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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents should make room for adults by getting their kids to sit on their laps.

702 replies

Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 12:14

I have always done this, in waiting rooms, on buses, anywhere really. Even till they were too big really to be sitting on laps. Even now I will get them to sit on the floor at friends houses so that adults get the chairs. It's polite and the way I was brought up.

I often see children taking up a space, when it would be easy just to pop them on your knee for a short period of time. I know for a fact that some of these parents have no physical reason not to do this. They just think that their child has as much right as an adult to have that seat. True but it's not good manners is it?

AIBU?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 15/08/2014 13:38

Why is it such an issue to teach your kids to suck it up just to do something nice?

Yes, there are other ways as well.

I must say there are times when I have been very very grateful that someone offered me their seat.

Missunreasonable · 15/08/2014 13:39

I would always get my child to move for somebody who is elderly, disabled or infirm. I would not expect my child to move for anybody else.
If I was on a bus I would be more likely to offer somebody who is elderly or disabled my seat instead of my child's as my child is safer sitting down. If my child was very small I would probably sit them on my knee by actually that is less safe in moving vehicle due to the crushing risk if you suddenly jerk forwards with a child on your lap.
I actually remember being that child who was expected to give up my seat when I was with my grandmother in a bus. I was probably about 10 years old at the time and a lady said that I should move as she wanted to sit down and my grandmother gripped my arm and ensured I didn't move whist telling the lady that " I have paid for my granddaughters ticket the same as you have paid for yours and there is no good reason for her to stand up for you. You have no more rights to the seat than my granddaughter has". So it clearly isn't a generational issue.

sillystring · 15/08/2014 13:40

hooby. Yes "subjected". The one and only time I ever took my DS onto my knee on a packed bus, the driver braked suddenly to prevent mowing down a cyclist and my DS's face smashed into the metal bar of the seat in front, knocking out two baby teeth. So, y'know, stick that in your judgemental pipe and smoke it honeybun.

WooWooOwl · 15/08/2014 13:41

Because they are children and need to be taught manners. I can't believe that you don't get that.

You don't teach children manners by treating them as less less important. How is it being polite to my child to say to him 'I'm sitting down but I expect you to stand up because that perfectly fit and healthy adult over there has more right to be comfortable on this train than you do'.

I'd rather teach manners by example and natural consequence. And my dc are old enough now that I know they are very polite and that good manners have been instilled into them perfectly well despite me not making them stand up for fit and healthy strangers.

hoobypickypicky · 15/08/2014 13:41

"I know plenty of adults with worse manners than my children, perhaps they should be made to stand to teach them some manners."

I bet that's partially because they were the kids who were told that they're entitled to a seat on the bus regardless that adults were standing, 5madthings! Grin Grin

Original poster
Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 13:43

It's a simple case of teaching children respect for adults, isn't it? Manners and all that?

Thats a very good point about the respect. There has been a marked decrease in the respect for adults. Good in some ways but to the detriment of society in a lot of other ways.
If kids grow up thinking that they are equal in every way thats being generous because a lot are growing up thinking they are more important then thats why society has a lot of the problems it does.

Kids are kids. They need to get used to being told what to do and not have everything just as they want it. How are they going to cope in the working world when their employer asks them to do things that are slighly "uncomfortable" for them? Manners and putting themselves out for others is just a small part of the above.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 15/08/2014 13:43

Yes I have seen a kid go flying on several occasions too. It's not nice. Wouldn't have happened if the kid had been on it's own seat as this was one with seat belts.

Princesselsaanna · 15/08/2014 13:44

I agree with you 100%. My children are able bodied and healthy. I will not allow them to sit whilst an adult stands, the older ones have to stand and the little one sits on my lap. It's just good manners. I also always refuse if someone standing offers them a seat.

Sirzy · 15/08/2014 13:44

I have seen a few people commented "but I have paid for a ticket" in most cases that is a ticket to travel not a ticket to have a seat.

JenniferJo · 15/08/2014 13:45

If people pay full adult price for a child's fare then they are entitled to be as bad mannered as they like, I suppose. If they are paying reduced fare then they should abide by the travel companies' rules and children should give up their seats.

I'm beginning to understand where some of the horrors I've taught over the years get their ideas from.

Missunreasonable · 15/08/2014 13:46

I brought my children up to believe that the comfort of strangers is more important than theirs, if they are young and fit and only paying half the price for their tickets.

60 year olds get free travel on buses so going by your logic they shouldn't have a seat when the bus is full because they haven't paid anything for the seat (very many 60 year olds are fit and healthy and capable of standing).

JenniferJo · 15/08/2014 13:47

60 year olds get free travel on buses so going by your logic they shouldn't have a seat when the bus is full because they haven't paid anything for the seat (very many 60 year olds are fit and healthy and capable of standing).

Don't be ridiculous, you are making yourself look very stupid.

sillystring · 15/08/2014 13:47

JenniferJo. You sound just like some of the awful teachers I had 40 years ago.

hoobypickypicky · 15/08/2014 13:48

Charming, sillystring. Hmm

Ha ha ha, yeah, ok, *subjected". If you say so.

My DC also smashed her face on the metal bar in front of her seat. She was not sitting on my knee - the bus wasn't busy, she was sitting on the seat in a perfectly normal and sensible way. The bus braked hard when rising bollards came up unexpectedly.

I don't see any reason for you to allow a child to sit at the expense of an adult just because your child has suffered an injury which could and has happened to seated as well as on the knee children.

Squtternutbaush · 15/08/2014 13:48

I manage just fine with respect and authority despite being allowed to sit in the presence if adults Confused

I don't understand how teaching children manners can equate to treating them as a lesser person. Yes they need to learn manners, respect, importance of authority but there are millions of aspects that affect this!

At which stage do you do deem your child worthy of a seat when you yourself wouldnt get up to offer a seat?

I thought these rules went back to the "children should be seen and not heard" era?!

Thurlow · 15/08/2014 13:50

Why is it such an issue to teach your kids to suck it up just to do something nice?

Here here.

WooWooOwl · 15/08/2014 13:50

Bouttime, I wonder if this thing of forcing children to have respect for adults simply because they are adults has it's detrimental effects on society in other ways.

For decades children have been desperate to grow into adults before they are ready. Look at the numbers who have underage sex, take part in underage drinking and smoking, who dress far older than their years, who want to watch films or play games that are rated above their age.

Maybe if we didn't hammer into our children that they aren't as important as adults by 'teaching them manners and respect' they'd be more able to enjoy their tween/teen years for what they are without racing ahead to be seen adults.

Just a thought.

5madthings · 15/08/2014 13:50

The way the buses are driven round here the younger madthings need a seat, the elder ones can and do stand but I won't make ds4(6) stand. Seen far too many incidents of people going flying on buses when they break sharply or go round corners/roundabouts etc.

As an aside we were on the metro a few weeks ago in Manchester having travelled from Norwich so five hours on the train and tube etc. I had dd in pushchair and a trolley case and other bags. All the madthings had bags. I was stood by dd, the big ones were stood but I sat ds4 down across from me and he was holding his bag. A lady got on, not elderly and whilst I was busy dealing with dd she literally lifted him off the seat so she could sit down! She didn't ask just moved him and didn't make sure he was stood/balanced properly with his bag so he fell over! She was only on the bloody tram for two stops, less than five mins whereas we had a half hour journey to go. Other passengers commented on how rude she was and moved themselves to allow ds4 to sit down and offered to help with bags etc.

Droflove · 15/08/2014 13:51

I think unfortunately respect for your elders has died out so you won't get much support OP. But im with you!

JenniferJo · 15/08/2014 13:51

JenniferJo. You sound just like some of the awful teachers I had 40 years ago.

If they also disliked spoilt brats and their parents who made them unteachable, then I'm delighted to be in their company.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/08/2014 13:51

I'm more surprised that all of you think a small child should stand for any adult than letting them be safe on a seat.

There is no way on this planet if take a seat from a child. If that child was hurt if never forgive myself when I'm
Capable of standing.

Dd1 is 7 and is barely 4 ft tall and dd2 is three. Neither are big or strong enough to stand without going flying or whacked in the face with bags.

sillystring · 15/08/2014 13:52

JenniferJo Thank God teachers like you are on the way out, you're a disgrace to the profession. I hope you've retired now, you certainly sound pretty desiccated.

Missunreasonable · 15/08/2014 13:53

Don't be ridiculous, you are making yourself look very stupid.

Is this supposed to be evidence of your good manners that you are passing onto your children?
Please explain to me why a fit and healthy child who only pays half price for a ticket is less entitled to a seat than a fit and healthy 60 year old who has paid nothing for his seat.

Mumof3xox · 15/08/2014 13:53

Yabu

I am not making my child stand or sit on the grubby floor on public transport

I would rather my child have a seat than have one myself

Squtternutbaush · 15/08/2014 13:54

5madthings that is awful!! Sometimes I think adults can be much more rude than children, I've encountered quite a few people pretty much shoving DS to the side because he's small and some who don't appear to understand how a queue works but if you dare comment you are a product of today's vile society Confused