To wonder how people survive years of juggling childcare and work?

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DC (3) is in nursery full time and both DP and I work full time and I'm constantly chasing my tail. DC hates waking up, is overtired in the evening and moans when dropped off at nursery (but loves it during the day). On a week day, a simple 5 minute delay can totally mess up the routine. I'm lucky to have a good, flexible employer but every day is non-stop and I'm turning into a scatter brain!

Given that DP and I want more DC's, I was wondering how on earth other people survive the sleepless nights and tiredness for years on end!

Drspouse - I take my hat off to you, you do washable nappies?!

Well, thank you for the hat-tip BUT... when we do disposables e.g. on holiday we are always finding ourselves without any nappies... so really, we aren't organised enough for disposables.

This way there are always some in the cupboard!

It's a wash/hang up every second day, and a 5 minute session of stuffing them again the day after or sometimes it takes slightly over 24h to dry.

Nursery shove them in a wet bag and we shove the wet bag in the machine at the end of the day, and then the next days/night nappies the second day, then add powder and switch it on.

I find it no more hassle than taking a bin bag downstairs every day full of dirty nappies, to be honest. Plus, unless it's sunny, you don't have to go outside.

PS I am reasonably confident that DS will be potty trained by the time DD starts nursery (for a few sessions before I go back to work) or AT LEAST he will be IF IT KILLS ME before I go back to work next April. So we should only have 1 in washable nappies with 2 working parents and 2 children in nursery... fingers crossed...

DS2 starts school in a couple of weeks, and for us things will we hope get markedly easier. No more eye watering nursery fees, only breakfast club at school, and both DC being in the same place, and dropped off/picked up at the same time.

But we're lucky in that I work for myself so can organise things round things like school plays, parent consultations, teacher training days, sports days, etc etc, and can take a bit more time off in school holidays. For those without that ability I can quite see that school would be much worse than a nursery open all day, all year round.

Melissa83 - I have a life it's just different to yours

I wouldn't say working gives you a life, and I work FT!! It interferes with the life I would like to have but at the same time gives me a different life to the one I have at home

It gets easier ss they get older -but then I think I may be about to enter a stage where they'll resent being 'looked after' because they'll perceive it as me thinking they're not old enough to look after themselves.....

I approach holiday childcare planning like a military exercise.The next holiday has been covered before the one were on had even started.It's the only way to ensure dh and I can get the leave we needl

Now they are both at high school, I can breathe a sigh of relief.

I think we just got on with it. Dh went to work at 7am, I left about 8 with the kids, and then I had to remember to collect them at the other end and dh was rarely home before me! We got there somehow! I don't know how though.

I've worked P/T, usually about 20 hrs a week in pre-school since mine were both at school. Now they're both at secondary I'm just about to go almost F/T on 30+ hrs, but will still finish at end of school day and be off with them in school holidays.
With child-care as it is in this country I'm amazed and impressed that so many manage it all as well as they do.
It looked a bit "no can do" from where I was standing -
But then I've always worked in teaching/early years anyway

Best of luck to all

I work part time, and always have,usually always been fairly flexible with hours around the school day, or at least I would be working when dh would be home, I've been lucky and had friends and family do childcare for us and I occaisionaly use kids clubs, I do get the immpression from people who have a f/t career that they think part time is practically a sahm but once you have more than 1 child everyone has to juggle ,even sahms!

With DD I worked part time (after taking only 3 months mat leave) - was a single mum.

She's now 8 and I've just had another (4 months). I know work full time (again - only 3 months mat leave) and DP has left his job to be a SAHD. We had no choice - I earn more money and child care costs would have wiped out his salary (and then some) - add to that he worked shifts so our quality of life together would have been pretty shit abysmal.

It's a struggle and you have to make sacrifices along the way - but I wouldn't change a thing.

It gets much easier as they get older and if you continued up your full time career ladder and the riches are pouring in too it is really wonderful particularly if you can afford school and university fees for them and help with their first properties never mind spare money to spend on what you choose. Women's income is the key to a lot of happiness in life even though plenty of people don't like to admit that that is the case. That income is often assured and consolidated because she carried on working.

It's a whole other thread but I'm not working to buy them their first home or pay their fees!!

I'm working to keep a roof over their heads and be able to buy them things now without worrying

They can sort out their own mortgages when the time comes, bugger that!!

Lol@working giving you a 'life'
If anything it sucks the life out of you.

I think its different if your older so you have already had your life but if like me and dh you have children in early 20s then I had to take until the children were in secondary off as has been suggested then add that to the spaces of my children I wouldnt be working again until late 40s/50s

Reading with interest.

DD is nearly 2, always been a poor sleeper and still wakes frequently in the night. I am pregnant again (I know - idiot ) and DH and I both work in very full on jobs - I do 4 days he does full time. We are absolutely on our knees with tiredness. And we have a nanny and a cleaner so life is easier in theory!

My current plan is to survive until maternity leave... then see how it goes after that. If it's not manageable with 2 DC then something will have to give - I will probably have to move to a less demanding job.

My tips:

• Best childcare you can afford, so you never feel guilty
• Online grocery shopping
• Online everything else shopping too
• Lower your standards - both at home and at work (only to the extent you can without it being noticed!) for example:

- if you want to have friends over, ask them if a take away is ok - accept that your to do list will look the same for months on end

• Take turns at weekends so the other can have a nap/lie in/do something just for themselves
• Batch cooking and some decent ready meals in the freezer
• If you can, rope the grandparents in to help as much as you can (even if it's only twice a year it makes a difference)

Oh, and I also worked as a nanny when dd was a baby and took her with me (2 days a week)

Greengrow - if I'd had a career to speak of I'd have gone back and kept my hand in. However, I was made redundant from a fairly niche graduate job. With no chance of picking up something similar, without moving miles away. I was only on 21k anyway and being a small company there wasn't even a proper pension with employer contributions.
I need to retrain so I'm just taking some time out. And trying decide what to actually do! But like Melissa83 I don't think I can wait until the kids are a secondary as I will be 42 by then.

The hit to my barely existent pension is a worry. But something I'll have to deal with at the time. But I think once I'm earning I will plough my salary away as we have not been used to receiving it.

I run two small business from home. (One established and doesn't take up too much time - the other i am trying to get off the ground). I've two DC, 5 and 3.
DH works long hours board level FTSE100 company so we never see him and he does NOTHING at home

It's tough. My child care for Easter fell thru and DH was away for 18 consecutive nights (and days).

Most of the child care for summer hols fell through as well. No fault of anyone's just that the childminder lost both her parents within 3 months of each other in tragic circs with a lot of sorting out to be done.

But it's put me behind in ways I cannot possibly describe. It's awful. I've lost about 6 weeks worth of working time this year.

I wish I had any idea of how to manage better. I would like H to help but it isn't possible and he clearly can't be arsed

All I can suggest is team work!!

And sympathise.

I am watching out for good ideas/solutions on here (other than divorce)

It's hard. Eg we have got seven working days to sort out after school child care after original plans fell through.

If you are in a relationship and both work FT, as a pp said, it's all about teamwork. Both parties have to pull their weight, both in terms of childcare stresses and chores.

What doesn't work is if you are interviewing a nanny this evening and DH decides that he is going for a last minute drink with friends. Am fuming.

I went pt just for the reasons you described. I was very lucky and my employer allowed it. It was no fun working ft and not enjoying dc

Never ever let these sexist awful men do less than 50%. I recommend earning 10x what your other half does as I did. It's wonderful and certainly ensures men pull their weight at home. I don't know why more women don't do it. Just because you are female is not reason at all to earn much less than your man.

Oh, Green, it's you . How are things, Lady?

I'll let you get on with your ministry but have you ever thought about doing motivational speaking engagements or webcasts or something like that? I bet they'd be really successful...

OP, you don't have to be chasing your tail all the time. Having a SAHP works really well for lots of families and means that everyone gets downtime at the end of the day. You may never be able to buy your children their first properties or islands but it's perfectly possible to have an amazing and balanced life, when one adult in a family does not work outside the home. Doesn't matter if it's Mum or Dad .

yanbu. I'm 5yrs in as LP and TBH I often don't know what day it is. It makes me really bloody sad I'm too tired and stressed to really enjoy my dc's but at least we have a cosy house and food in the fridge.

The women I know who have had more than 2 kids and have quite senior positions (offhand one is CEO of her own company and one is fairly high up in the US diplomatic service) have had a lot of family help at home. The first had her mum move in with them into a granny flat (very nice one though) attached to her house when her first was born and they've gone on to have five kids (she grew up an only child and said she always wanted a big family). The second has had my MiL (also hers) live with them for extended periods of time even when at some points she has also had a nanny, driver and housekeeper. They have 3 kids. Like a PP said, it actually got a bit harder when she had to go back to the US for two years between postings and the kids started school - school holidays/before- afterschool is more difficult to manage than regular full-time childcare and 'hired help' is not as readily available - she didn't have to pay for her staff when on assignment but when at home, it's not paid for.

God knows how we'd manage without my parents - luckily they live a mile from us and have our twin DC's 4 days a week while DW works.
DW works full time and I work much more than full time (albeit at home on the farm) I'm hoping as they get a bit older they'll want to come and work with me in the school hols, like I did with my father. Who knows, they might even be of some use.

My boys are going to be very close to their grandparents as they grow up.