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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off with my friend?

115 replies

bigredtractor · 17/08/2014 21:23

My friend has just cancelled her visit with 2 days notice after we agreed it back in June and I'm furious. I live 400 miles away now but we were (still are, I thought) close friends from when we lived in the same town. She is my 4yo's godmother.

My sister is also visiting next week - which I let her know out of courtesy. They've met many times. We've got 2 spare rooms just now so plenty of space for everyone. She (my friend) texted me back within the hour saying that she'll come later in the year when she doesn't have to share us with anyone ( her words). I've tried to persuade her but she won't change her mind. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

AIBU to be pissed off at her cancelling at this notice? And doubly pissed off at the -excuse- reason? Not wanting to 'share' time with me and the kids seems weird to me. PLUS the assumption that we can just 'do it another time' when we're not exactly round the corner.

I'm going to have a v disappointed 4yo. Grrrr

OP posts:

BringMeSunshine2014 · 17/08/2014 21:36

It's not a big deal for you.

There doesn't have to be 'a problem' for it to change the dynamic.

She was coming to see you and your DC, not to make small talk with your sister.

fabulousfour · 17/08/2014 21:37

So you gave friend two days notice your sister staying too.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 17/08/2014 21:37

YABU, technically you changed the plans which she hadn't agreed to, it sounds like she would be coming if you hadn't.

Hoppinggreen · 17/08/2014 21:37

Well if your sister visits a lot she can come another time then.
Just enjoy the time with your friend

Nanny0gg · 17/08/2014 21:38

So if it's not a big deal, why couldn't you put your sister off?

Unless I knew when I agreed to come, I'd be a bit fed up too.

It might seem weird to you, but you're not thinking about your friend.

Simplesusan · 17/08/2014 21:38

Even though she may like your sister, your friend might feel more comfortable visiting you alone.

NumberOneFan · 17/08/2014 21:38

I would cancel too if I was your friend.
If it was a night out and you said sister/friend B was also coming, then great, the more the merrier but not a visit like this.
I would feel a bit put out that you felt the need to invite someone else to stay at the same time tbh!

LadyLuck10 · 17/08/2014 21:39

I would probably done the same as your friend. It's funny that you're the one that's upset!
Your friend was travelling 400 miles, you could have been more considerate.

eddielizzard · 17/08/2014 21:39

i'm glad your friend stood up for herself tbh. the dynamic changes when someone else is there, especially someone close like a family member. i'd definitely feel the outsider if a sister was asked along at the last minute. not a problem for you, but try and see it from her point of view. how would you feel if she invited her sister just when you were visiting?

given that you had organised it so long ago i don't think you should have asked your sister. or at least tried to move the days so they only overlapped for a day or so.

georgieporgie1 · 17/08/2014 21:40

YABU
I would be really disappointed that you had double booked me, feel that you didn't really want me there and would cancel. Just because you are very comfortable with your sister and it's not a big deal, it doesn't mean your friend feels the same way about it.

pictish · 17/08/2014 21:41

Think that's pretty unanimous tractor - yabu.

Littleturkish · 17/08/2014 21:41

Can your sister switch her tickets?

Sounds like your friend wants to see you on your own, for whatever reason.

icanmakeyouicecream · 17/08/2014 21:41

I'd cancel too. You've fucked up.

Original poster

bigredtractor · 17/08/2014 21:42

Aargh i cant reply quickly enough!

Hmmm maybe you're right but (not meaning to drip feed) they're not strangers by any means and weve shared tonnes of occasions all together - parties, visits, Xmas, BBQs, sad times too. We're not a 'formal invite' family and we've not really had that type of friendship either. Its just distance now that makes us need to make plans.

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 17/08/2014 21:43

I think if I were travelling 400 miles to see a friend and then before the visit they announced their sister would be there too, I'd feel like my visit wasn't considered important enough to devote the time to the visit - like it was considered quite casually.

Honestly I think you owe your friend an apology.

pictish · 17/08/2014 21:43

Even so...

Gruntfuttock · 17/08/2014 21:44

I'm with the friend too.

ChasedByBees · 17/08/2014 21:46

X posts. The fact that she has declined long arranged plans which require a huge amount of effort from her suggests she doesn't agree.

Purplepoodle · 17/08/2014 21:46

Even if I were a really good friend with your sister I would still want you and your son to myself iykwim. It's harder to catch up ect with someone else around, do stuff on the spur of the moment. I would postpone my trip too.

OneSkinnyChip · 17/08/2014 21:46

Sorry OP, if I was travelling 400 miles to see my friend only to find out they had invited someone else along I would be pissed off too. Especially if it was a last minute thing. Maybe she was looking forward to a really good catch up and some special time with her goddaughter?

You said you never dreamt it would be an issue but that was your assumption and unfortunately you were wrong - it was an issue for your friend. She has been honest with you so I think you need to take it on the chin this time and arrange a visit sooner rather than later.

Deliaskis · 17/08/2014 21:47

Still with the friend sorry...

clam · 17/08/2014 21:47

Agree with the others. I'd re-arrange too, if I were her. I think your friend is the one who has the grounds to be pissed off, not you.

pictish · 17/08/2014 21:48

You may well have all shared occasions together with your sister before, but your friend didn't have to go 400 miles out of her way to do so, did she?
I think that your friend probably assumed that given she was prepared to travel 400 miles to see you, you'd set the time aside for her alone.
That's what makes the difference.

whois · 17/08/2014 21:48

I don't think your friend is being totally U canceling. It changes the dynamic of the visit having your sister there.

georgieporgie1 · 17/08/2014 21:50

Also what maybe used not to be an issue when they lived closer to you and saw you loads anyway might become an issue when they see you rarely and want to make the most of the visit.

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