To hate, loathe and detest when mothers

[Norklessnora]

Call themselves a 'full time mum'. You are either a stay at home mum, or a working mum. All are full time parents and all work bloody hard. Hate it.

Carer a call the,selves carers don't they. Whereas people who work ft and still have caring responsibilities don't get upset about this - it's assumed they still 'care' when they're at work, they're just not doing the act of caring full time. So surely the equivalent is full time mum.

When asked what you do, could people not just refer to their career or job prior to having children and then say they have stopped since having children ?

Why can't people simply answer accurately, in whatever manner they like?
Why can't people just stop seeing offence when there is none?

Yesterday she was feeling ill, so I went to see her and give her a cuddle. For those five minutes did I stop being a teacher and become a mother. And on those occasions when she is in my classroom or a meeting with me, what am I?

You are missing the point.

marcopront your questions are spurious because no one is describing you as a part-time mum, so of course equally dads are not part-time dads. If someone is describing themselves as a full time mum, they are not by implication describing anyone else as a part time mum.

Your last question I feel is daft. Of course you are still her mum, but while you are at work in your capacity as a teacher you are a teacher, as in you couldn't always drop everything and give her a cuddle if it wasn't convenient to your colleagues, or another pupil needed you more. Your 'job' trumps your 'role' most of the time I should imagine. Just as when I'm at home my children come before most other things because that is my primary 'job'. My husband is still their dad, but of course he only parents part time in that he can't drop everything at work in order to do things for them, that is down to me, I can't imagine he'd argue otherwise.

When he comes in of an evening my DH is straight picking up babies and wiping down high chairs, he even picks up nappies from the shops in his lunch hour, but he is not parenting all day, despite always being their parent, and it would be laughable to say he is.

Logically I would suggest those with only school age children during school hours are not really full time mums.

Absolutely. During school hours I am an on-call mother and lady of leisure.

Yy owlcapone

snowfedup I would not define myself by my past job! it was a good job but it is meaningless to me. While I'm at home looking after children how insecure would it be to answer the question of what I do with 'I used to be an administrator'?! Weird.

But surely the person asking obviously doesn't know you well and is asking to make conversation ? Probably my own bugbear that I find looking after small children quite boring so am more interested in other aspects of people's lives!

Well then you'd find what I do boring, but you could ask another question about literature or music and find me quite interesting!

True, I had a friend that's job was so complex to explain that he invented a whole new job to tell people (that he would be unlikely to see again) about - he told them he was a farmer and had a whole back story worked out about how many cows what tractors etc ...

Loafersorlouboutins, why do you have to wear heels all day if it leaves you in agony?!
OP, yabu, some people are full time mums, I don't have a problem with the phrase, I prefer it to SAHM.

I just say I'm taking some time Way from my career to be with the children.

The sahm who annoy me are the one's who do the whole

How could you leave them? I could never work And look after x properly.
Fortunately I don't have to work ( wait til he fucks off then I wanna reply!)

As a sahm, I too get daft comments like, "Oh I'd go mad if I had to stay with the dcs all day." Cue raised eyebrow at me to check if I am bonkers.

And the usual "What do you do all day then?"

But I don't let it bother me. Why should I care?

"Fortunately I don't have to work" ( wait til he fucks off then I wanna reply!)

Well aren't you just lovely.

I doesn't bother me whether people say SAHM or full time mum. It's just semantics and I really don't see what all the fuss is about.

I could get all defensive and arsey about the fact that the term 'working mum' implies that as a SAHM I don't do any work and am therefore lazy, which would of course be a very wrong assumption. But I know it's just a catch-all phrase.

Let it go, and find something worthwhile to get het up about.

Besides which, if someone asks what you do and you have a career or a job, why do you need the phrase 'working mum' anyway? You are a lawyer or a teacher or a nurse. Whether you are also a parent is pretty irrelevant. My don't know many man who would describe themselves as a 'working dad'. They are either a SAHD (or a full time Dad) or they define themselves by their job title. Really not sure why mothers who work outside the home need to make it clear to all and sundry that they have a job and a child.

Surely the answer to the question that elicits the response 'ftm' 'sahm' must surely be 'not working'
Ie. so what do you do?
I am a secretary / surgeon / not working. The 'mother' or 'parenting' part is irrelevant and a misnomer. No one asked if you've got kids or what your childcare arrangements are. They asked were you work or what as.

It's offensive to some because it makes it sound to close to a job description.

People can't be having that, it makes it found almost level with working.

Yes I am actually which is why the mums who look down their noses at me don't get told a few home truths.

I'm actually taking a break away now. However the responses I got a leaving my dc2 at 10mths to complete an occupational based degree full time were disgusting.

One particular prominent member of the group would make comments about the ability not to work as though it was all about money (yet tapping up whatever foolish family member was willing to fund her latest must have whim). Women work for various reasons not just money. Simulation, sense of achievement, role modelling for children.

Having children is not a job nor work, it's just parenting. Just the same as running a house is something adults do.

If it was work, then those that have two jobs

To call yourself a full time mum means you are implying the other parent isn't. The spouses of those must be thrilled.

But goingloombandcrazy that is just shitty people being horrible to you.
The fact that they are sahm does not make that a sahm thing. They would be shitheads if they worked.

I wish people would stop generalising attitudes spouted by a few dickheads.

Many of us have been sahms and wohms. They demarcation lineis ridiculous.

"To call yourself a full time mum means you are implying the other parent isn't"

No it doesn't. And my DH would interpret it like that because he isn't a dickhead.

Yes that's true. We have a lot of dickheads around here. I shouldn't generalise!

But the children part is relevant if you are primarily looking after them all day! Why would I answer the question with saying what I'm not doing? As if everything in life is defined in relation to paid work.

If I'm going on a beach holiday and someone asks where I'm going I don't say 'not skiing!'

Well I if someone said 'what is your job' or 'what do you do for a living' I would say 'nothing at the moment because I am a full time/SAHM, but when I worked I was a [inserts job title] '

But if someone said 'what do you do?' well what I do is I look after my children all day every day, so therefore I am a full time mother or a SAHM. Whichever.

I think people do feel the need to clarify that they have children as a reason why they don't work though, as opposed to just being unemployed.

"If I'm going on a beach holiday and someone asks where I'm going I don't say 'not skiing!'"

Haha .
Yes. Exactly.