that certainly hasn't me rush out and buy it, I paid so little attention to it that I couldn't even tell you the brand tbh.

The NHS doesn't need to spend any more money on promoting breastfeeding. Ithere are many areas underfunded in the NHS that need more money, for example the children's ward I visited recently,

I agree with you to some extent Hollie, but generic formula should be freely available from any pharmacy or superpermarket, so that if a parent needs it quickly they can access it. How are you going to see a doctor in the middle of the night or weekend it's very difficult. It's hard to get a doctors appointment round here, so no not on prescription. In my pharmacy you can get generic Calpol, etc why not formula.

Mini you are not taking to account the experiences of women on here, the traumatic and hard times they experienced, it's not a one size fits all! Forumula saved their babies lives and improved a desperate and horrid situation fir them and their baby.

Yes, you should be able to buy generic formula even without a prescription.

I think marketing does play a big part in people's feeding choices, it influences midwives etc as well - see the number of threads on here about Apitmil being "closest to breastmilk" or the best formula for breastfed babies, and even being recommended by midwives - when really that's all nonsense and aggressive marketing.

BF is promoted relentlessly when you are pregnant and then when your baby is born it's expected that you will but the MWs are too busy and the NHS doesn't have the resources available to follow through. All that happens is that a lot of mothers feel very guilty that they didn't manage to do something that is actually hard in many cases.

My DS was FF from day 3. He was born over Christmas so the MW cover was sporadic with a lot of cover staff and I was very ill so kept in for a total of 6 days. He also had a temporary condition that meant he had no appetite for the 1st 3-4 weeks of his life so firstly wouldn't latch at all and then we had to virtually force feed him formula as he just wasn't hungry. At 4 there is no difference between him and his friends who were BF for 6 months+.

I ff because bfing was hideous.I hated it,dreaded feeding my babies when doing it,it made me miserable and I knew with all the advantages my dc would have in life alongside access to clean water and safe bottle prep bfing was neither crucial nor necessary.The negatives of bf outweighed the positives and then some.

I didnt BF as I was advised not to with me taking my epilepsy medication

I actually think if people were that influenced by marketing then more people would breastfeed as in my experience (both in 2003 and 2012) the nhs completely bombards you with messages of breastfeeding being best. That is marketing. It may not be commercial marketing as such but it is still promotion.

I think the very fact many women still choose to formula feed, where in many areas formula has become almost a "dirty" word shows women are less influenced by advertising than many care to believe.

Also 2 out of 3 of mine became dangerously underweight and ill whilst bfing.1 ended up in SCBU.

Cracking open that first formula tin was a blessed relief.

I feel all 3 of mine were "lucky" to have a happy mum on switching to ff instead of a sobbing,miserable wreck.

I also think there are hoards of parenting ideals that have far bigger impacts.Why the fixation on this particular one?Child nutrition is a marathon not a sprint and no parent ticks off every single parenting ideal.

Where are the endless threads entitled "if you let your dc eat sugar/junk/red meat/do little exercise/have too much screen time/don't hear your dc read every day/don't make them do homework properly/don't ensure they know their tables/don't ensure they eat 10 a day/don't ensure they play outside.....why"?Ad nauseam?

Sounds ridiculous but I didn't as ours were adopted, I mention this because regardless of a complete inability to lactate people still felt it was appropriate to pass judgement on my ability and appropriateness as a parent because I feed my kids from a bottle.

How can it be a good thing for babies as a group when it is mostly used by women who can breastfeed?

Being physically able to breastfeed and theoretically being able to breastfeed are world's apart from actually breastfeeding. In my opinion, mental and emotional health are just as important as physical health. If someone doesn't want to breastfeed because it's causing them emotional or mental issues then this falls under the heading of "can't/couldn't breastfeed".

Of course I also think it's okay to not breastfeed purely because you don't want to

If FF was so bad for babies then access to it would be restricted. Parenting is a long process from newborn to 'finished' adult. Breastfeeding/formula feeding as the sole source of nutrition is six months versus the next 17.5 years. It's a titchy, teeny, tiny part of the overall picture and it's the remaining years that have the biggest impact on the child and the adult they will become.