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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with my friend?

115 replies

bigredtractor · 17/08/2014 21:23

My friend has just cancelled her visit with 2 days notice after we agreed it back in June and I'm furious. I live 400 miles away now but we were (still are, I thought) close friends from when we lived in the same town. She is my 4yo's godmother.

My sister is also visiting next week - which I let her know out of courtesy. They've met many times. We've got 2 spare rooms just now so plenty of space for everyone. She (my friend) texted me back within the hour saying that she'll come later in the year when she doesn't have to share us with anyone ( her words). I've tried to persuade her but she won't change her mind. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

AIBU to be pissed off at her cancelling at this notice? And doubly pissed off at the -excuse- reason? Not wanting to 'share' time with me and the kids seems weird to me. PLUS the assumption that we can just 'do it another time' when we're not exactly round the corner.

I'm going to have a v disappointed 4yo. Grrrr

OP posts:
Acolyte · 17/08/2014 21:26

Maybe she feels she's intruding on family time.

Why did you invite your sister at the same time as your friend?

Fairenuff · 17/08/2014 21:27

Maybe they don't get on as well as you think they do?

SarahAndFuck · 17/08/2014 21:28

Is it possible she wants to speak to you about something important/private, and feels she can't do so with your sister also there?

ElizabethLemon · 17/08/2014 21:28

When did you tell her your sister was going to be staying too?

Hoppinggreen · 17/08/2014 21:28

Why arrange for your sister to come too? I would probably be a bit miffed that you didn't want to spend time with just me if I didn't see you often.

ChasedByBees · 17/08/2014 21:29

It is a bit disappointing g but having your sister there will change the entire dynamic. She might feel like a third wheel. Three isn't a great number for a visit IMO, she might be worrying that she would have been left out while you and your sister reminisce about your childhood.

Montegomongoose · 17/08/2014 21:29

I think I'm with your friend on this one. I'd be pretty pissed off if I arranged to go far to visit a friend and she's invited her sister and hasn't mentioned it to me, however many times I'd met her or spare rooms she had.

It would just change the dynamic too much.

Original poster
bigredtractor · 17/08/2014 21:29

Cause she starts a new job in Sept and wouldn't be able to come if it wasn't now. Plus we've socialised with each other's family a lot - I never dreamt that it would be an issue.

OP posts:
itiswhatitiswhatitis · 17/08/2014 21:30

Hmm I can see why she might prefer to do it when you don't have other visitors.

pictish · 17/08/2014 21:30

Hmm...I think you perhaps should have organised for them to stay at separate times.

NameChanged1967 · 17/08/2014 21:31

I agree with your friend, assuming you've only just told her about your sister.

I also enjoy one-to-one time with my friends.

Preciousbane · 17/08/2014 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thenightsky · 17/08/2014 21:31

YABU. I think she will feel she is intruding on your time with your sister.

pictish · 17/08/2014 21:32

As nice as I'm sure your sister is, your friend is travelling 400 miles to see you, not her.

Bowlersarm · 17/08/2014 21:32

I'm with your friend, I think. I wouldn't want to share my time with you with anyone else.

Acolyte · 17/08/2014 21:32

YABU

I too would probably pull out in those circumstances. I'd be travelling 400 miles to see my mate, not her sister!

scarletforya · 17/08/2014 21:32

I have to admit I hate when people double book me, especially without telling me. Someone I know she's this constantly and I just stopped bothering with her.

NameChanged1967 · 17/08/2014 21:33

I agree with your friend, assuming you've only just told her about your sister.

I also enjoy one-to-one time with my friends.

GoEasyPudding · 17/08/2014 21:33

I'm guessing she perhaps didn't want to spend her time making small talk with someone she doesn't know that well?

I went to a relatives house recently for a rare catch up and she had invited a couple I don't know. There was lots of polite, boring conversation and I felt I had had as much fun as I would have done if I had being talking to a stranger at a bus stop.

Original poster
bigredtractor · 17/08/2014 21:34

I'm not aware of any problems between them - its difficult to explain but my sisters & I visit each other a lot so its not a big deal for one of them to be here. I told her today cause my sister confirmed her train.

OP posts:
BringMeSunshine2014 · 17/08/2014 21:34

Just because you didn't see it might be an issue doesn't mean it's not for your friend. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but you are the one who has changed the plans. I'd have been upset you'd invited your sister at the same time, it would make me feel like you didn't want to do this as much as I did - I'd probably have postponed the trip as well. No matter how well you get on with someone else, it does change the dynamic.

PerkyBoots · 17/08/2014 21:34

When did you tell her your sister would be staying too?

YANBU if it was back in June when you arranged the visit.

Deliaskis · 17/08/2014 21:34

I'm also with your friend, and would be a little miffed at you for the change of plans with very little notice. It does change the dynamic of the weekend I think.

FatewiththeLeadPiping · 17/08/2014 21:35

This reply has been deleted

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pictish · 17/08/2014 21:36

You might not think it's a big deal for your sister to be there, but your friend, who is travelling 400 miles to see you does.