To not want to give dd2 the big bedroom.

[Maisyblue]

Dd1 goes to uni in September and obviously will only need her bedroom in the holidays. 10 year old dd2 therefore asks if she can have her bedroom because it's much larger. Aibu to say it's still dd1s room and it's not fair to move all her stuff into much smaller dd2s room?

Regarding being pushed out - could DD1 have chosen to go to a university nearby and commute? If so, she has actually chosen to leave (most likely at some cost to her parents). I don't think it's particularly harsh then to redistribute the rooms.
In any case, even if DD1 does end up back at home, isn't it DD2's turn (presumably after years of having the little one) to have the big room?

cricketballs you have two very sensible and pragmatic boys

Thank you journey

I would recommend it; it's certainly been an eye opener for DS1 in having to be creative in storage and how quickly it can become very messy!

Im with the Cricketballs approach to life.

Surely DD1 should be thinking about her future, Uni all exciting, new life and friends etc. maybe start to get her thinking about those things and encourage her to think in an adult way and do the right thing for her younger DD

Being practical, maybe get the girls to cooperate and make the change towards the end of the summer hols. Also get a few nice extra storage items for DD1s new room and maybe even a lick of new emulsion for a different look?

Agree dd2 should get it.

When dd1 comes back in holidays she can leave some of her stuff behind in halls. Even in the summer if it all has to come back then some stuff can be put in the loft or she needs to downsize/declutter and get rid of some stuff.

Can you afford a trip to ikea to look at small room storage ideas? Maybe if you could get some new stuff for the room it could ease the blow? And then she'd be able to fit more of her stuff in as well.

Definitely give the bigger bedroom to dd2. That is what we will be doing next year when dd1 goes to university and ds will get her bedroom and she will have his. Her room is about 50% larger than his and there is no way it is going to be left empty half the year whilst ds squashes into a smaller room.

However, she has always known this would happen as it is what happened when I was growing up. I am the eldest of 5 and as soon as I went to university the next oldest got my room and when he went the next eldest got it and so on. It didn't bother me at all as it seemed only fair.

That is not to say that dd is over the moon about it but she gets why it will happen. She has it all worked out that as there are 4 school years between them, she can do her degree then come home and then she only has a year until ds will go to university and then she can get her bedroom back. I don't think she will ever leave us!

I could never leave anything at uni in the holidays at the uni rented the rooms out. I think a lot do that now. Even in the Easter hols

I think the problem is that this issue has only just arisen?
I'd talked about it for years to prepare DD1 for the fact that her sister gets the bigger room once she leaves for uni.

To me it seems harsh that DD1 wants to keep her big room while her sister can't even squeeze overnight guests in.
I'd appeal to her to see sense, but ultimately I would probably swap even if DD1 doesn't see sense, because it's so massively unfair to DD2 otherwise.

Think your in a tough position op but like the others who have said, I would also give the room to dd2. It just doesn't seem fair that dd1 gets the room and she's not even there half the time

I do think you need to approach it carefully. Of course it makes sense to do it, but that has been your DDs bedroom for a long time.
I felt very pushed out when I left for uni. My dad had a snooker table delivered the day I moved out and it went in my bedroom. I felt pushed out and ended up staying with a boyfriend and then moving in with him when I was only 18. I was given A spare bedroom but it wasn't mine iykwim. I know it's daft but if my parents had spoken to me, helped me make the spare room into my room, I would have been fine.

Maybe offer to redecorate the other room and make it "hers" before she goes to uni?

my youngest already has the biggest room it was more practical and when i had a third he got the main bedroom again more practical squeezing a cot a bed and a load of toys into the box room would never have worked!

Of course dd2 should get the bigger room, it wouldn't occur to me to keep a big room empty for occasional use, dd1 is an adult now she's going to uni and needs to see the logic in them swapping

What a brilliant way to reinforce that DD1 is more important than DD2. Your younger daughter is 10, so will be wanting sleepovers etc now, whereas your older daughter will be home in holidays - and maybe not all of those (eg she might stay at uni for reading week).

DD1 got the big room by virtue of having been born first. That is pure luck, and nothing to do with need )unless you're going to drip feed something). That quirk of fate means that she is leaving home years before DD2, therefore she has to take the rough with the smooth and lose the room.

You could say that you will swap rooms at Xmas, say, so it's not quite that you wave her off and turf her out, and to allow them both to have a really good sort out / think about decoration etc. But please don't let Dd2 fester on the small room

I had the box room and I didn't get my db's much bigger double bedroom when he went to uni, but I don't remember being particularly fussed about wanting it. He came home for all of the holidays so still needed it. When it got to my final year of uni, I moved home to commute and he was in a full time job living in a shared house by that point so then we swapped, and he didn't mind at all. Two years on and I moved out too and my mum kept it as 'my' room for a while but I told her to get on and redecorate it as I was never coming back and really didn't need it to be kept for me anymore!

Since dd1 went to uni 2 years ago she has only ever brought home what she needs for the holiday. She could use her room during Christmas and easter and did so she could study then at the start of summer her belongings went straight to the house she rented for the second year.

Dd1 happily gave up her room for her youngest sibling but I did leave it till after the Christmas holiday so we both already knew how things were working.

Of course DD2 should now have the larger room. It's only fair, she's probably had the small room her while life and your DD1 is essentially leaving home except for holidays. Tell your DD1 it's time to grow up and be kind to her younger sister.

My DB moved into mine the day I left for university!

I really don't think it's fair to keep the younger sibling in a small bedroom while the older one is away gala banging at uni.

Or if the older one is having trouble adjusting then is say they can keep it for a year. Once in 2nd year and in a house share not halls betcha they won't be coming back all holidays anyway.

I moved from the box room to a glorious double overlooking the garden when my sister left for uni.

No one behind me so I got to keep my bedroom but it has gradually morphed into the spare bedroom! All my remaining stuff is in the loft, new decoration, bed etc.

So oldest daughter has had a bigger bedroom for 18yrs?

So if younger daughter has it until she's 28 she'll have caught up??

Of course youngest should have it1

DD1 doesn't need to "give the go ahead". It's not her house. She's not the parent

I quite agree, in fact you sound almost scared of DD1 Op. It's your house, not her's!

Hers even!

I'd say wait until after christmas. Going to uni and living away from home can be a big step, and whilst I agree that dd2 shouldn't be in a smaller room when the larger one is empty, I think DD1 might feel a bit happier when she's settled in at uni if she still has 'her' room at home.

Dd1 needs to get a grip

I'd make them switch, can't see why you wouldn't!