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Original poster

To wonder how people survive years of juggling childcare and work?

132 replies

blobbles · 20/08/2014 17:37

DC (3) is in nursery full time and both DP and I work full time and I'm constantly chasing my tail. DC hates waking up, is overtired in the evening and moans when dropped off at nursery (but loves it during the day). On a week day, a simple 5 minute delay can totally mess up the routine. I'm lucky to have a good, flexible employer but every day is non-stop and I'm turning into a scatter brain!

Given that DP and I want more DC's, I was wondering how on earth other people survive the sleepless nights and tiredness for years on end!

OP posts:
WaxyDaisy · 20/08/2014 17:39

You get used to it and can't honestly remember what it was like before. Also my standards slipped even further.

We have four. Eldest is 9, youngest 2. It is finally improving a bit. The older ones are a hit more independent now (can dress, put on shoes, toilet themselves, do up seat belts, clear table etc), and help out a little with younger sibs.

JustAShopGirl · 20/08/2014 17:40

the divorce rate is high....

Sorry - that doesn't help.

You just have to put your head down and get on with it I'm afraid - it gets easier with time. Sometimes harder for a bit, but generally by the time No2 comes along you care a heck of a lot less about the small stuff so it seems not quite so hard.

WaxyDaisy · 20/08/2014 17:40

Oh and, we accept any kids who turn up during the night into our bed if they need cuddles. Co-sleeping is so much better than getting up.

My memory is not what it used to be, however.

ladybirdandsnails · 20/08/2014 17:41

Would love to say 'oh it gets so much easier ' but no. Sorry. You just get used to it. Or people drop hours etc. if it's not nursery it's school runs, clubs, school holidays - worth it tho Grin sleep gets a bit better after age 4 but not if you have a second like us ... Wink

Frogisatwat · 20/08/2014 17:41

It gets harder when they get to school iMO.
Holidays, later starts, earlier finishes. The only light I can see is when they are both in high school. .

TheOldestCat · 20/08/2014 17:42

I've got DC aged 7 and 4 and I am still pretty knackered but it's not too bad these days. I was full time for three years after having DC1 and that was hard, so I went part time when DC2 came along. It's hard since I have a long commute and DH works full time also miles away. And both my children were bad sleepers as babies and toddlers. We have no family help for childcare so it's expensive and a juggling act.

BUT it has got better since they started sleeping until 6:30/7am. I am still run ragged (school brings cheaper childcare but more logistical problems), but it's not nearly as bad as it was.

ladybirdandsnails · 20/08/2014 17:42

And I am waxy daisy on sleep - both ours come in often. Sleep is more vital than a tantrum at 3am

GrumpySwivelHead · 20/08/2014 17:43

Yup, it's tough. I have 3 DCs (10' 8 &5)work full time and am mostly knackered! Just to warn you, school makes everything that bit more complicated as you need to organise before and after school care and think about the school holidays. Enjoy the nursery years while they last!

SorryForTheTypos · 20/08/2014 17:43

Not to terrify you or anything but the school years are worse...

WaxyDaisy · 20/08/2014 17:48

Agree the primary years are more complex, especially with several children and if they do extra curricular activities (we need a spreadsheet!).

Also, we are rapidly losing our evenings, especially in hols, as eldest not tired to go to bed before 9pm (meanwhile youngest gets up 5-6am, and number 3 is often still a performance to get to bed, so sometimes between them all 'bedtime' is a full time activity from 7-930pm Shock

Additionally, as they get bigger there is more washing (sports kits anyone, bigger clothes?), and they eat more, so catering is a whole enterprise in itself.

They are wonderful, though Wink

HermioneWeasley · 20/08/2014 17:52

Agree, school years are much harder as you've got before and after school to cover and all the holidays, teacher training days etc.

I don't know many parents of young kids who aren't permanently frazzled.

treadheavily · 20/08/2014 17:54

You just sort of go numb and battle on

Northernlurker · 20/08/2014 18:00

I recommend having two and then a six year gap and having another Grin That's what I have and it's now ok. Dd3 is 7 and the older two are independent teens. I go swimming one evening a week whether dh is home or not leaving dds in charge of each other. It's a world away from three-four years ago when I struggled to do driving lessons.
It's cheaper when they are at school but yes childcare can be more complex. You just have to grin and bear it. Key to keep your career going in some way though. It seems like forever when you're in the midst of it but now my oldest is approaching 18 I can see what a short part of my life this actually is - and with 9 years between oldest and youngest I've stretched it out more than many do.

Artandco · 20/08/2014 18:02

We changed our work schedule. Now have to work around x2 preschoolers but much more relaxing than full time rushing to nursery most have

Dh now works from home Monday ( few hours on laptop whilst kids play, the rest late in evening or very early before they wake) ie 6-8am work, 8pm-1am work, plus few hours in day with them

Fri I work from home - do same as dh.

Tues/ wed/ thurs - I work out 6am-2pm, dh works 12pm-8pm. We have nanny 11.30am-2.30pm. So only need paid childcare 12hrs a week.

Prob both work x3 eves a week from home once kids asleep.

Means kids don't need to travel to childcare, and we need to pay very little for childcare

amyhamster · 20/08/2014 18:04

I couldn't cope & went part time & ruined my promotion prospects , I'm very bitter Blush

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/08/2014 18:11

I gave up work when ds2 was 10 months old and ds1 was nearly three.

DS2 had dreadful ear problems and barely slept more than a couple of hours at a time, combined with my physically and mentally demanding job meant that I was crap at both, I'm sure I verged on a breakdown at one point, had to go into hospital as I was so run down and became ill.

For my sanity I gave up work; at that time, 17 years ago, my salary covered the nursery fees and not much else.

It was the right decision, we went onto have ds3 too Grin. I'm back working now!

misssmapp · 20/08/2014 18:13

My two are 7 and 9, it is a constant juggle and I hate that every mili- second in the morning is accounted for.

I was giving a work colleague a lift one day, when she asked why there was a pair of toothbrushes and a hairbrush on the seat- it had been a major rush that morning!!!

We both work full-time, but I am a teacher, so have the holidays off. That is my sanctuary and our family recovery time- to those in non school jobs, I take my hat off to you.

JustAShopGirl · 20/08/2014 18:16

mine are 12 and 13 now - never see them, so make the most of that side of it when they are young.. no juggling any more, just a constant financial drain - (can I have money to get the bus to X's house? going to town with Y won't be back can I have money for tea? etc) good job we both work...

misssmapp · 20/08/2014 18:16

Oh and child care still costs a fortune. I was working out how many years we have left to pay for it- we will be so much better off when they no longer need child care ( but then they will be teenagers, so other costs can be added!!)

SorryForTheTypos · 20/08/2014 18:43

We both have very generous leave allowances so can cover most holidays between us except for one week in the middle of the summer when both our employers require us to be in. Trying to find f/t childcare for 1 week in the middle of the summer is a nightmare.

Usually my work schedule is planned months in advance so I know exactly what days I'll be working late & need to pay for after school, but nothing throws me into despair than someone casually tossing out "oh x has been brought forward so we'll have to shift things" no you fuckers no no no stick to the bloody agreed dates!

Luckily my boss is very understanding and appreciates the work I do daily and cuts me slack if I say I genuinely can't do something. Have had other bosses when I was in less senior roles (indeed they were less senior than I am now) that have been less supportive - I often wondered if they were trying to play at being the big tough boss and lacked the ability to think creatively or strategically.

FloozeyLoozey · 20/08/2014 19:07

Single parent since birth, always worked, usually full time. You just get on with it! Always massively better than being a dosser on benefits.

iamdivergent · 20/08/2014 19:13

I went p/t, was the only way we could manage it and stay sane! I work 4hrs 5 days a week. I only take annual leave during the school holidays.

working p/t with my hrs means I can do drop offs and pick ups but I was very lucky in the sense the my employer was happy for me to work the hrs I needed. They go to holiday club when not with me and we pay a set amount each month every month so no huge childcare bill at end of summer etc.

Also - lists. I have loads!

SamanthaJones · 20/08/2014 19:15

IMO it's worth treating it as a loss leader because it is worth it when they're older and your standard of living is reasonable because you work.

Earn as much as you can, throw money at it. Also

Get a cleaner
Make your husband pull his weight
Get promoted

Good luck.

Lasvegas · 20/08/2014 19:15

Mine is about to start secondary so finally after 11 years I won't have to take and collect from school. I only have one couldn't have coped with another. Though we both have long commutes. After 4 years work let me work a flexible yet full time week. It has been a hard 11 years that is for sure.

SamanthaJones · 20/08/2014 19:15

Also, lower your standards.