To refuse to un-recline dd's plane seat...

[MerryMarigold]

Dh reckons I am. I reckon I am not.

So, long haul flight. Up at 3am to get to airport. 2 flights, 4 hour transit, bit of a hideous trip.

Anyways, on second flight, dd aged 5 FINALLY falls asleep. Thank God. Recline her seat so she is more comfortable and will hopefully sleep longer. 5 minutes later lady behind pokes my arm and asks me to put the chair up. Not very politely. I tell her my dd is asleep. She says she can't open her table with the chair reclined. (I have done this many times, so know it is entirely possible). I kneel on my chair and help her open table. Says she can't see TV screen. I adjust TV screen angle for her. She then proceeds to kick Dd's chair several times, whilst I get annoyed but decide to ignore.

10 mins later drinks come round and she speaks to the air steward in local language. He says to me. "Can I raise the seat?" and I tell him dd is sleeping. He says, "I'll do it gently" and just leans over me and does it. Thankfully she didn't wake up and managed to sleep in a contorted way for a lot longer.

I am usually the sort of person who doesn't stick up for myself and who doesn't like putting other people out (I didn't recline my own chair for the entire 9 hour flight as her large dh was behind me). I was very tired, I think that's why I was a bit arsey. I am also not being PFB. I have 3 children, but the others were not as tired and were fine.

Dh said it was her 'right' to have the seat up at least until the food is cleared up (this is probably at least 3 hours into the flight as it's a long flight). I said, "Says who?" Does her right to eat more comfortably trump my dd's right to sleep more comfortably?

So who is right?

Had dd not slept, I cannot predict the outcome except that it wouldn't have been very pretty. 5 hours sleep, 8 hours into an 18 hour journey. Constant chatting at best, crying over the fact the yoghurt is plain and has no honey (and I'm sure she could find many more things), at worst.

OK, I do regret that one. Though she was quite a scary lady.

YABU I am 5'9'' with long legs and if someone reclines seat I am pinned in an uncomfortable position and can't move to make myself more comfortable. You ask why her needs trump your DD's, maybe think why do you think DD's need trump hers?

OP upshot is some people can't be pleased.

You just have to do your best at the time and you did.

Had dd not slept, I cannot predict the outcome except that it wouldn't have been very pretty. 5 hours sleep, 8 hours into an 18 hour journey. Constant chatting at best, crying over the fact the yoghurt is plain and has no honey (and I'm sure she could find many more things), at worst.

Yeah but that's yours and your DH's problem isn't it?

It's not the problem of the person sitting behind her, who didn't choose to give birth to her.

I can understand how as a parent your child can become all consuming (honestly I can!) but I'm still with your DH on this one because he seems to understand the wider picture.

Fluff - if you have paid for a seat it doesn't come with a disclaimer "cannot be reclined if a tall person is behind you".

If leg room is that vital to you then it's your responsibility to secure it as part of your flight booking.

I didn't punch the poor flight attendant who raised her seat on the nose anyway!

Pickel, I agree, but it was a risk as this is the first time we have done this since she was a baby - which was entirely different. I had no idea what would work best, but wanted to give her sleep the best shot possible.

Next time she will be 9yo and I'm sure it will be much easier. (My 8yo was great outbound and inbound).

Musing child Free flights and hotels! That's the answer people.

I can understand how as a parent your child can become all consuming

I know how it must look like that but really I am never usually 'that sort' of parent. Honest Guv!

On the outbound flight I was much more aware of how she may be disturbing other people than that she was bothering me. I actually quite like hearing her sweet, little voice singing. But not sure the guy in the eye mask next to her would be quite so happy about it.

Ahh well just chalk it up to experience

I do know where you're coming from but I also know where your DH and the lady behind you was coming from too.

As I said, it wouldn't bother me if your child reclined her seat, but other people might have many reasons why it really would bother them.

Anyway, I'm sure you're all over it now.

YABU (and extremely precious) as seats should not be reclined when food or drinks are being served. I bet your DH was embarrassed by your behaviour.

The worst is when someone suddenly reclines their seat in your face as they have finished their drink and they launch the glass of red wine you're sipping into your lap.

We just did a 11 hour flight with a mum and 2 small children behind us. The 4 or 5YO kicked DD18's seat for most of the 11 hours. When the 5YO got up (frequently) to see her dad (sitting elsewhere with the older son) she pulled my seat and invariably my hair. I spoke to the mum quite a few times and nothing changed. She was totally ineffectual and indifferent.

I would very gladly fly with an airline who had cabins for 12 and over only. Our plane last week had four sections of economy, it would have been great if some had been just for over 12s. Mind you most of the passengers would want to sit there!

I just couldn't understand why her needs trumped dd's

Why did your dd's needs trump hers?

Tbh, I think her sleeping longer was for EVERYONE'S comfort as on the flight out she discovered Katy Perry's Dark Horse on the music videos and kept singing along with the headphones accompanied by my virtually constant 'shush'ings. So your need to keep her asleep was for purely selfish reasons, you didn't want her to catch up on sleep, you wanted her quiet so you could enjoy your flight in peace.

FFS a quiet, sleeping child is for EVERYONE'S benefit on a flight. DD has flown almost 20 times in her short life and IME people who aren't twunts understand that letting a sleeping child be is better for everyone. Generally parents are working really hard on flights.

I want a section for my lovely, well-behaved 3 yo on flights where mean-spirited, grumpy people aren't allowed.

Yabu, selfish and rude. I can't believe you don't see that!

And you sound just lovely Pinky

You are being massively, massively unreasonable. It is such selfish behaviour. Long haul with little children must be a nightmare (I wouldn't attempt it unless we could travel business) but honestly I think the woman was most restrained.

OP I'll go against the grain here and say that in the most part YANBU, I have flown many long haul flights including 2 days ago and always recline my seat after food service. On the flight I was on some seats were reclined as soon as we had taken off and were only out upright at the start if food service.
In your position I would have recline your DD chair as soon as service was over, usually the lights are also dimmed at thus point. I would also gave reclined my chair even if the passenger behind was large.
I am a tall large person and cope when the person in front reclines.

Oh and for those asking for child free cabins, the worst behaviour on the flight was a 30-40 yr old man who sat next to my DD, he got through 3 vodka and tonics, 2 beers, 2 glasses of wine and half a bottle of duty free scotch on a 12 hour flight. Managed to get gummed on himself and the chair, disturbed my DD to get up to go to the toilet or get more supplies at least once an hour, and kept punching the chair in front because it was reclined. My DD was not impressed.

I was asked by the steward yesterday to put my chair upright while food was being served.
It was an oversight on my part ( night flight- long & I was very sleepy).
I apologised immediately and raised my seat - it is good manners to & an actual requirement for many.

However, I get quite exasperated at the attitude of some people.
Why am I not allowed to recline my seat because you don't as you don't think it's fair?
Travel really brings out the worse in people.
There is no problem with someone reclining a chair as long as they stick to the rules designed for everyone's comfort.

It is not acceptable behaviour to kick anyone's chair

Not was it acceptable for the woman on our 12 hour night flight who kept opening her window and waking all the sleeping passengers. There wereany complaints and she was approached by the steward many times... But alas, she wanted to enjoy "the view" and she was retired not like my DH who went straight to work straight off the plane.

Or the man who tried to move my overhead luggage from its position above me to much further up the plane because " I want my case near me".... Yes we'll so do I!! I was here first... He then proceeded to say nasty things about me to his partner on a language I can speak

Why do some people feel they are more entitled?

YABU op. you could have brought the seat up and should have....
However there is a significant portion of passengers who should not be able to fly.
There is no place for bullying anti social behaviour on planes.

YANBU and I can't believe what a hard time people are giving you. As a frequent flyer I recline as soon as I can for as long as I can and expect other people to in economy, anything to make the seats more comfortable.

As for the air hostess bringing the seat forward, it depends on whether the policy is that you have to have the seat upright for food or not.

I think also, someone calling you a cunt is a bit much!

Yabu. Plane etiquette says you don't recline until food and drinks have been served.

Depends how long the flight is Eurochick.....I reclined after the first meal was served... But had forgotten to unrecline for the second .....