To wonder how people survive years of juggling childcare and work?

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DC (3) is in nursery full time and both DP and I work full time and I'm constantly chasing my tail. DC hates waking up, is overtired in the evening and moans when dropped off at nursery (but loves it during the day). On a week day, a simple 5 minute delay can totally mess up the routine. I'm lucky to have a good, flexible employer but every day is non-stop and I'm turning into a scatter brain!

Given that DP and I want more DC's, I was wondering how on earth other people survive the sleepless nights and tiredness for years on end!

I only work very part time and flexibly (but study as well) and it is still very hectic (mine are 10 and 8). The sleepless nights are long gone, but the evenings are chaotic with Cubs, Brownies, swimming lessons, sports, most of which are in the 5-7.30ish timeframe, so the DCs don't go to bed till 9 (later at weekends) then there's homework, spellings, school holidays, INSET days etc, plus all those activities have letters, subs, calendar dates, uniforms, sports kits and quite a few of them need volunteer parents to help run them. I appreciate that the activities are optional, but they do get a great deal out of them.

The only way to cope is strict routines and good calendar management, deal with everything the minute it needs dealing with and get everything ready the night before. I really don't know how I'd cope if we still had pre-school age children in the mix, I am very grateful that mine are so close in age as they are/will be in the same nursery/school most of the time.

Teamwork. Total teamwork.

Dh thinks about uniforms and clothes, I arrange packed lunches.
Dh does school run, I do nursery run.
Dh does bath/bed routine, I make dinner.
We both keep on top of laundry. We both are aware of letters home etc.

Weekends can be spent catching up on housework or saying bugger it and just having fun. Whichever it is, we generally just enjoy the time we spend all together.

I find the key to enjoying life is to enjoy the mundane.

I should say - we weren't always so organised. Like anything, you get better with practise.

I couldn't manage it so no good asking me. Our quality of life suffered due to my working full-time.

I agree that it doesn't get easier. At least when they are toddlers they are asleep by 7.

This thread is so depressing. There must be another way?

We're organised as hell or it all goes horribly wrong. We have years of this - DC are 2.10 and 8mo. Both DH and I start work at 8, so have to be at nursery as soon as the doors open. This means those mornings are pretty grim as DS1 is awful if he needs waking up. Clothes, nursery bags, lunches etc are all prepped and ready the night before. Quite often I make the next nights tea wen the kids are in bed (if it's curry or something) so just needs getting up when we get in.

Work won't allow either of us to go pt or change hours, and we don't work in an industry where we can work from home. We can't afford for either of us to quit work either, so we just suck it up and get on really.

I honestly wouldn't have more than 2 children, and I'd try to have those 2 close together. I think it's really grim to be one of those parents with lots of children. The hard work and difficult juggling just goes on and on, long after you're totally fed up with it. Once the youngest is 9 or 10, you can leave them on their own for up to a day if you need to, and things get a lot easier. If that's too long to wait, then get an aupair?

I went down to two days a week of work for 9 years. Keeps the CV ticking over and recently I've got a really good (4 day a week) job now my kids are 11 and 13. So it did work out in the end without the 5 day a week slog.

I would ask you, as husband/partner is working to put a roof over your heads, are you working to put food on the table, or are you working for luxuries like holidays, second car etc. If you are working for luxuries then perhaps you could stay at home with children and maybe in the future when they are old enough to see themselves to/from school, maybe 14 or 15, then you could resume work to pay for well deserved 'luxuries' outlined above !! They are not children for very long you know.

We have flextime and every 2nd Friday off, although DH works all of his.

He does mornings, as I can barely get myself organised in the morning, and I start at 6.30am. I finish at 4pm and do pickups, dinner and bed. Dh isn't home until 7.30/8pm, just in time for a story.

TBH I don't know how many in the UK do it. In the US we have great before/after school care which also covers teacher days off and is included in the monthly cost. Summer Camps are well organised and easy and preschool has wrap around care for an extra $200-300 a month.

We manage it all okay even without any family or friends as backup.

I think we would fall apart if we had to move back to the UK tbh.

That's all well granny but I don't want to spend 15yrs just existing, not being able to relax, or not fret about bills or things going wrong. I want to live my life, and make it enjoyable for the DC as well. We can't do that on one wage. Not to mention trying to put aside for pensions etc.. as well!

Grannymcphee

You have NO idea

We don't need guilt, we have enough if that already, but as floozy says above it's infinitely better than being a dosser claiming benefits or being skint

Plus there's more than one way to be a parent

Plus paying the mortgage is a luxury we can't afford to not pay

I don't work to keep the roof over our heads or for luxuries, but because I have always intended to work, I enjoy my work and I enjoy my financial independence. Life is hectic but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Grannnymcphee was just voicing an opinion. You don't have to like it and you don't have to take any of the advice here either.

The government should massively incentivise employers to provide 'term-time' working. Why is parenthood made to feel like such a minority interest?!

One persons wage only pays the rent here ( London rent so crazy), so the other person pays childcare/ food/ bills etc

Urgh. there's always at least one on every thread about working mums, wondering how you can bear to spend a moment away from your precious little kiddy winkers. Ho hum.

Anyway, how you cope is:

a) lower your standards generally, but especially with regards to stuff that is non-essential like having an immaculate home, always having home cooked meals (not possible unless you get a cleaner).
b) accept that you will constantly feel tired, and that's okay
c) take days off just for yourself every now and then
d) get a family calendar/event planner and use it!
e) make lots of lists (this may just be me).

Yes yes to lists and family planner

Without this the world would fall apart

And yes to wanting to work, for there are only so many toddler sense classes anyone can bear

Lists and notes and a cleaner - who has to be where when and with what. Stock up on things like kids birthday presents so not caught out by last min invites. Shop on line and get delivered Eric

Two working parents = security.

When Bigger One was 11 months old (2 weeks after I went back to work with the secret plan to do it for 3 months, announce it wasn't working and give up) my dh got made redundant. In a "go to normal Monday morning meeting with boss and half an hour later be escorted out of the building" kind of way.

It was a stressful time but we knew that I earnt enough to pay the mortgage and feed us. Without that knowledge it would have been terrifying.

By the way, I am a working single parent and organisation does not come naturally! I've had to learn though :).

Lists/planners are what works for me.

OP - is there any scope for either you or your DH to drop to 4 days a week, give you some breathing time.

If not, is there any money in the budget for a nanny rather than nursery and use a free pre-school, or use nursery for the mornings then a nanny pick up from the nursery to do afternoons? That might help your DD have a less tiring day, and give you a little more flexibility. If you can do the nanny and the normal pre-school, then the nanny can get your DD ready and let your DD have a more relaxed morning routine - although that might mean you miss your morning time with her. (if you are planning a 2nd DC, it's worth looking at this cost wise anyway, because the before and after school care and holiday care will be very expensive on top of the nursery fees for DC2, you might not be much worse off for a lot more relaxing day).

2 full time is hard. You have my sympathies. But it's not forever - you must see your DD is getting more independent, and your DC2 might be a good sleeper...

I have to say in a lot of roles dropping a day makes for 4 horrid breakneck speed days with 5 days worth of work, I found it seriously drained me and I got 20% less pay for the pleasure so went back FT

We live in a less nice house than most people earning at our level, so that we can afford for one of us to work part time. In our case that is DH though as I am pregnant with DC2 I will be on mat leave and he will do full time contract work while I am off. If we didn't work in flexible workplaces that allow that, we would only have had one DC. Sad but that is the way things are in this country at the moment. Totally agree with pp who says employers need to accommodate term time only/more flexible working patterns. The number of talented people who are un- or under-employed because of the impossible demands they face in trying to both work FT and have a family is a terrible waste to the economy but also of millions of (mainly) women's experience, ability and fulfilment, not to mention financial independence.

I went part time after DS1, then SAHM after DS2 (due to redundancy), then became a childminder which became too much, now a SAHM again (only 4 weeks in though ) until I find the right job.

Luckily we can afford to pay the essentials and have a few treats.
We live up North bought a house 13 years ago and own the second car outright. Looking to find something soon though in order to save for old age.

I am not prepared at present time (DS's 8 & 5) to join the rat race and all the hassle it entails with regards to childcare.

I am also not a dosser I volunteer in school, I'm a school governor, I'm on a local community group trying to get new facilities for our young people. And I hope to volunteer for a charity which helps struggling families. Oh and we receive no benefits except Child Benefit.