To wonder how people survive years of juggling childcare and work?

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DC (3) is in nursery full time and both DP and I work full time and I'm constantly chasing my tail. DC hates waking up, is overtired in the evening and moans when dropped off at nursery (but loves it during the day). On a week day, a simple 5 minute delay can totally mess up the routine. I'm lucky to have a good, flexible employer but every day is non-stop and I'm turning into a scatter brain!

Given that DP and I want more DC's, I was wondering how on earth other people survive the sleepless nights and tiredness for years on end!

All the SAHMs I know (quite a few round where I live) work bloody hard whether they are claiming benefits or not. They are definitely not dossers.

Sometimes I'm envious of the fact they don't have to worry about work/fitting everything else in around work but then there might be things they envy about me.

I'm saying this in the faint hope this thread doesn't turn into a SAHM vs WOHM bunfight.

Flipinada I am am envious of people with careers who get dressed up smart and go out of the house to an office/ workplace and engage with other adults!
I hope to be one of those people soon. Just need to figure out what to do!

Sorry granny but I've been poor - had enough to pay the bills and that was it. It was misery and drudgery and I'm not going back there. You're dead right though, children are only young for a short while and I'm glad the money I bring in allows us to do fun stuff. It's hard to juggle, and I'm glad my boss appreciates me so makes it as easy as she can for me, but even if she didn't, I wouldn't go back to those days of feeling sick if the boiler made a funny noise or the cat sneezed or if I noticed my child's shoes were falling apart.

Sometimes engaging with other adults isn't all it's cracked up to be .

That said, although it's hard work and challenging I do enjoy my job - it isn't particularly well paid but it is rewarding in other ways.

Granny- my dh was made redundant 2 yrs ago, my wage kept the mortgage paid and us away from the breadline He now has another job, but at a far lower wage- I am now the main wage earner. without my job the 'luxury' of our mortgage would be lost.

Two fulltime workers and no holiday this year- few luxuries here!!

A day nanny. We had 3 under 4. Cheaper than a nursery. She comes to you before the latest of you or your partner has to leave for work and she leaves when the first of you gets home.

It much harder if you have one income, deadly boring and not good for many families if you give up work so don't even consider that. It is even more tiring too.

Unfortunately as everyone has said you just suck it up and accept it. And to granny, my dh started his own practice 3 years ago after being made redundant with no redundancy pay. So thank goodness for my salary which is now paying the mortgage, nursery fees, food, bills, clothes, etc.

I cannot imagine what would have happened if I was a sahm. Even if I was able to get a random job it would have been minimum wage (if i wasn't already in a good job with proper skills and experience) and that would have meant losing the house etc as we don't get any benefits beyond the child benefit.

In some Asian countries though there is a huge reliance on grandparents as well as live in domestic help. So all that 'sucking up' that we do in the uk, it gets done by the other female in the family, the live in help. So she will do all the home cooking, food shopping, cleaning, picking up kids and dropping them off. She can also be called on for other assistance in the household like gardening, car cleaning etc.

Note: I do not approve of such 'modern slavery' but I can see how it works for these families in the Far East. It enables both careers to grow (assuming you are both equally ambitious or able and willing) and also allows for couple time and good quality family time - as the domestic will be doing all the mundane stuff whilst you can go swimming with your kids or read with them!

Teamwork. Total teamwork.

Dh thinks about uniforms and clothes, I arrange packed lunches.
Dh does school run, I do nursery run.
Dh does bath/bed routine, I make dinner.
We both keep on top of laundry. We both are aware of letters home etc.

Only one DC in nursery so far (on leave with no 2) but this.

When I was at work as well, he did nursery bag, including packed tea when he was in the room that gave tea. I did most nursery runs (as it's my workplace nursery), I usually did CM run but he did probably one pick up in three (it's nearer home/train station). When DS goes to school and will probably go to CM after school, though, I think he'll be doing most of the CM pick ups (haven't told him that yet!).

We take it in turns to order nursery lunches.

Ditto laundry, and we have a cleaner, letters home go to our shared email address.

One of us does bath/bed and the other does dinner (or a combination of dinner and clear up if we are having dinner with DS).

Now we are back to bottles for DD one of us does bed for her and goes on MN (she cluster feeds in the evening and goes to bed later) while the other washes bottles and makes them up for the night.

I have also just decided that nappies can get washed every other day (whoever puts DS to bed brings the bucket downstairs if it's full) but only one further wash to be put on in the week, DS can re-wear some things, DD's clothes are too small to take up much room in the basket. Everything else can get done en masse at the weekend now so we both contribute.

Drspouse - I take my hat off to you, you do washable nappies?!

You are a saint

It is much harder if you have one income, deadly boring and not good for many families so don't even consider doing that.

Don't be silly, Greengrow. I've been a SAHM since my first was a toddler and it's awesome. Ok, yes, the early years were hard work but now it's fabulous. They are all school-aged now so I can do whatever I want during the day . I have started riding horses again, I go for long runs with the dog, knit, read, catch up on movies, volunteer at school and in my neighbourhood, bake, visit my Mum and Dad. All the DC are away at summer camp this week and it's like a vacation. Being a SAHP is only boring/not good for your family if you are unimaginative, lazy or unable to provide the provide for your family.

provide for. Just once will do .

Oscar... you have my award for best actress unless you aren't fibbing and then I am green with envy-

I think some women with very sexist men have no idea what husbands of equal working wives do at home and almost cannot believe it. When our oldest 3 were young their father did 100% of the washing (and we had three in nappies at night aged a baby 1 and 3 (and we both worked full time) so that was a lot of cloth nappies. I did other things.

The drspouse is how equal couples do manage things fairly and as a team, not one slightly helping the other. I think the secret is to divide particular tasks (and share some). Eg my father in the 1960s did bed time every night for one of us and my mother the other - we were close in age too. He hoovered at weekends and did the house. He also did every night feed - my siblings were not breastfed but then my mother worked for 13 years as a teacher and supported him during the 1950s whilst he spent all those years qualifying - he was doing exams until he was over 30 (one degree, then after that a 6 or 7 year medical degree, then specialising as a consultant). So if you have generations of feminists behind you life is a lot easier.

My DH does his share. But I've always finished work and arrived home before him even pre DC's so I prepare tea, it's a courtesy really if he is still out at work and he'd do it for me. I also did a few jobs before I left for work.

I fit in some basic housework jobs whilst being a Childminder and could take and pick the kids up. But a lot of the cleaning was done when he got home and he would spend time with the kids whilst I did it. If he had to he would do more. And he does at weekends.

We live in Asia and at a 'women's network' meeting a senior woman was asked how she managed three school aged children and her job, she had an equally senior husband. The answer, 2 live in maids and a driver! Doesn't sadly work in the UK but depending on the employer certainly also doesn't have to be modern day slavery for the 'help' either any more than a live in Nanny is a slave!

I work three days per week, with a 1hour 15 commute each way and only manage due to very understanding employers and some help from a grandparent. My four year old does two half days and two long days at nursery.

A few months ago I began to feel a bit of 'childcare fatigue' - but school is on the horizon and maybe the shift in routine will help.

I do full time hours 9-5.30 with an hours commute at each side, one child at school in before and after school club, one child in nursery FT, I do drop off and breakfast, husband does pick up and dinner/prep for bed

It's a military procedure but it really really wouldn't be possible to give up work or lessen hours in our roles

It ticks over, I find the less you overthink things the better, of course on paper it looks like it shouldn't work but you know you just get on with it

Boleh I used the term modern slavery because these domestic live in help do not just work 40 h a week. Hardly. They don't get their weekends off either (once a month?). Of course there are good employers and there are nasty ones too. But in general they don't just work 40h/week.

And they definitely do not get paid the equivalent of what one would pay in the uk for a nanny.

YANBU

I have three and work VERY part-time (between 4 and 16 hours a week) and I struggle, despite having all mine at school in the week. doesn't help that I'm on mumsnet 10 hours a week minimum

All the women I know who work f/t with small children and who seem to be coping are:

• very, very fit and hardy and often quite young
• have supportive family/partner with flexible working
• very rich and buying in loads of help
• on their knees (if none of the above).

I take my hat off to mothers who work full-time and care for a young family. To dads to, if they're sharing the care of the children equally while working full-time.

Fwiw I work ft in a senior position although the pay doesn't equate to that! No grandparents or any help nearby. I do drop off at nursery and most pick ups. Dh drops ds off at school. He works from home. We have after school clubs which end at 6 which helps. We have a cleaner once a week. I bulk cook.

I shower in the evenings. Dh in the morning. I wake at 6 to put a load of washing on, have breakfast whilst looking at emails and the bbc news app. I start to make lunches too. Then I go upstairs to get ready. Kids are woken up after that. 7.30 they have breakfast. 8.20 we start rolling.

I'm not hardy, rich, fit or young

I don't have family help and a cook, cleaner or nanny

I'm not on my knees either

We all have differing thresholds, I suppose we all cope differently

Stoicism helps I find

Minifingers

I think your summary is fairly accurate - although I don't actually fit in, but I accept I am very lucky! One day at work I was speculating and out of all the senior women, I am sure I'm the only one who doesn't have no children or grown up children or a partner who works p/t or not at all or to be on the megabucks required to pay for substantial help.

Funnily enough when I thought of the senior men, there were loads with young families.

You get more hardcore the more you have. Its the way you look at things I think. We are not the types to prioritise a lot of pointless over stuff that is fun. Everything important always gets sorted. Will anyone die if it doesnt get done today and if each other moans give each other pep talks telling each other to shut the fuck up and stop being a lightweight.

Reading the messages I would rather do 1000 hours a week than stay at home. Just because I have a lot of children why shouldnt I be allowed a life?