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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents should make room for adults by getting their kids to sit on their laps.

702 replies

Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 12:14

I have always done this, in waiting rooms, on buses, anywhere really. Even till they were too big really to be sitting on laps. Even now I will get them to sit on the floor at friends houses so that adults get the chairs. It's polite and the way I was brought up.

I often see children taking up a space, when it would be easy just to pop them on your knee for a short period of time. I know for a fact that some of these parents have no physical reason not to do this. They just think that their child has as much right as an adult to have that seat. True but it's not good manners is it?

AIBU?

OP posts:
WorriedMutha · 15/08/2014 17:31

I am dismayed reading this thread and am with Thurlow on posters taking the most extreme scenarios as the norm. I completely agree with the original poster and would have been expected to offer my seat for an adult when I grew up as a matter of good manners. I have always plonked my child on my lap when public transport is full. All too often I have seen children who are well able to stand oblivious to anyone with a greater need for a seat (even if they look up from their electronic media to notice). I realise now that this is how they have been parented and clearly I am out of step with the direction of travel.

DogCalledRudis · 15/08/2014 17:32

I was brought up with this manner that young and strong must give up seats for old and infirm. Nothing very wrong with that. But young can also be feeling poorly, and the "old and infirm" can be so aggressive.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/08/2014 17:32

Again, I'll stand in a waiting room!

Rather not have my kids sat on the floor like animals hoping they don't get a kick in the face or trodden on.

I've never been in a dentist that crowded before but I ideally sit them together on the same seat.

I hope you don't expect ill children in a drs waiting room to get up?

frames · 15/08/2014 17:33

Dc is huge, I am small, she would have squashed me even at a young age. If you are in need of a seat I would offer you mine and stand or dc would play on the floor, if safe to do so.

SevenZarkSeven · 15/08/2014 17:36

I also don't expect older children to stand for me TBH. It's honestly never occurred to me to get the hump about that.

Odd thread.

I do think that older children should stand for elderly/pregnant/little ones/others who look like they need it or ask but so should anyone.

The TFL priority seats actually have a picture of a person with a child BTW.

Original poster
Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 17:40

I guess it is as other pps have said. Because I do it myself I do judge when other people don't. It's not that I desperately want the seat. I just find it a bit rude when parents don't do their best to ensure as many adults as possible can sit down.
I guess i do judge Blush

OP posts:
Squtternutbaush · 15/08/2014 17:41

I don't have an issue with my child standing or sitting on my lap in a crowded room but I won't do it in a moving vehicle, I'd stand before my child did.

As I've said before, I've watched my mum go operation after operation to repair a broken nose and jaw because people thought she should be standing on a bus at 5 so no I won't be putting that upon mine or anyone else's DC.

Children, people with disabilities and the elderly are all just as vulnerable in that situation.

Also why is it okay to say that someone is putting the needs of others before their child yet its okay to say that those parents are "breeding entitled mannerless children"?

Get a fucking grip.

JenniferJo · 15/08/2014 17:41

The priority seats have a person with a walking stick and a parent and child. The implication being the child will sit on the adult's lap, it seems to me. Not a picture of a child on its own.

Our drivers also insist that buggies are folded in case a wheelchair user gets on. Seems fair.

80schild · 15/08/2014 17:42

In a non-crowded bus my children are as entitled as anyone else to a seat. The situation changes when there are paying adults - they should give their seats up because they don't pay and someone else has.

However, there is also give and take in all situations my kids are still quite small and would not be able to stand on a bus for a long time holding on. I would expect someone who was able bodied to offer a seat for my children on a busy bus (and to be fair they always have).

Squtternutbaush · 15/08/2014 17:43

*not okay

SevenZarkSeven · 15/08/2014 17:44

Surely practicality and safety should be the primary concern for everyone, rather than following some kind of code?

A 4yo might need a seat more than a healthy 40 year old but less than a 90 year old with walking sticks.

However given that there are usually more healthy adults on crowded transport than vulnerable people I would hope that both the 4yo and the 90yo would end up with seats.

MrsBoldon · 15/08/2014 17:45

Transport safety is a separate issue but I have a big extended family and was brought up to know that if there weren't enough seats at gatherings, kids sat on laps or on the floor.

It's the same now, my young cousins will always give up a seat for an adult to sit down. The adult might say no, It's fine and they'll stand but it's always expected that they'll offer.

I'm in my 30s but will still sit on the floor if all seats are taken and my Mum or her siblings who are the next generation need a seat (and many of them are in their 50s and fit so could sit on the floor if needs be).

It's polite and in no way is it ageism!.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/08/2014 17:46

Exactly.

Why on a bus fill of people is it down to a small child to take the risk.

Why not the 25 yr old office worker with his head down playing the iPhone?

Why not the 35 yr old with her bag taking up an empty seat.

Why does it have to be the kid

SevenZarkSeven · 15/08/2014 17:46

Jennifer? So you would give up your seat for a young child but only on the condition it was sitting on the lap of an adult?

Some adults aren't comfortable with children sitting on them and prefer to try to stand as near as poss to where the child is seated. Sometimes there is more than one child and they share / sit on each other. A range of scenarios.

The point of the sign is that young children (who will presumably not be travelling alone) should not be expected to stand, they are included in the priority seating.

I mean, really, that's a bit pedantic isn't it?

toomuchtooold · 15/08/2014 17:48

Um... I have two children small enough to sit on my lap. Do I attempt to get both on my lap, or start WW3 by taking one on my lap and having the other het her own seat? Oh I know I know, if.they were well brought up they'd be falling.over each other to be obliging.

partialderivative · 15/08/2014 17:49

I'd not like to see the looks if I ask my DD to sit in my knee in a couple of years when she is 14/15.

How old before they are allowed a seat of their own?

SevenZarkSeven · 15/08/2014 17:50

The 2 kids share and you stand (assuming you are able) would be the obvious solution to that one.

Or obviously all 3 of you stand up as some would insist Hmm

Original poster
Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 17:54

As long as the adult in question has made some allowances for the standing adults, be it sitting kids on their laps, squeezing up two to a seat or standing up themselves and letting their child sit down, then I consider all of those options as being polite. It's when a family take up loads of seats and couldn't care less about the number of adults standing, that is when Inthink they are aomewhat lacking in the manners department.

And I agree, I would always sit on the floor if the older (still very agile) generation are around.

OP posts:
JenniferJo · 15/08/2014 17:55

Seven, I wouldn't give up my seat for a child full stop. I won't stand on buses at all now because I have some health issues. If the bus is full I wait for the next one.

Our drivers will tell parents to have their children on their laps if adults are standing. The regulations are displayed on the buses and the drivers enforce them. Children travel at reduced rate as long as they do not occupy a seat when an adult is standing.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/08/2014 17:56

As of that's limited to families Hmm

I see more people taking up seats with shopping, hand bags, wide leg stances, or just sprawling across seats than I do, kids taking up excessive space.

mommy2ash · 15/08/2014 17:57

my dd is seven and too big to sit on my lap as I am very short it wouldn't be comfortable for anyone. if I have paid for a ticket for her on the bus then she is just as entitled to sit down as anyone else. if someone needed a seat such as an elderly person or a heavily pregnant woman I would give up my seat. it's not safe for my dd to stand on the bus. when she was younger I would pop her on my knee of course.

at the doctors I wouldn't ask her to give up her seat if she was sick. I only visit the doctors if we were really ill why does one ill person take precedent over another. if I was the one who was ill I would tell her to give her seat up but Im rarely ill so that hasn't come up yet

Babiecakes11 · 15/08/2014 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShoddyBoss · 15/08/2014 17:57

partial, I'd expect a healthy NT 14 or 15 year old to voluntarily offer their seat to someone in greater need and not wait to be told or asked to. Wouldn't you?

MuddlingMackem · 15/08/2014 17:58

ouryve Fri 15-Aug-14 17:09:42

And children aren't free here, madeye. The 5 mile each way journey into Durham from here is £3.60 return for a child. I know some areas have very heavily subsidised travel for local children, but ours isn't one of them.

sillystring · 15/08/2014 17:59

Where I live children aren't free either, and it's more than "half" price of the full adult fare.

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