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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents should make room for adults by getting their kids to sit on their laps.

702 replies

Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 12:14

I have always done this, in waiting rooms, on buses, anywhere really. Even till they were too big really to be sitting on laps. Even now I will get them to sit on the floor at friends houses so that adults get the chairs. It's polite and the way I was brought up.

I often see children taking up a space, when it would be easy just to pop them on your knee for a short period of time. I know for a fact that some of these parents have no physical reason not to do this. They just think that their child has as much right as an adult to have that seat. True but it's not good manners is it?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Catsize · 21/08/2014 16:21

You can stand on Lothian buses ime.

cherrybombxo · 21/08/2014 16:42

You absolutely can stand on Lothian buses, but only on the lower deck. Have you ever been on the number 26 at 5.30pm? It's like a sardine tin, and I've been standing for twenty minutes of my journey with the driver actually asking people to move up the bus to allow MORE people to get on and stand Hmm

My mum always made me give up my seat for adults on public transport and she moved me off the couch onto the floor when an adult needed a seat. I then damaged my foot and had a lot of issues with it and my ankle as a teenager so couldn't stand for long periods of time, and took a lot of abuse from adults on crowded buses because I didn't immediately jump up and let them sit down.

Rabbitcar · 21/08/2014 16:52

Of course small children should sit on your lap if the tube/bus is busy. I can't believe it when I see three year olds taking up seats when other people are standing.

I made mine sit on my lap till about seven or eight, or older on occasion. And DD1 was always tall. Surely this is common courtesy? It costs nothing to hold a small child on your lap for a shortish journey.

I am finding it hard to understand the viewpoints of those posters who consider otherwise.

FrenchJunebug · 22/08/2014 13:51

edam no I wouldn't. As I said if somebody is in real need of a seat I would stand and give them my seat but I would not put him on my knees.

edamsavestheday · 22/08/2014 14:38

why, French? A child can sit on your lap perfectly well. And they haven't paid for their seat - either not at all or not full fare.

ArgyMargy · 22/08/2014 14:54

Another thread about this so soon??

Marnierose · 22/08/2014 17:44

Well if they have got there first then I think it's fine for them to keep the seat. Unless it was a priority user then I would expect to make room.

I don't understand why people get onto very full public transport and expect a seat for getting there last minute when I will often miss a train and get the next one so I can sit down.

Vintagejazz · 22/08/2014 18:05

Making a child sit on your lap is not 'depriving' them of a seat. They still get to sit but so does an adult who would otherwise be without a seat.

WillWorkForMoney · 22/08/2014 19:05

I drive everywhere, so rarely get on buses/trains, so no need to teach my dc these things. However when in a doctors waiting room dd (10) was sitting down and an elderly person came in and dd automatically got up for him. It wasn't taught, its just the right thing to do.

I was always told to stand up when I was little and continued to do so until I passed my test. I think it makes a compationate person.

Bambamboom · 22/08/2014 19:07

The elderly, disabled or pregnant yes.
Adults? Probably not, I think unless I'd stand up for them myself I wouldn't move my child, unless we are talking about a small toddler.

80schild · 22/08/2014 19:12

If they haven't paid for a seat why would they be entitled to sit in one? It really shows how society has changed that parents assume their children should be entitled and probably why there are loads of entitled acting children around.

slithytove · 22/08/2014 20:16

They are as entitled to a seat as a pensioner with a free bus pass is.

Nothing to do with the fare. It's to do with vulnerability - meaning everyone should give up their seat regardless of age / payment for someone more vulnerable.

Outwith that, I don't see that a 20 year old is any more entitled than a 10 year old.

AyMamita · 22/08/2014 20:30

YANBU! It makes me furious to see children lolling about on seats while adults stand. If they are too big to sit on an adult's lap, they are big enough to stand up and hold the rail.

writtenguarantee · 22/08/2014 20:41

No, they don't. Really they just don't. Not unless they've paid full fair and not child's rates and even then they shouldn't be sitting down if an elderly or infirm adult is standing. Some MNetters seem to be in the process of rearing a generation of entitled brats with no manners.

yes they do. They really do. If not, I want every elderly person with a freedom card to get up for me.

I would tell my child to get up for someone who has trouble standing and not otherwise. She too is a person.

writtenguarantee · 22/08/2014 20:43

in fact, i am a healthy adult. I would probably get up for a child under 4 or any other child that can't hold on properly.

the question isn't how old they are, it's how safely and comfortably they can stand.

writtenguarantee · 22/08/2014 21:16

why, French? A child can sit on your lap perfectly well. And they haven't paid for their seat - either not at all or not full fare.

An elderly person hasn't paid full fare either.

I have a pretty big six year old and it gets hot on the tube, and she may not want to sit in my lap. Why should she have to? It's hardly a hardship for a normal adult to stand. I wouldn't in a million years expect a child to get up for me. I have legs. I'll use them.

OddFodd · 22/08/2014 23:23

Christ. This thread continues to completely depress me. Entitled is the word that's used most to justify being completely fucking selfish. There are never enough seats to go round. It's not going to kill your 6 year old to sit on your lap for a few stops and it will make someone else's journey a lot more pleasant.

We're breeding a horrible world of horrible children.

Catsize · 22/08/2014 23:31

Well said oddfodd. I went to get up from my seat on the bus whilst holding my 5mth old baby the other day, so a reasonably able bodied (on the face of it) adult in their late sixties could sit down. I then figured this was bonkers as me standing with a baby was more dangerous etc. However, it is instinctive. Or should be!
When it comes to my toddler, I would love to get him just to sit on any flamin' seat sometimes

writtenguarantee · 23/08/2014 00:21

There are never enough seats to go round.

Yup.

It's not going to kill your 6 year old to sit on your lap for a few stops

and it's not going to kill an adult to stand for a few stops either.

and it will make someone else's journey a lot more pleasant.

And mine and my daughter's journey worse.

We're breeding a horrible world of horrible children.

how so? by teaching them that all people, including children, deserve respect? That simply being older doesn't mean you deserve respect?

The question is why should a child SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE A CHILD give up their seat to an abled bodied person when an adult has no such obligation. The unwritten rules, as far as I can see, are quite simple. Whoever gets a seat first gets to use it, unless you see someone who has a special need for it. I am not an asshole about this. I will pretty much give up my seat if I at all notice that someone is having difficulty standing and I would ask my child to do the same.

writtenguarantee · 23/08/2014 00:37

Oh and not answering back. Which more children could do with learning. If you try to ask a child to stop doing something annoying e.g. the boys hanging around outside the supermarket who were teasing a younger child, they give you backchat. When they should be embarrassed about being caught out and worried you'll tell their Mum or the security guard or someone.

I think more people should talk to children and teach them empathy and to think like a reasonable person. That way they will learn to evaluate what's the right thing to do rather than doing things out of fear "being caught out".

The world was a lot safer when I was little

I would check your stats on that.

EddieStobbart · 23/08/2014 01:17

This thread is an eye opener to me. If a bus was really busy and people near me looked like they needed a seat I'd get up and let them have it. Anyone elderly, pregnant, if someone looked particularly exhausted they yes. However, I would be far more likely to stand up myself than ask the DCs to move and for most people of working age with no obviously need for a seat then, no, it wouldn't occur to me to tell the DCs to give up their seat.

I would take the kids on my knee where practical but Dc1 is now a tall 8, can still sit on my knee but getting to be tight fit in cramped spaces so not always an option on a busy bus.

When the kids were a bit smaller, adults on the bus would stand up to offer their seats to them as they looked more vulnerable than the adult and if that is the case in reverse then the seat is offered. But not simply because the person standing is an adult.

HappyAgainOneDay · 23/08/2014 07:21

EddieStobbart Your children are in the 'entitled spoilt brat' category because you stand so they keep their seats. You are showing them that you are less important than they are.

HappyAgainOneDay · 23/08/2014 07:26

slithytove May I remind you that children do not pay taxes and adults do. Adults include pensioners and some do still pay taxes and taxes pay for the bus passes. So the bus passes are not 'free' any more than prescriptions are free. Do not patronise us, please.

slithytove · 23/08/2014 08:04

Really, we are getting into the realms of those who do and don't pay tax now? In which case, I dare say there are a few adults, both in need and not, both fare payers and not, who aren't 'entitled' to seats any more than a person under 16 is.

But I really don't care to be honest.

Vulnerable person of any age, tax paying and fare paying status - gets a seat
Otherwise, first come first served. Age doesn't trump youth for a seat.

slithytove · 23/08/2014 08:06

Oh happy - you might want to take up the wording of the 'free' travel with gov.co.uk, since you find it so patronising

www.gov.uk/apply-for-elderly-person-bus-pass

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