To refuse to un-recline dd's plane seat...

[MerryMarigold]

Dh reckons I am. I reckon I am not.

So, long haul flight. Up at 3am to get to airport. 2 flights, 4 hour transit, bit of a hideous trip.

Anyways, on second flight, dd aged 5 FINALLY falls asleep. Thank God. Recline her seat so she is more comfortable and will hopefully sleep longer. 5 minutes later lady behind pokes my arm and asks me to put the chair up. Not very politely. I tell her my dd is asleep. She says she can't open her table with the chair reclined. (I have done this many times, so know it is entirely possible). I kneel on my chair and help her open table. Says she can't see TV screen. I adjust TV screen angle for her. She then proceeds to kick Dd's chair several times, whilst I get annoyed but decide to ignore.

10 mins later drinks come round and she speaks to the air steward in local language. He says to me. "Can I raise the seat?" and I tell him dd is sleeping. He says, "I'll do it gently" and just leans over me and does it. Thankfully she didn't wake up and managed to sleep in a contorted way for a lot longer.

I am usually the sort of person who doesn't stick up for myself and who doesn't like putting other people out (I didn't recline my own chair for the entire 9 hour flight as her large dh was behind me). I was very tired, I think that's why I was a bit arsey. I am also not being PFB. I have 3 children, but the others were not as tired and were fine.

Dh said it was her 'right' to have the seat up at least until the food is cleared up (this is probably at least 3 hours into the flight as it's a long flight). I said, "Says who?" Does her right to eat more comfortably trump my dd's right to sleep more comfortably?

So who is right?

[YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx]

People are so intolerant of children these days. Everyone is so whiny about them it is embarrassing. Unless the child was sitting on her lap or physically preventing her doing anything (which she obviously wasn't) then she should have sucked it up. Rather that than a fussy/ screaming child.

Sick of grown ups comparing their needs with children. So silly

[HicDraconis]

I am going to massively buck the trend and say YANBU. I had someone recline while I was flying back from NZ at 35 weeks with DS2 and I had my 18 month old asleep on my lap at the time. I didn't ask them to put their chair up because why is my comfort more important than theirs? We've all paid for the seats, they recline - it's one of those irritations if you're going to fly long haul in economy. I just reclined mine too to give me a bit more space. You say there was no food being served so no reason for your seat back to be upright except a grumpy cow behind you.

To all those people who are amazingly tall and never recline because it's bad manners - nope, nobody gave me the Etiquette Code of being an Airline Passenger when I booked my ticket. If I need to recline to sleep I will do, cheers :) but have a medal anyway.

We're flying back to the UK later this year and if our seats need to go back, they will do. And if any of you grumpy lot are flying behind me, you're welcome to ask me to put it up - but I will likely just as politely refuse.

[FloatIsRechargedNow]

Having spent some time working out who was seated where (because I'm awake and a bit bored) there must have been a stranger sitting in the window seat next to you and dd (couldn't work out if dd was middle or aisle). What were they doing throughout this exchange?

[nooka]

This thread is very odd. I fly across the Atlantic regularly. As soon as food trays have been cleared away everyone reclines their seats including me. There is no etiquette to say this is wrong and I would never complain if the person in front of me moves their seat back. It makes a fairly small difference, you move your seat back and the space between them remains pretty much the same. I am 5.10" and I cope. dh is 6'4" and he copes.

Op in your situation if the steward has asked me if he could raise my child's seat I would have said "no". Seats have to be upright for landing, take off and the food service and that's all. You can easily have your tray down to hold a drink with the seat reclined, or adjust your tv.

[Andrewofgg]

YABU during food cycle. Sorry but that's how it is.

[nooka]

But the food must have been cleared away as the woman in the seat behind didn't have her tray out when the seat was reclined, and the service 10 mins later was drinks not food.

[Andrewofgg]

Food or drink, makes no difference. Seat up. It's part of flying.

[UptheAnty]

^
Nonsense.

[JapaneseMargaret]

Another one who thinks YANBU. I have flown more long haul flights than I care to remember over the past 16 years, most recently NZEurope return a couple of weeks ago with a 5YO and a 3YO.

I have never had an issue with people in front of me reclining seats. And I am 5'10". DH is 6'3". The seats recline. They're designed to do that. I obey airline etiquette and keep it upright during meals; usually only have it reclined during night flights, etc. Unless I'm tired and need to sleep.

It has never occurred to me to be bothered when people in front recline. It's what the seat does. I think people who travel frequently are more understanding of this. Those for whom it's a special occassion maybe get more outraged when people utilise the seat in the manner which it's intended...

I think the the woman, while entirely right in her own head, is also the sort of total misery that you're basically just glad you don't have the misfortune of knowing.

Travelling (especially long haul) with children is Hard Work, and when you're, for example, married to someone from the other side of the world, it's a necessary evil, and not something you can just abstain from, until they're older.

Agree with HicDraconis - if you (generic) want to martyr yourself to the cause and not recline your seat, then go for it. Expecting everyone else to also, is madness.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

I had a thread on here a few years back when I moaned about someone reclining their seat on a shorthaul flight as I was holding baby dd and had no room at all.

So many told me I was unreasonable as the woman had paid for her seat and was entitled to recline. And that was on shorthaul!

And this thread seems to say the exact opposite

I think its ok to recline on longhaul night flights but inconsiderate at meal times. I also wouldn't do it if I noticed the person behind me had a baby/was pregnant/very tall. I guess I'd rather be considerate than totally out to milk every last penny of what I paid for the flight.

[Mutley77]

I am a bit undecided. Yes the general etiquette is wait until after the food has been cleared up - it is decidedly uncomfortable trying to eat with a reclined seat in front.

However, if her food had been cleared, then yes it's fine, however old the child. We had people behind us once who kept pushing the seats of my 2DC which were reclined while my DC were (trying to!) drift(ing) off to sleep. I asked them politely to stop it and they got totally arsey and said they shouldn't recline the seats because they were children!!! I was highly annoyed as had paid full fare for my 2DC and they are as entitled as anyone to recline their seats (and probably had more need for sleep given their ages) - it was a night flight and they were trying to get to sleep - food all cleared. I can understand people wouldn't want children mucking about and pushing seats back and forward but to just recline - totally fair enough.

In the end they had an argument with my DH and one of them nearly punched him - then piped down when he threatened to get a steward/ess involved.

My tack now is always to get the stewardess involved. A stupid old woman in front of me on a 3 hour daytime flight started complaining about my 8 month old DD kicking the seat (not hard and only during take off when she was forcibly restrained on my lap - of course I was also trying to stop her!!). She then asked about an hour in to the flight if she minded that she was going to recline the seat. I said sorry I don't think there is room as DD was not a small 8 month old and had nowhere else to go!! I offered to ask the steward if there was an alternative seat for me (or her) but she quickly said "oh no it's fine!"

[JapaneseMargaret]

All it takes is a bit of cop-on, really.

If you're sitting in front of someone with a baby on their lap, you suck it up, and go without reclining your seat for the flight.

If you're behind an over-tired 5YO, who may well be on the second leg of a long flight, then you accept that they're going to need to sleep. And that the alternative of them not sleeping is not ideal for anyone.

Most reasonable people get this, surely.

[ProudAS]

This child fell asleep without the seat being reclined. I've slept on planes without reclining and I'm a grown woman with less room than a 5yo.

It is not practical to have the seats reclined during meal times unless you are in the back row. What if the child had been seated in front of a particularly large or tall person who needed the seat upright all along???

It's nice to be able to recline your seat but anyone wanting a guarantee should either pre-book the back row or pay for an extra seat.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

I think reason leaves many people at airports. Honestly, people become incredibly entitled on flights. I felt sorry for the crew on recent flight as some people were just so rude to them.

[JadeJ123]

Yabu, and you know it, this is the reason we don't fly cattle class!

[UsedToBeAPaxmanFan]

I think yabu. I have been on loads of flights where staff have asked people to raise their sest because the person behind is uncomfortable. And it's definitely not ok to recline your seat during meals.

[partialderivative]

We returned from a 'medium' haul flight yesterday (the bulk of it was around 8 hours).

I am marginally above average height for my age and gender. Cheapo seats give you no room to scratch your arse. If the seat in front wishes to decline (as is their prerogative) then it needs to be recognized that there will be a knock on, domino effect, and every other seat will need to be declined.

I have also travelled long haul with v.young children for several years. I have never needed to decline the seats for them.

[Delphiniumsblue]

I can't see the problem - the seat was put up and she continued to sleep- you could have done that from the start.

[Delphiniumsblue]

It is very unfair to recline for meals.

[CPtart]

YANBU. Meal times excluded it is perfectly acceptable to recline your seat. I get terribly travel sick at times despite medication, but for some reason reclining my seat does help and I do it as soon as possible.
My holiday, my needs come first I'm afraid.

[UptheAnty]

If I want to recline my seat I will-- except at meal times.

If there is a child behind me - I will do the same. I will not take into consideration your dc's needs- that's your job.

If you want space- pre book or get a seat for your baby as I have done in the past for mine.

I cannot believe that a reasonable person would expect any different!

[Mrsmorton]

I would be incredibly pissed off if the person in front of me reclined a chair for a child. Especially a sleeping one, they need far less room than an adult. She could have laid across your lap?. YABU to think your child trumps everyone else. And your mentioning he awful journey that you had? Is that anyone else's fault? Had the lady behind you had an awful journey?

[IsThisOneTaken]

To all those people who are amazingly tall and never recline because it's bad manners - nope, nobody gave me the Etiquette Code of being an Airline Passenger when I booked my ticket. If I need to recline to sleep I will do, cheers but have a medal anyway.

I'm one of those 'amazingly tall' people (6ft 1) who doesn't recline as I know know uncomfortable it makes me. Do unto others and all that....

Next time, I'll just think 'fuck it' thanks to you.

Cheers!

[angeltulips]

God, yanbu

I do loads of long haul flying and it is utterly acceptable to recline outside of meal service. Everyone tends to recline so it's a domino effect - fine. Obviously the rules are different on shorthaul.

And, no, you don't keep your seat upright if there is a baby in the seat behind you. Wtf?! If you are travelling with a baby you either book a bassinet or another seat. Not rely on other people to make themselves more uncomfortable than necessary.

[rf241]

This really annoys me. Parents often think that their child's happiness trumps that of others but This is dry unfair and also risks raising entitled children. My kids are my problem. It's not for anyone else to have to suffer for their comfort (not that I even think that it made a difference regarding the seat)

People expect a prize for having kids abs that the whole world should accommodate them. If you don't like travelling without seat decline, don't travel.