To refuse to un-recline dd's plane seat...

[MerryMarigold]

Dh reckons I am. I reckon I am not.

So, long haul flight. Up at 3am to get to airport. 2 flights, 4 hour transit, bit of a hideous trip.

Anyways, on second flight, dd aged 5 FINALLY falls asleep. Thank God. Recline her seat so she is more comfortable and will hopefully sleep longer. 5 minutes later lady behind pokes my arm and asks me to put the chair up. Not very politely. I tell her my dd is asleep. She says she can't open her table with the chair reclined. (I have done this many times, so know it is entirely possible). I kneel on my chair and help her open table. Says she can't see TV screen. I adjust TV screen angle for her. She then proceeds to kick Dd's chair several times, whilst I get annoyed but decide to ignore.

10 mins later drinks come round and she speaks to the air steward in local language. He says to me. "Can I raise the seat?" and I tell him dd is sleeping. He says, "I'll do it gently" and just leans over me and does it. Thankfully she didn't wake up and managed to sleep in a contorted way for a lot longer.

I am usually the sort of person who doesn't stick up for myself and who doesn't like putting other people out (I didn't recline my own chair for the entire 9 hour flight as her large dh was behind me). I was very tired, I think that's why I was a bit arsey. I am also not being PFB. I have 3 children, but the others were not as tired and were fine.

Dh said it was her 'right' to have the seat up at least until the food is cleared up (this is probably at least 3 hours into the flight as it's a long flight). I said, "Says who?" Does her right to eat more comfortably trump my dd's right to sleep more comfortably?

So who is right?

SlowRedCar The two comments combined suggested it was during a meal time (to those of us who don't eat constantly anyway).

SlowRedCar, just because some posters state they hate people reclining onto their laps does not mean they are not regular long haul fliers.

I have flown countless long journeys and am always irritated by recliners - don't care if I'm right or wrong, I just know that people who recline annoy the hell out of me.

Someone reclining their already sleeping child (who does not need to recline), would really, really irritate me.

I don't need to recline to sleep comfortably so I selfishly don't see why others need to either. I know that makes me a bit of a twat, but I am unapologetic of my twatiness in this case!

Blimey! Gotta love the twists and turns of AIBU. I am now unsure whether I was U or not! And it was all so clear after 3 pages of comments.

Anyway. Apologies for the confusion re. food. In my OP it was confusing. This was because:
a. Lady behind turned it into a food/ tray issue even though no food was being served and drinks had not even arrived
b. Dh said I should have waited till after the meal service to recline dd even though there was no sign of meal service when I originally reclined her.

And to those saying I didn't need to recline her when she fell asleep upright: the point was this is the first flight she has slept on since she was 1.5 and I had no idea if/ how she would sleep. She had 5 hours sleep followed by 8 hours of further travel without sleeping. She can be high maintenance in the sleep department so I wanted to give it my best shot by reclining her and making her as comfortable as possible - as some other posters have surmised.

(and with a further 12 hours of travel, I really did want her to sleep several hours or risk a major meltdown).

Not you OP, but I feel depressed about the state of humanity reading this thread. I am not surprised really but it saddens me. So many unpleasant, selfish and some downright obnoxious recliners. And their 'rights'. Yuk.

I only recline once meals are over & everyone seems to be trying to sleep.

I was on a flight last week where the guy in front of me reclined his seat as soon as we had taken off.

Very bad manners.

And I do fly longhaul fairly often. Still don't reclinee on someone just because it is my "right". And I said have had wankers recline on me even when I had a baby/child on my lap - but according to some (slowred) that's just tough shit.

I consider the person behind me and don't just recline as I can.

BringmeTea grow up and please answer me do you ever travel long haul?

YABU and a bit rude.

It is polite to wait until meal service is over before you recline. I have often seen flight attendants ask passengers to put their seats up so that they can serve food or drinks to the person behind them.

(Basically, your DH was 100% correct.)

What do people actually mean, when they say long-haul, though? I am beginning to wonder...

To me, long haul means roughly 40+ hours of flights and airports - 3 flight-legs, 2 of which are 12-14 hours long, and 3 stints killing endless time in airport lounges (check-in + 2 stop-overs).

Look, I'm sorry, but by the second half of the second leg - and certainly by the third leg - I AM going to be reclining my seat, and my DCs' seats.

Those legs might be daytime legs for you; they may even be for us, as well (although maybe not), but regardless, we are going to be tired, and completely over sitting in a cramped airline seat.

Reclining, by that point, makes the experience marginally more bearable.

If you (generic), under the same circumstances, would still prefer not to recline. That's fine. You go ahead and sit bolt upright. I won't, though. Sorry.

Disclaimer: as I said earlier on the thread, not while meals are being served.

And I have zero issue with people reclining in front of me, obviously. I don't even ask them to pull their seat up if they forget during meal service.

Maybe I need a medal.

LOL, gin. Yes, that definitely helps.

I don't think any reasonable person is saying you can't recline, ever. Just that it is courtesy to wait until the initial drinks and meal service are done.

I can't believe someone suggested complaining to the airline about the flight attendant that reached over and reclined the seat. Physically adjusting someone's seat if they think it necessary is totally within a flight attendant's remit. The airline is not going to give a toss.

Margaret - think you are alone on long haul being 40hrs/3 flights (where you off to - the moon?). Think it's anything from 1 flight of around 10 hours or longer, roughly imo anyway.

NZEurope. That's what it takes.

And I'm sure other people who have to fly from pole-to-pole, say China America, have to do that, too. It won't be that unusual. Which is why you get people reclining.

amandaclarke RTT.

The categories are generally: regional; short-haul; long haul; and ultra long-haul. I think different airlines and businesses can define them differently. I don't think there is a single definition.

Did an 11 hour flight last week. Woman in front of me at the bulkhead ( so she had mega room) reclined. So yes I had no problem digging my knees in now and then. Putting my table up and down with aplomb, getting up and down for the loo and yanking her headrest back (had to anyway as it was difficult to get up with her reclined seat.

Holy shit, really?!

I'm American and have only been on flights out of the country a couple of times (and have no recollection of what anyone did with their seats). But on domestic flights here it is totally, totally normal to recline your seat the second you are allowed to and to keep it that way the whole flight. It is not seen as you imposing an inconvenience on the person behind you. In fact, if you were to ask someone not to recline, you would be imposing an inconvenience on them, making them sit up the whole way just for your comfort, and you would be the entitled one. If you were doing all that stuff I quoted above so as to punish me b/c I had put my seat back, I honestly would not know what in hell was the matter with you. I would assume you were either colossally inconsiderate or a little crazy.

Is this idea I'm sorry to generalize, but this thread has really surprised me is this idea, that everyone on the plane is supposed to voluntarily decline what slim possibility of comfort still remains in coach class and all sit bolt upright for 4/6/12 hours, a British thing?

Although that doesn't explain your position Scone ...

I have been flying ultra long haul regularly for years and years, and medium haul for work; it doesn't even occur to me to mind people reclining. It just comes with the territory of flying.

I would never expect anyone not to recline, to make my journey only marginally better (again, I'm 5'10"). I think that's so unreasonable.

I think those who do, are the entitled ones.

LOL, cross-post with Keatsie.

I am not a martyr British.

Ha! JapaneseMargaret oops I was not at the end of the thread and hadn't seen any of your posts. I see we're saying all the same things

Yanking someone's headrest back, and kicking their seat is soooo, unbearably passive aggressive. It's pathetic.

If you have that much of a problem with someone, just bloody well come out and say it. Have the courage of your convictions.

Well yes! And especially since clearly some of us (the non-British?) genuinely wouldn't have the faintest idea why you were kicking and yanking on the seat like an asshole the whole damn flight.

is this idea, that everyone on the plane is supposed to voluntarily decline what slim possibility of comfort still remains in coach class and all sit bolt upright for 4/6/12 hours, a British thing?

No, and that's not the idea.

As a data point, I'm Australian, but lived in Britain for 5 years. I've flown long-haul in and out of both Australia and the UK more times than I can remember, on many different airlines.

The convention is to keep your seat upright until the first meal service is finished. This is because it's easier for the cabin crew to deliver and clear away the trays while seats are upright, and also easier for everyone to eat and drink.

If meal service takes a while to get started, I guess you could recline your seat between take-off and the meal. However, I would expect cabin staff to ask me to put my seat up once the person behind me was served a drink.

And yes, I have seen flight attendants politely ask a passenger to put their seat up whilst simultaneously levering it up themselves (not waiting for an answer, in other words). Flight attendants are not glorified waiters; they're there for everyone's comfort and safety, and part of that is settling disputes between passengers swiftly.

Once meal service is done and most people have finished eating, you can't expect the person in front of you to refrain from reclining.