to think that a pessimistic attitude can affect fertility and IVF outcomes [title edited by mnhq]

[crashbandicoot]

ok this is a provocative title but so many books advocate a mind/body approach, particularly with unexplained IF that I am wondering if my negative thinking "nothing is going to work" is the reason behind my IF? this really concerns me because I thought naively that sex=conception but now it seems my personality/outlook is all wrong!!

based on this I am thinking that I need to have a completely different personality (ie become an optimist rather than a pessimist) if I am ever have a dc - which seems too difficult for me to do.

so in order to understand this better can any pessimists/optimists share their experience and if they felt it hindered or helped them in relation to fertility/IF as the whole issue is so loaded with myths etc...

It's not due to reduced stress that some sub fertile couples fall pregnant when they stop trying, I think they stop having sex purely to ttc so the likelihood they catch an egg changes due to the changed pattern.

It wasn't an optimistic attitude that helped us conceive. We were about to be referred for ICSI due to my husband's very low sperm count (plus rubbish motility etc) and it was very unlikely we'd conceive naturally, we were told. My husband had an embolisation for a varicocele which he was told wouldn't raise his sperm count very much but was worth doing just because it might improve the chances of ICSI working. Three months after the procedure I was pregnant.

At the time I was in the depths of depression, quite literally I was going to bed at night hoping not to wake up the next morning. I was so depressed I was convinced I'd scupper our chances of IVF success. In the end I'd say it was a combination of the procedure being successful and old fashioned good luck. But definitely not thinking positive or any of that shite that people kept telling me to do as if it made a blind bit of difference.

I am a pessimist very negative about most things, really anxious and never thought I would have a baby. I conceived with first cycle of IVF. so state of mind must be bullshit. Hope this helps x

Fuckuppery You were deleted because you were vile and are continuing to defend yourself. OP has repeatedly explained that it was badly worded and asked to change the title because she realised it was wrong.

About to start round three of IVF here.
Anyone who tells me 'relax and it will happen' is likely to get punched.

"yeah... thanks for getting me deleted when i suggested that the OPs attitude might have more to do with her not having kids than her positive frame of mind."

Wow fuckpup so you actually think that the op is not CEO. Editing because of her attitude? What attitude exactly?

I'm glad your post got deleted and I don't read the original version as your reworded repost is the most horrible thing I have ever read in terms of personal attacks on mn. I've been on here for more than five years under various names. Utterly appalling fuckpup

*CEO. Editing

Conceiving rather....

Pipbin But relaxing when you're going through shit is good advice in general Saying it will happen when you relax is clearly bull but managing emotions when you're going through hell is good advice, if not misguided and there is a time and a place.

I wish you all the best.

Oh, op, I never read your original thread title so no idea how insensitive it was but I think your op is good and relevant. When I was having problems to conceive (I got terribly depressed due to failure to conceive) I beat myself up for not having a 'better' personality, one that is allegedly more conducive to becoming pregnant. Hearing from other women that a positive mindset did not necessarily improve fertility would have definitely helped me.

In our case (mid thirties, slightly dodgy sperm mortality with no identified medical issues) I conceived after three years and I think it was because we stopped charting and had sex frequently rather than just around what we thought was ovulation time. I appreciate this is not a solution that would work for others but it helped us.

Hope you get a bfp soon.

Not really sure I understand the venom directed at the op here and I speak as someone with 2 failed ivfs shit sperm and shit eggs and the chances of us having a baby now (in our early 40s) are apparently next to none. We have no dc already.

I also totally despise anyone telling me 'relax' but it happens and even tho inside I'm 'argh' I still manage to just say nothing or just move the conversation on.

I didn't see the original title but can see the op also has issues and is just after thoughts. So don't get the nastiness from some.

The whole business of fertility is so complex and relies on so many factors that simply saying stress could be a cause of a failure to conceive just can't make logical sense. Even people with no fertility issues actually need an element of luck to succeed.
FWIW, I have had IVF three times. The first time it failed, the second time I was very very lucky and it worked. Throughout both attempts my Mother was terminally ill. I was more stressed than I'd ever been before.

100% total bullshit.

You can't think yourself fertile.

Nah it's rubbish OP.

Stress or a positive attitude might have a teeny tiny effect I guess but it's not going to be enough to swing it one way or the other.

I think there are many causes of fertility issues that we have not discovered or fully understood yet - I don't think mental attitude is one of them though.

Utter bolleaux.

Infertility is caused by a physical problem, not a mental one.

Makes no bloody odds in my experience, and hard to see how it would. I was resolutely planning for a failed IVF cycle when I conceived my twins, and the nurse at the fertility clinic said it was very common for people to "protect themselves" by being pessimistic and that it had no effect that she could see.

A positive mental attitude might help you get through fertility treatment (although it might also mean a bigger crash afterwards if it doesn't work) but equally my negative attitude helped me get through it and not take it all seriously. Sometimes a bit of black humour is exactly what's called for.

Rediculous. I was stressed as hell but conceived first month and I know some very calm laid back people who have had trouble conceiving.

Of course the opposite of 'relax and it will happen' is that you can't conceive as a result of rape because the 'body shuts down'.

We all agree that the rape comment is bollocks, so why not the relax comment?

Very interesting. My first cycle I embraced this philosophy. Visualization, imagining implantation, wrapping myself in an orange blanket (read it in one of the many books) Nothing !! Second cycle; depths of despair, no hope at all, worked like a charm.DD now 7.Of course my personal experience doesn't= data.

I don't think stress can affect fertility, as that's a purely physical biological thing.

But stress hormones, and being stressed with your new baby can affect how your baby's brain develops if you're not careful. So taking care of yourself does benefit the baby, but it won't affect conception.

I have read some, but not all of these replies. And I think positive thinking has nothing to do with it. By our eighth round of ivf there was no part of me that believed it would ever happen, it was our least positive cycle in terms of eggs collected, fertilisation rates and quality of embryos. But our 2.5 yr old was the result. I was not positive during the cycle. I was scarce breathless, almost immobilised by fear during the pregnancy, terrified in a traumatic labour and didn't believe I would cuddle her until she was handed to me. So no. I don't think positivity has anything to do with it.

The ironic thing about the 'stay positive' comments is that infertility and its treatment is so stressful - I had a friend make such comments while we were doing IVF and it was so annoying that our friendship hasn't really recovered. The other thing is that you can be as positive as you like, but if you are a realist, you know the odds are stacked against you and when you know you may need ultimately to accept failure and move on, it's a bit much when everyone around you is giving you the 'positive' bollocks. We did eventually have a DC but what I learnt was it is better to say 'that sounds really stressful, I'm sorry,' rather than to spout stuff about staying positive, when friends are having difficulties.

ikea - that's different though. You were badly timing it when ttc then, but that's different to being positive or negative during it. It just so happens that when you relaxed a bit you got the timing right. Won't work for everyone, because some people will time it 'right' from the off, but for whatever reason they haven't pinned down yet (poor ovulation, rubbish sperm, etc) it just doesn't happen. Anyway don't mean to be going on at you so will stop - but I don't believe you conceived because you relaxed, I believe you conceived because you got the timing right.

"Of course the opposite of 'relax and it will happen' is that you can't conceive as a result of rape because the 'body shuts down'."

Not a great analogy really!

What a twatty thread! I want to say more but cant find a way to do it without being deleted. Great way to make people suffering infertility feel shit OP.