Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to be pissed off with my friend?

115 replies

bigredtractor · 17/08/2014 21:23

My friend has just cancelled her visit with 2 days notice after we agreed it back in June and I'm furious. I live 400 miles away now but we were (still are, I thought) close friends from when we lived in the same town. She is my 4yo's godmother.

My sister is also visiting next week - which I let her know out of courtesy. They've met many times. We've got 2 spare rooms just now so plenty of space for everyone. She (my friend) texted me back within the hour saying that she'll come later in the year when she doesn't have to share us with anyone ( her words). I've tried to persuade her but she won't change her mind. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

AIBU to be pissed off at her cancelling at this notice? And doubly pissed off at the -excuse- reason? Not wanting to 'share' time with me and the kids seems weird to me. PLUS the assumption that we can just 'do it another time' when we're not exactly round the corner.

I'm going to have a v disappointed 4yo. Grrrr

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 17/08/2014 21:50

Im with your friend too.

rollonthesummer · 17/08/2014 21:51

Yabvu. If be ringing my friend to apologise if I were you.

nevereverpost · 17/08/2014 21:52

Agree with just about everyone else: it's your friend who has grounds to be pissed off...doesn't sound like she is though, she's just being honest. I would get back to her and re-arrange asap, so that it doesn't have time to fester.

I very much doubt that there is any animosity between her and your sister...she just wants one on one time. Nowt wrong with that is there?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 17/08/2014 21:55

If I was your friend I would feel pushed out to be honest.
She may well be going through a tough time and want to have a proper catch up, and maybe she doesn't want to discuss it all with your sister.
They may well get on very well, but at the end of the day she is your friend not your sisters friend.
She was planning a very long journey just to see you and now you tell her that her time with you is going to be split with your sister.
Also maybe she wants some real quality time with her God Daughter that she may not get with your sister there. Your DD probably see's more of your sister, and maybe your friend thinks she will want to play more with the person she is most familiar with?
The point is you moved the goal posts without asking her first, and it has changed the whole dynamic for her.
I think in future when you make plans with this friend don't add another person at the last minute.

PinkSquash · 17/08/2014 21:55

If I was your friend I would feel really upset that you would prefer to book your sister in to stay instead of just spending time with me.

It is rude not to ask your guests first, especially as she's travelling. Your friend wants to see you not your sister.

PinkSquash · 17/08/2014 21:55

If I was your friend I would feel really upset that you would prefer to book your sister in to stay instead of just spending time with me.

It is rude not to ask your guests first, especially as she's travelling. Your friend wants to see you not your sister.

whois · 17/08/2014 21:55

I would be really disappointed that you had double booked me, feel that you didn't really want me there and would cancel

That's how I would feel too.

Original poster

bigredtractor · 17/08/2014 22:02

My posts keep disappearing! I've apologised to my friend an will pay for her flight changes if she def won't come. I honestly didn't mean to offend her, its just the way dates worked out by chance.

Am still slightly peeved by her reaction but never mind.

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 17/08/2014 22:03

I'm another who thinks YABU and unfair to friend. If all along you had said lets try and get DSis to come that weekend too and we can all have a good natter, and friend said yeah that would be fab, then that's obviously fine.
But that's not the scenario - YOU changed the plans at the last minute, not your friend.

Gruntfuttock · 17/08/2014 22:04

Thinking about it more, in your friend's place, I would feel that you'd invited your sister at the last minute because I was coming, not in spite of the fact that I was coming. I'd take it personally and be very upset. I agree with others that you owe your friend an apology.

Fairenuff · 17/08/2014 22:04

Can't you re-arrange your sister instead of changing flights?

phantomnamechanger · 17/08/2014 22:05

did you invite your sister or did she suggest when to come? did she know your friend was going to be there, and not care? I'm sure my sister would not want to intrude if we already had friends booked to visit, she'd rather miss a visit if there was really no alternative date.

nevereverpost · 17/08/2014 22:06

I get that your intentions were all good (or at least not bad ) Tractor
but I really really really don't get this:

Am still slightly peeved by her reaction but never mind

I still feel the right to peevedom rests with your friend and not you, but absolutely fairplay to you for offering to pay fro flight changes.

PinkSquash · 17/08/2014 22:06

You are BU OP. Cancel your sister

BringMeSunshine2014 · 17/08/2014 22:08

Why are you peeved by her reaction. She's coming 400 miles to see you and her goddaughter, not your sister. You are the one shifting the goal posts, not her. Why don't you tell your sister it's not going to be a good time for her to visit and prioritise your friend as she is the one who has had this booked for months and is coming a long way to see you??

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 17/08/2014 22:08

You're still slightly peeved after every single person has said they'd do the same thing and that yabu?! Have you actually read the replies? You were out of order and have no right to feel peeved.

PlushSuppie · 17/08/2014 22:09

Why can't your sister change her plans?

PixieofCatan · 17/08/2014 22:09

YADNBU. A friend was supposed to visit on Friday. She cancelled because her partner cannot get time off of work I booked this weekend off months ago, she's known about it since at least April, decided her partner has to come too (it was supposed to be us having girlie time as DPs mate is down too), she then said that they'd get a hotel together, and now her DP is not coming she's not. She has form but I'm so annoyed. I was really looking forward to her visiting. I posted on FB at the weekend asking if any of my local mates were free as I had the rare day off of work and she commented "come visit me!".

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/08/2014 22:09

YABU.

She was planning on making a big effort making the journey to you. For you to casually tell her you've booked your sister in too changes things.

ChoccaDoobie · 17/08/2014 22:09

She obviously wants to spend time with you and your Dd on her own and was looking forward to that. It's a very long way to come to find that your long awaited get together has basically been gate crashed by your friends sister who could visit at another time.

pictish · 17/08/2014 22:14

You've no business being peeved!
You've turned something she wanted to do that will cost her time, money and effort, into something different that she's not fussed about doing, that will still cost her time, money and effort... without consulting her!

It's ok for her to decline.

nevereverpost · 17/08/2014 22:14

But Pixie your situation is entirely different from Tractor's. In your case it was your friend who shifted the goal posts not you. YANBU at all, but OP is (imho...and it seems everybody else's ho too!)

Nanny0gg · 17/08/2014 22:16

Why don't you just put off your sister?

MarthasHarbour · 17/08/2014 22:17

Crikey it does sound like you are accommodating your sister over your friend. Odd when you say you see your sister all the time but your friend is making a real effort.

My sister cab be a PITA but would never impose on a catch up with an old friend

I would be getting sis to rearrange not friend.

Chennai · 17/08/2014 22:17

I also wouldn't be happy about this if I was your friend and would probably cancel.

She made it pretty clear why she was cancelling/postponing and it seems reasonable that after travelling all that way she would want to spend time exclusively with you and your DC without someone else in the mix.

Having someone else staying - however lovely - definitely changes the dynamic. Is there no way you could change the arrangements with your sister?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread