To expect grandparents wanting to holiday with their grandchildren to do some childcare?

[Wellington3]

Am probably being unreasonable as feeling fraught after a family holiday with the in- laws. In-laws (grandparents to my dc) were very keen to spend time with the dc so we rented a cottage together. Their spending time with DC (aged 4 & 5) involved them looking at the children and doing nothing to help entertain them. DCs requests for a drink or the loo went "unheard" until either DH or I were back in the vicinity.

Obviously they're not their DCs and the responsibility for them is mine and DHs but isn't part of spending time with the children dealing with the boring stuff too? Everyone is fit & in good health. Perhaps cherry- picking the good bits is a grand-parents ' prerogative. Keen to hear of your experiences.

This year we had our own holiday, with shock horror kids clubs. It was the best time we've had in many years. Am v happy for the gps to have time at ours, time at theirs, a weekend away if they suggest it they won't but our main holiday will be ours alone.

We have started doing this. We realised that we were living in each other's pockets too much (going away with GP's EVERY holiday) and its not healthy. Now we holiday separately and the GP's have their own 'much more relaxing' holiday (which they need and it's good for them to go away just as a couple aslo), and we might all go away together for the odd long weekend.
It's much better.

How do you know they are ignoring the kids requests for a drink of water / toilet when you and your DH are not about? Also maybe they think at 4 and 5 it is high time your DC started doing these simple self care things for themselves, and that is why they pretend not to hear.
Does anybody here really take their 5 year old to the toilet ?? (unless out in public)

Yes - I must say I did wonder about the going to the toilet bit - I'm sure my DC have done that on their own since about 3. Getting a drink I am lazier as if they can't reach the tap I tend to do it myself rather than encourage having steps and things in the kitchen!!! - So I would hope that someone could help them with that if I were away from them for a reasonable period of time. But then again if it was only a few minutes while I was out of the room and my IL's were with the DC, the DC would generally know to wait and ask me as they would have picked up the cues that the GP weren't up for doing those things!! Tbh the way these children are portrayed makes them sound more like 2 and 3 than 4 and 5.

Queen sometimes it is needed. My DD is nearly five and can't reach the light in GPs bathroom.

Sometimes she might need checking regarding wiping. She's getting there though. She definitely can't get herself a drink as she can't reach the sink.

We are going away with DOs family in January, they would always help out regardless of being asked. I don't expect it but my I am bloody grateful. They really are wonderful grandparents. The kind I hope I'm like when and if my DC go on to have children.

yanbu.
I have explicitly said to DH that I am not happy to regularly go on hols with his parents unless they change their ways and help out with the kids. We see the in-laws v regularly and are loving towards them, which I think is important, and I am resigned to the fact that although they are v generous to us and are v fond of the DC, they just don't do anything practical to help out (they have never changed a nappy, fed them a meal, never once looked after them on their own). However hols are different, they are sacred for me, we get little family time, my DH works long hours . . . . a holiday is solely for rest and restoration, not for making other people happy. Hence we often holiday with my parents, who will really help out with the DC, but not with the in laws who will bring with them all the hassle of another agenda and wishes to do x y and z, but without the compensation of help with the DC. I know that I laws consider it unfair that we holiday with my parents but not with them but I've just said to DH that he can leave it as it is or explain frankly to them why we do it this way.

We both work FT, annual leave is precious and there is hardly anyone would want to spend much of it with, family or friends!

FIL can only deal with GCs in very short bursts so would never suggest a holiday

My parents do an awful lot for the GCs but are interfering, have had the odd holiday with them but not every year, easier to see them and get them to babysit on their home turf!

I really thought that grandparents coming on holiday meant a bit of childcare - but I realise now it's just that the grandparents I work with do this.

People have very different ideas of what being a grandparent entails; a friends mum drives across the country every two weeks and stays with them for three days so her daughter can work. My mum (even if she could drive), wouldn't dream of it. Part of it is going to be how their parents were as grandparents.....

My partner and I have both been surprised by how not hands-on his parents have been. (Trying not to think about how much childcare they did for his sister!). But we've learned not to expect anything, and then it's a lovely bonus if they spend half an hour with dd and I get to read the paper.