To hate, loathe and detest when mothers

[Norklessnora]

Call themselves a 'full time mum'. You are either a stay at home mum, or a working mum. All are full time parents and all work bloody hard. Hate it.

I work now but I probably called myself that only when other people looked at me with big eyes and expected me to justify myself. "SO WHAT DO YOU DOOOOOOOO?" @_@

I probably did mutter, em, full-time mum. because I knew that 'em, mum?' wasn't going to be an acceptable answer. Neither was full-time mum clearly but it did wind up the conversation.

I think this could all be resolved if we turned 'mum' into a verb - like parent/parenting.

Then people could say "Oh, I mum full-time" and people would understand that they were talking about their actual daily activity, rather than having a dig at anyone else.

It could go in the dictionary.

To Mum (verb): To spend one's day surrounded by noisy, multi-coloured plastic crap, endlessly answering the same question, before cracking around 3pm and screaming 'I don't care why the shoes are blue, just put them on your feet NOOOOOOOWW!'

Sorted

i suppose its just that you are with your children full time .as opposed to say just a couple of hrs in morning and at night .unfortunately if you work you are not with your children all the time .so they are being factual

The thing is, I see myself as a full time mother because I don't just put my kids back in their boxes while I'm at work. I am still their mother regardless of whether we're in the same building or not.

I don't think there's an answer that keeps both camps happy.

I'm a full time mother. Full time doctor. Full time wife. Part time karateka.

It's all who I am and I don't stop being one just because temporarily I am doing something else.

I would say a parent who isn't in paid employment because they are looking after their children are full time child care, which I readily agree I am not.

I think it's quite clear that it means not in paid employment. It implies nothing at all about anyone in different circumstances.

I think women usually only say this in response to questions that are difficult to answer. I mean, if a woman is not in full-time employment it is easier to say 'full-time mother' and makes more sense than saying I work no-time.

Women who do work should have a little more understanding if it annoys them. I remember it was other people asking me questions that prompted me to give the answers that apparently annoy people

You can't win. I often say 'oh I don't work' to which everyone goes 'you do, it's the hardest work there is'

Why the need for all these boxes though? I really just don't get it. I don't think I rolled out a specific title or thought about it until I started mn. I probably still put housewife down on any forms.
Pigeon holing and chips on shoulders.

There are some phrases that are said without thinking, that require scrutiny and further discussion, and on reflection should not be said, as they often reflect a more sinister undertone.

This isn't one of them.

I felt like that when I was a full-time mother or working No-Time however you want to put it. I felt like 'stop interrogating me, argh'. I never labelled myself.

it doesn't bother me at all. And I suppose the reason people use it at all is because there is such pressure on women to work outside the home, that if you're not getting paid for something, and paying your taxes, you are a drain on society. I suppose people use the term to try to illustrate that they are actually doing something, not just lying in bed all day.

I've worked and put my kids in childcare, and I've stayed at home and looked after them myself. I don't really care what other people think of my choices - I'm not taking money from the taxpayer, and I'm not asking them to live my life, so why they feel the need to comment on it is beyond me.

I'm a sahm at the moment and I never know what to say when people ask what I do. I don't call myself a full time mum as I saw another thread on here like this and I would hate for anyone to think I'm implying that working parents are lesser beings than those who look after the children all the time (I definitely don't think that btw) but to me the term sahm implies that I actually stay at home which is not accurate either! We are out at the park, library, swimming pool, toddler groups, softplay and various other places all day every day and it pisses me off when people assume I must sit around drinking coffee all day. Can someone suggest an acceptable term for what we sahp's actually do?

Lecherrs but presumably when your children are ill or theres an inset day and (unless you work at same school) the boilet breaks or they close for snow youre in the same position as any other working parent?

"Seriously, no one is stupid enough to think that a mother who works outside of the home in paid employment is any less of a mother than one who stays at home, just like no one is stupid enough to think that a SAHM does no work."

Or in fact never leaves the house. :o

Could these people who have children and are not in paid employment say "in the hours most people work outside the home I am doibg the job of a really good nanny or childminder for my own children."?

Snappy, eh?

I've been a lot of different things at different time of my life though have never described myself as 'full time Mummy'. I go a bit boak when I see it written down but thats where it ends

Newton - I'd suggest the term is "child care". Because that's what you're doing. Not tied to a place (sah), not tied to domestic chores (housewife) but full time child care.

What do you expect SAHMS to say?

I think Saying "Stay-at-home-mum" makes me sound very passive. Like you're avoiding games or something. And frankly, I have always felt a bit guilty about being a SAHM, so I end up saying "I'm just a mum."

Does that make you angry too?

I would never use the phrase "child care" as what I do as a SAHM as it sounds like you are doing professionally.

Does the time that working parents spend with their children feel like child care?

I'm crossing over to being a working parent again soon though, so I'll hopefully get another perspective.

Nice post stealth, especially the snappy description of SAHP role.
Also good point from NewtonsTheory about rarely actually being "at home" - I was that kind of SAHP - too much time at home made us all dreadfully stir crazy so I usually had us all out of the house and on the way to toddler group before 10am (I had one for every day of the week)
Thing is if your focus is on mothering your own children why shouldn't you say you are a F/T Mum - that's what it feels like when you're doing it.
Otherwise if you have to answer strictly in terms of employment status you may as well say you are currently unemployed (which hardly feels like the full story?)

It's ridiculous to get worked up over people using a particular term when it is generally agreed that there isn't a good alternative.

I am a full time, stay at home, child caring parent, except that I don't just stay at home, I don't stop being a parent when my DC's are with other people and I'm their mother, not their childminder. I work at the role so I am also a working mum.

There isn't a good term that describes it so everyone needs to just get over themselves and stop worrying about the fictitious implications of the different terms people choose to use.

By saying that they are a full time mum, nobody is implying that someone who is in paid employment is less of a parent. That's ridiculous and anyone implying it would be shot down in flames.

Just let it go. There are much more worthwhile issues to get het up about.

I dislike both the terms "full time mum" and "SaHM". But what really annoys me is Tory talk of "hard working families", and on here occasionally on working parents "outsourcing" or "farming out" DC. Or anything implying that those of us in paid work just don't care as much about our DC.

"I'd like to work but I must be there at school pick up and in the holidays or it wouldn't be fair on the DC". "More to life than money". Urge.

Do people really get hung up on these things? When I say that I work full-time I am not implying that a SAHM doesn't also work.
Surely most of us are intelligent enough to know when someone is being a bit snide and judging our choices rather than just trying to describe how they spend their days.
Although, I don't think I have ever experienced this judginess (sp?) in real life. Maybe the SAHMs I know are judging me behind my back and I am blissfully oblivious

The politician phrase of 'hard working families' always seems to be used to describe two parents working. As if it's not possible to be a hard working family if you support yourselves on one income.

I can't stand this phrase either and have said it several times on several very similar threads. How many shitey versions of this thread are we going to have. To paraphrase the OP I hate, loathe and detest and same old threads going over the same old ground over and over again.

I guess I'll get "well why did you click on it and why did you contribute" and that's fair enough but the thread title was ambiguous and just got on my nerves that it was this old shite AGAIN.

What's the point in moaning about/hating it when there isn't a more acceptable alternative?

Why not just stop looking for PA implications?