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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents should make room for adults by getting their kids to sit on their laps.

702 replies

Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 12:14

I have always done this, in waiting rooms, on buses, anywhere really. Even till they were too big really to be sitting on laps. Even now I will get them to sit on the floor at friends houses so that adults get the chairs. It's polite and the way I was brought up.

I often see children taking up a space, when it would be easy just to pop them on your knee for a short period of time. I know for a fact that some of these parents have no physical reason not to do this. They just think that their child has as much right as an adult to have that seat. True but it's not good manners is it?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Southpaws · 15/08/2014 12:27

This attitude drives me crazy. I would only make dd sit on my knee if the adult who was standing had more need than her, so if they were pregnant, elderly or disabled. Why are children automatically less entitled to comfort than an adult?

If I was with DH I could conceivably sit on his knee to make room for someone standing, but I would hope no one would expect this of me, so why should I expect that from dd.

InculKate · 15/08/2014 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 15/08/2014 12:28

I have read the op, I still don't agree with your point at all.

Generally older people will struggle more to stand, or sit on the floor than younger people. I am 30 and would move for someone older than me as I can sit on the floor with relative ease. DS is much younger and for him it's even easier.

Like I said it's vital we teach young people to think of others otherwise we end up with a generation of adults like we has now who can't think beyond their own needs.

Gilbertblythesmissus · 15/08/2014 12:28

Are you trying to de-rail this tread saucy? OP was referring to being well mannered and respectful, not starting a thread on segregation.

Thurlow · 15/08/2014 12:28

YANBU.

I hate the way people can turn this into a political argument rather than just thinking - hmm, what's the nicest and most practical thing to do in this situation?

I put my child on my lap on buses, trains, in waiting rooms etc. But then again, if I'm sitting on the train and a mum and small child get on and there's no seats, I'll give them mine.

Why can't people just, you know, be nice?

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/08/2014 12:31

Depends, on a bus it might be safer for a child to be seated properly. Then depends on the person, someone elderly/pregnant should sit down.

In the house I'd always let the adults sit down, not because they're more important but because a child will suffer no hardship from sitting on the floor. They spend most time playing on the floor anyway. An adult could find it very uncomfortable.

5madthings · 15/08/2014 12:32

It depends, my older boys 14, 12 and 9 would Giorgio a seat for someone who needs it, my 6 yr old needs to be sitting on a bus and if I have my three year old on my lap I can't have him on my lap as well.

On the train I always book in advance and pay for seats for all the madthings so they have a seat, esp on a long journey I am not having my three year old sit in my lap the whole time. The madthings have all been big for their age and I am small so they get too bug quite quickly, they rake after their dad for height, not me!

But yes waiting room etc little one on my lap and elder ones will stand unless they are ill. Someone got really spotty with me for not making ds3 then 8 stand in a packed hospital waiting room, he looked and was well apart from eye patch. What they didn't k ow was he was on strict nbedrest due to his eye injury. He shouldn't really have been sitting up, he was meant to be lying down! As it was there wasn't space but he had to sit down.

DialsMavis · 15/08/2014 12:33

YANBU!
On the tube or bus DD goes on my lap and DS stands if it gets busy, if DS needed a seat for some reason then he would sit with DD on his lap and I would stand. When he was too big for my lap but too little to stand (before DD was born) I would stand and give him 'my' seat

freyaW2014 · 15/08/2014 12:33

Yanbu and same for the front seat of the car. it's just manners, children are more agile than adults generally. That's why children sit on the floor in assembly and teachers on chairs!

ArcheryAnnie · 15/08/2014 12:34

YANBU.

My especial irritation is reserved for those parents who have children with a seat each (when they could easily share) and when the children themselves are doing everything but sitting on the seat - standing on it, or climbing on mum or dad in a half-assed way which does not use their original seat but does not leave it clear for anyone else to use.

I have given up my seat for parents who are standing and who have small children who are falling asleep on their feet, but on the whole, if there's a lap-aged-child, the adults should have them on their laps, and if the kids are over 8 and able-bodied, and there's an adult over 30 standing (ages are pretty arbitrary), then they should give up their seat and stand. Their joints are generally in a lot better condition than mine, and they haven't been at work all day.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2014 12:35

It's nothing about children being less important, it's about being polite and good mannered. If an elderly or disabled person came on the bus I would get ddto sit on my lap.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/08/2014 12:37

People do this at swimming lessons, reserve a seat for their 3 year old while I have to stand.

Best of it is the child is doing anything but sitting in the seat, usually climbing and wandering around.

Original poster
Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 12:37

ooh yes sunbeds being reserved for kids that are never actually sitting on them, as they are too busy playing in the pool! Another pet hate.

OP posts:
5madthings · 15/08/2014 12:37

When relatives visit or we visit them the kids always sit on the floor so there is space for relatives on sofa/armchairs etc.

parallax80 · 15/08/2014 12:37

I would put a small-medium child on my knee so an adult can sit. I put my PIL in our bed and us on the sofa bed when they stay. I have no specific reasoning as to why, but the same gut feeling of it being good manners hits me.

ArcheryAnnie · 15/08/2014 12:39

Agreed, Aeroflotgirl. I ask my 12 year old to stand up if there's anyone who looks older than about 30, just because it is difficult to tell ages, and because I don't appear either elderly or disabled, but my joints are knackered and I really appreciate a seat if anyone offers me one, and I imagine this might be true for other people my age, too.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/08/2014 12:40

Yabu. Dd1 is a bit big now to sit on my lap and too small to stand on a bus. And given the seats are in twos it makes no difference if I stand and kids have seat or if I sit with dd2 on my lap. It's two seats regardless.

I'll stand if need be because I'd rather have my kids safe on a seat and seen than on the floor by your shoes being tripped over.

micah · 15/08/2014 12:40

Thing is, it's no bother to me to get dd to sit on my knee. We both still sit, and someone else gets the benefit of a spare seat.

If the child is capable of standing, they should stand, as a fit and healthy adult would. If we're on an unsteady bus I'll often sit them both in one seat, and stand in front of them. Safer, and frees up two seats. I'm perfectly capable of standing on a bus, and will if it's busy. Then someone else can have the seat, and I'm not particularly bothered if they're more deserving or just need a sit down.

Basic manners really.

SaucyJack · 15/08/2014 12:41

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at ArcheryAnnie suggesting that us over 30s need a seat more than a small child due to our geriatric decrepitness.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/08/2014 12:42

I am confused by this idea that it's a new thing to let children sit down.

It's really not. Ok, I'm in my late 20s so my childhood isn't so long ago, but surely there are plenty of us this age?

Even when I was 9 or 10 I knew enough to let a small child sit rather than me.

MexicanSpringtime · 15/08/2014 12:44

Do we want to bring up good socially conscious human beings, or just people who are full of ideas about what they are entitled to?

I am over sixty and I will stand up for a pregant woman, a person with small children, the disabled and the elderly, as will my daughter. My daughter now gets a seat because she has a baby. What goes around, comes around. And the world feels like a sweeter place when people have consideration.

parallax80 · 15/08/2014 12:46

I think the trouble with that is that no-one can agree who most deserves the consideration!

FamiliesShareGerms · 15/08/2014 12:47

YANBU

ArcheryAnnie · 15/08/2014 12:49

SaucyJack - wow, abelist, much? I said nothing about "geriatric" decrepidness. What I did point out is that it is difficult to tell people's ages, and that people who look perfectly-able-bodied may not be so.

georgieporgie1 · 15/08/2014 12:50

YABU
I can't see any reason at all why a child is less entitled to a seat than an adult. Of course if someone has heavy shopping bags, or a walking stick (ie balance problem), etc, I would expect myself or my children to give up our seat. But if I can't see a good reason to give up my own seat, I wouldn't expect my children to do so simply because they are children.