To expect grandparents wanting to holiday with their grandchildren to do some childcare?

[Wellington3]

Am probably being unreasonable as feeling fraught after a family holiday with the in- laws. In-laws (grandparents to my dc) were very keen to spend time with the dc so we rented a cottage together. Their spending time with DC (aged 4 & 5) involved them looking at the children and doing nothing to help entertain them. DCs requests for a drink or the loo went "unheard" until either DH or I were back in the vicinity.

Obviously they're not their DCs and the responsibility for them is mine and DHs but isn't part of spending time with the children dealing with the boring stuff too? Everyone is fit & in good health. Perhaps cherry- picking the good bits is a grand-parents ' prerogative. Keen to hear of your experiences.

came back.

Happy fair point

My parents are brilliant in pretty much every way with Dd but they don't offer to babysit for her so we can go out while we are on holiday. We do occasionally wish they would but they are so fantastic in all other ways it would be very churlish to complain.

In your place I would be a bit fed up I must admit. I have friends whose parents are the same and they feel sad both at their parents lack of interest and inability to see that a helping hand would be welcome.

Happy fair point

This is what they do. Its not about being hands on its about watching you be hands on.
We did get an evening out though because they knew we wouldn't manage it any other time.
You may find they are more interested in dc as the dc get older, that happened with us.
Now pil have dd for a couple of days over the holidays, visit often but live an hour away.

Morecrack

Getting stuck in as a grandma translates as:

Having your dil on here, complaining about the interfering mil.

It's odd that they suggested a family holiday if they had no expectation of any hands-on childcare. Fine, if they didn't want to babysit and have the kids on their own - that could be daunting for them - but surely it's just manners to respond to requests for water, trip to the toilet etc? If they asked for a drink of water and you ignored them, I'm sure they'd be offended.

We get minimal help from ILs and my parents when we see them but we live abroad so rarely see them anyway. Help would be nice but we've just accepted that it won't ever happen.

Neither my parents nor ILs would actively ignore DC when with them though and would get them a drink or snack or put on shoes etc if needed. Actual hands-on entertainment and interaction is a bit more thin on the ground and offers of babysitting decidedly absent, however!

YANBU

We usually have one holiday each year with DM and one with MIL. My DM drives herself there, mucks in with preparing meals, often gets breakfast for DCs while we haven't quite made it downstairs, responds to requests for drinks, and has been known to wipe the odd bottom. Oh and she never stays the whole week as says it's not fair on us if she did. And she offers to pay, we refuse but let her pay for a meal or two or tickets or whatever. And wears sensible clothes for spending time with DC. As a PP said, you just adapt to being a larger family unit for the holiday.

MIL has to be picked up, never plays with kids, never offers help, never offers to pay and wears things like court shoes and white skirts despite bring told we plan to visit eg a woodland playground. And chooses cake as her only lunch and has no concept of us trying to teach DC that they need to have something vaguely nutritious as their main course and if they are lucky might get to share a piece of cake after. And DH can't understand why I always suggest she only comes for few days (sometimes works, sometimes I lose and don't feel like I've had a holiday at all).

My mum was in her 70s when I had my boys. She stated straight out not to expect much on the way of help as she felt it might be beyond her. It helped knowing that - set expectations.
As it turned out she saw how easy they were to deal with and offered to babysit when I was down for a visit.

indigo and thebody.

My kids always really enjoyed the kids clubs. I was a SAHM for many years and DH was always completely hands on, so feel absolutely no guilt about "farming them out" for a few days a year.

A holiday means different things to different people, if you spend loads of quality time with your child every day, then it's quite nice to have a bit of a break from them.

The best ever kids club was when one of the other children was a lead actor from Grange Hill, there was nothing more exciting to my 9 year old brain than abseiling with an actual tv star

Sorry, will stop banging on about kids clubs now.

It seems quite rude to not even take the children to the toilet or get them a drink when they ask.

YANBU

I wouldn't necessarily expect babysitting but I would expect general mucking in with regards to getting drinks/toilet, maybe taking a child with them if they walk to the shop or go to the pool, that kind of thing.

Steady on tinkly each to their own.

It wasn't for us and I too was a sahm for years but that's Holidays isn't it. They are for each to enjoy and very individual.

On the mil/grandmother front.

No just no holidays with grandkids. We had ours young and we sent ready for bottom
Wiping again just yet!

Arnt not we sent.

Toilet & drinks are a basic need not a treat! Even my ils did that! How can anyone ingore a child asking for the loo :/

I loved kid's clubs on holiday as a child! I'm looking forward to DS being old enough to go too.

My kids are 19.5 and 17.5. Other than when I have been in hospital having major surgery, PILs nor my parents have never looked after them, ever. Not at our house, their house or on holiday.

Your holiday might not have been what you would have liked, but honestly you don't know how lucky you are.

YANBU.

Of course they are not obliged to look after their grandchildren, but in that case, don't ask to come away with them. Adding Grandparents into the mix on a holiday changes the dynamics. As a couple, you have another pair of adults to take into account / agree things with, in return, you would expect everybody to chip in generally with whatever needs doing.
I'd not go with them again.

Do they have much contact with your children at other times?

I would expect my parents' interaction and relationship with my children to be the same on holiday as it is the rest of the year.

Although I had lovely parents & lovely ILs, who all loved their grandchildren very much they never looked after them at all. Nowhere, in no circumstance.

My mum used to come on holiday with us sometimes and would have called me over if either DS had asked for a drink or the loo. That is normal to me TBH because I've known no different. My GPs were the same, as I recall.

DH & I have not had a night out alone together in about 12 years as it happens!

Had we been given the opportunity to have either set of GPs help out a bit that would have been great - so YANBU to hope for some childcare to be offered but YABU to expect it.

YANBU op, although before I read your whole post I assumed you'd brought the gps along to do loads of babysitting - like very old au pairs! - whilst you and dh swan about child free for most of the duration that would have been a bit U, but expecting them to pour some juice occasionally is perfectly R.

As for kids clubs, the only ones I've experienced (in French campsites) are for a 2 hour stretch so hardly 'dumping' your dc all day. We let our dc decide if/when they want to go; dd1 was an only child for years, then much older than her siblings, so she loved kids clubs because it was a great way to spend time with her peers and make friends. My younger two, on the other hand, have eachother and think kids clubs are a bit boring so they usually pass. I don't get the need to judge other parents over them, ffs if I was a single parent I would probably bribe my dc to attend every session

morethanpotatoprints

Thank the Lord I only have a daughter. I shall be able to interfere to my heart's content

Actually, my dh probably spends more time with my parents than his own.

I don't understand why two people would need so much help looking after their dc on holiday? I don't blame pils for not wanting to be live in babysitters, they've done their bit bringing up kids by that age.