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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go back to work when my wages don't cover childcare?

198 replies

rf241 · 20/08/2014 20:04

I love my job working for a small NGO. I earn 27k and going back part time would mean that I am paying more for the nanny than I earn after tax. My husband earns about 350k and despite always saying that he supported me going back to work now says that he doesn't see why I wouldn't rather be at home. I know that I'm very fortunate and that many would love to be a SAHM and can't, but I really can't face it. I love my boy but I want to go bdck three days a week and go back to a job I love. It doesn't help that my mother and MIL think that I am indulgent and should just stay home.

I am meant to go back in October and it's being ruined by the judgement of others.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 20/08/2014 20:05

YANBU - as a family you can afford this, you have quality childcare, and you love your job!

kinkyfuckery · 20/08/2014 20:06

As long as your son is not being neglected or mistreated in any way by you going back to work, do whatever you can to make yourself feel better - if that's going back to work, so bed it.

UpUpAndAway123 · 20/08/2014 20:07

YANBU, if you love your job and want the independence then go for it (you could always change your mind in the future). I would personally jump at the chance :-)

maggiethemagpie · 20/08/2014 20:08

Not to sound impertinent, but does it matter if you're paying more for the nanny than you earn if your husband is on 350k? You're clearly working out of choice in this situation so if that's your preference why not do it?
I recently returned to work part time, my salary barely covers the childcare of two but I'm doing it because I was getting crazy bored in the house all day.

trappedinsuburbia · 20/08/2014 20:08

Im the same, i NEED to work or id go batshit crazy. I work 3 days as well and absolutely need this break from the kids.

gordyslovesheep · 20/08/2014 20:10

why SHOULD your wages alone cover childcare? you FAMILY income is £380K

puntasticusername · 20/08/2014 20:10

YANBU. I'm coming towards the end of my maternity leave, I haven't really enjoyed it and the thought of going back to work is one of the few things keeping me going right now! You're wow entitled to work purely because you want to, it's good for you as a person, and to keep your career alive long term. It sounds as if money isn't an issue so go for it!

I'm not normally a rabid feminist but this is one issue where the rampant sexism really does annoy me. No man (in a comparable situation to yours) in the history of the world ever got judged for wanting to return to work.

Fairywhitebear · 20/08/2014 20:11

Who cares if the childcare costs more than you earn? Your husband earns a fortune. Sorry, I don't get it. Surely it's not 'your' money, 'his' money?

My husband earns £15k. I'll be earning £730 take home when I got back to work part time in Feb after mat leave. Nursery for two costs £800.

I know whose situation I would rather be in!

YABU for posting!!! Get back to work if that's what you'd like to do Smile

puntasticusername · 20/08/2014 20:11

Quite, not wow.

HerRoyalNotness · 20/08/2014 20:11

If he doesn't see why you want to, explain about loving your job, for your sanity, socialising etc... Tell him why. And then do it.

Orangeisthenewbanana · 20/08/2014 20:21

You need to find a balance between what is right for your family AND you. I would go insane being a SAHM and have such respect for my friends who are. I work 3 slightly short days which is perfect. I see DD for a few hours in the morning and evening those days and feel I have so much more energy and enthusiasm to offer her the days I am at home, because I am happier with also having a work identity and my career.

Have a good chat with your DH. Sometimes I don't think the working partner appreciates fully what the 7 grind of childcare is actually like. I know I didn't until I was on maternity leave! Apart from him, it's no-one else's business what you choose to do as long as your DS is safe, happy and loved.

Orangeisthenewbanana · 20/08/2014 20:24

Oops! 7 day grind! Temporarily confused by new layout....

AnyFucker · 20/08/2014 20:26

if you are in a partnership with the father of your children then your joint wage covers child care, not just yours

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 20/08/2014 20:29

Work isn't just about the money. It's about self-worth, using our education and skills, maybe even making a difference. If you want to work, you should work.

I am assuming though you're using the fact your salary won't cover childcare as an illustration - ie you have access to family money and won't be literally paying the nanny out of your own income?

Afritutu · 20/08/2014 20:31

Sorry but I don't get this joint wage thing. I am married, we have 2 DC. My salary is small, DH earns much more and pays all the bills. If I work, then essentially my salary doesn't cover all the expenses associated with me working (childcare costs plus travel). So if I work, he has additional expenses - he is 'paying' for me to work. It seems indulgent to me. I am a cost to the household. However, I do see spending DHs salary on the house, living expenses, holidays, car etc as 'family money'

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 20/08/2014 20:31

I don't get it, you and your DH earn 377k and you can't afford childcare. Is your post more about your DH doesn't want you to work and you want to?

dollius · 20/08/2014 20:31

FFS, would they say that your husband is being "indulgent" for going out to work?

It's just sexist bollocks. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you should give up your career. Your husband wouldn't would he?

You are a person, not a baby-minding machine. If it is right for you, then go back to work!

dollius · 20/08/2014 20:33

Afritutu - why is the childcare associated with YOU working? Why not your DH?

Childcare is a household expense. It is not just the responsibility of the woman!

Having a career is not fucking "indulgent".

Orangeisthenewbanana · 20/08/2014 20:34

I assumed the 350K was a typo......??

joanofarchitrave · 20/08/2014 20:34

Afritutu, get a pension forecast and then think again.

dollius · 20/08/2014 20:34

God this sort of attitude pisses me right off!

YouAreAMouseInAMaze · 20/08/2014 20:36

Your husband earns a lot, so the precise economics of it don't really matter - it's easily affordable. Just do what will make you happiest. 3 days a week sounds ideal. Who cares what your mother and mother-in-law think? Just ignore them.

spiderbabymum · 20/08/2014 20:37

Sorry OP this really winds me up

In fact ......surely this is a joke

AlpacaLypse · 20/08/2014 20:39

This one's come up before. It's not about how much you earn right now, or even in the next few years when childcare costs are an issue. It's about how much you'll earn - and how much you'll develop as a person - in the next twenty/thirty years before retirement starts to be the next big problem.

DH and MIL and DM are thinking only in the present. You need to sell them the future. It seems that working at a loss right now is the key to a better future for you personally and for your family.

AnyFucker · 20/08/2014 20:41

Afritutu how does enabling you yes you to stay in the workforce equate as a "cost" to the family

Childcare costs are just a proportion of lost salary for a couple of years (or more, depending on how many kids you have). I believe the long term advantages of remaining a viable employee far outweigh the short terms losses

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