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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off with my friend?

115 replies

bigredtractor · 17/08/2014 21:23

My friend has just cancelled her visit with 2 days notice after we agreed it back in June and I'm furious. I live 400 miles away now but we were (still are, I thought) close friends from when we lived in the same town. She is my 4yo's godmother.

My sister is also visiting next week - which I let her know out of courtesy. They've met many times. We've got 2 spare rooms just now so plenty of space for everyone. She (my friend) texted me back within the hour saying that she'll come later in the year when she doesn't have to share us with anyone ( her words). I've tried to persuade her but she won't change her mind. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

AIBU to be pissed off at her cancelling at this notice? And doubly pissed off at the -excuse- reason? Not wanting to 'share' time with me and the kids seems weird to me. PLUS the assumption that we can just 'do it another time' when we're not exactly round the corner.

I'm going to have a v disappointed 4yo. Grrrr

OP posts:

ScrambledEggAndToast · 18/08/2014 06:42

I'd be pissed off too if I was your friend tbh. Your friend has arranged to come 400 miles to see you and you arrange for your sister to come at the same time Any reason it had to be the same weekend?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/08/2014 07:07

I think you owe your friend an apology. Unilaterally changing the arrangements at short notice was not on, regardless of what you might have done in the past.

Brabra · 18/08/2014 07:14

YABU

ODearMe · 18/08/2014 07:18

I hope you have apologised to your friend. IMO, you have ruined HER plans

Surfsup1 · 18/08/2014 07:20

Given that your friend has invited her family to stay when you visited her I can't see why she should get peevish about you doing the same especially as it was just a coincidence that the visits coincided and not a strategic manoeuvre.
Sounds like something that could probably be sorted out over a simple phone conversation though?

WorkingBling · 18/08/2014 07:25

I have a lots of friends whose family I know and vice versa. And in most cases I would be complete relaxed about additional people turning up for events etc. However, there are two exceptions to this and I suspect you have possibly broken one or even both :

If I was making a special effort to visit or spend time with my friend involving significant costs, time off work, travel etc

2 if it happens every single time. No matter how much I like my friends' friends and family sometimes I just want to see my friend alone. And if it happens over and over again I am afraid I start to get a bit miffed. This has happened twice to me and led to me withdrawing for a bit.

differentnameforthis · 18/08/2014 09:21

She wants to visit with just you & your immediate family. It is not that she doesn't want to share time with YOU, she doesn't want to SHARE you with your sister.

That's nice.

JessieMcJessie · 18/08/2014 10:29

I don't get why you feel that there it is wrong to "just assume we can do it another time because we're hardly around the corner". Your friend, who is the one travelling a long way,has said she can do it another time. All you have to do is stay put and welcome her. If you were the one who said do it another time I'd understand HER saying you were not just round the corner so not as easy as all that, but don't get why it bothers you.Or are you saying you don't believe her and actually she means she'll never rearrange?

You also said you'd pay for flight changes. Presumably that means that when the friend cried off she was doing so knowing she'd have to take a financial hit. That suggests she REALLY objects to spending time with your sister.

MarthasHarbour · 18/08/2014 13:45

Your second point struck me too Jessie

KnackeredMuchly · 18/08/2014 15:01

OP you sound awful, yabu yabu yabu.

BreezefromtheWest · 18/08/2014 15:13

I think you should phone (not text) your friend and tell her how terrible you feel, you are entirely to blame and weren't thinking - in the haze of massively trying to cope with DC while DH being offshore. Eat humble pie! Persuade her OP and say you didn't know what you were thinking.

Takingthemickey · 18/08/2014 16:23

@Knackered it is a bit much to say OP is awful. Calm down.

KnackeredMuchly · 18/08/2014 18:33

I'm not uncalm. She just seems to have very little appreciation for whatever suits her best isn't what other people want.

It all seems someone elses fault that she cant get what she wants.

WooWooOwl · 18/08/2014 18:40

You being on your own with your children is irrelevant.

You owe your friend a massive apology. Your sister sounds like she's being a bit pathetic though.

Urbanvoltaire · 18/08/2014 18:42

Yanbu, I get on v well my my sister & if (by the sounds of things) you and your friend do, I don't see the problem with her coming at the same time. It wouldn't bother me, the more the merrier esp as you've all shared other social occasions all together. I can understand you being miffed.

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