To be incensed by nonsense phrases

[watchingthedetectives]

"Eat beautiful"

"Eat colourful"

"Fly smart"

What do all these crap slogans mean. They actively put me off eating at Itsu, Pret and flying Aegean if I could actually "fly smart" it would most certainly be with another airline

There seem to be more and more of these phrases emerging daily. Some advertising genius is making a fortune with these random half baked statements.

My friend was telling me a story about her work the other day:

Friend: "...and then I said to Jim we should take it offline and..."
Me: "Why was it online? I thought you worked at the animal shelter? Have you changed jobs?!"
Friend: "No, it was a conference call."
Me: "So it wasn't online at all? I'm so confused"

Transpired she'd meant they should talk about it later, hang up the fucking phone, or any other similar phrase. FGS.

Also hate "be more dog" - I love dogs, but I really don't understand why the phone people want me to run around naked on all fours, sniff my friends' bums, pee in the park etc.

Years ago there was an ad for women's shaving cream that announced:

'Since the beginning of time, women have known that shaving with soap dries your skin'.

Since the beginning of time???

That would be an achievement, considering it took 10 billion years from the Big Bang for any life whatsoever to develop, and even then it was in the form of single-celled organisms which didn't give the tiniest shit about female body hair.

And don't get me started on 'fresh'. There was some ad campaign for Morrison's a while back in which some grinning meatpuppet wandered round chucking things in a trolley and warbling about it all being 'fresh'.

Fresh just means it hasn't been frozen for transit. You'll excuse me if I don't get too excited about that.

I eat colorful and beautiful Now what?

My least favorite "I have to use the little girl's room". Using the bathroom isn't cute. I hate any phrase used to cutsie up something that is usually gross.

Stuff like this:

"If you sprinkle while you tinkle,
Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie"

I blame shows like CSI and Criminal Minds - "victimology" anyone?

Yeah, just shove an "ology" on the end, that'll work.

My DP has some boxers with Authentic written on the waistband.

May we forever be saved from the Hell of fake undercrackers.

"New and improved"

Well which is it?

But ADHD did you not read the America thread from last week? It is toilet not bathroom. You are not going for a bath. There is no bath in a public loo.

If you understood what I was saying (and you obviously did), then I wrote my sentence just fine thank you. :)

Insurance ads - Buy online, or call us direct. Directly!!!!

I have it heard Go fun yourself.

Sounds rude to me.

The phrase that makes me grit my teeth is "X just got Y".

Gussets just got sexy.
Cornflakes just got nuttier.
Grammar just got redundant.

My bad

Hashtag

"There is no sleep til bedtime" sets my teeth on edge.

Not quite the theme but everything at Christmas time suddenly becomes 'luxury'. Grrrrr...

I miss pentapepsides - whatever happened to them? ( was it L'oreal or Oil if Ulay I mean Olay)

I used to do PR for interiors products etc and they wanted me to say colourways a lot. I always changed it back to colours.

There seems to be a few absolutely irrelevant ccomparisons around in adds that drive me to despair.

Unfortunately I can only remembee one, and I'm paraphrasing that MMy brain is tired.

"You wouldn't wash your hair witout using both shampoo and conditioner, so why only use a single pronged treatment fir thrush. Use Canestan Duo."

Yes, because thrush is just lije washing your hair.

Wnakers.

I hate it when people on Facebook say 'inbox me, Hun' for this means nothing!

I said this on another thread recently -

My MIL has taken to saying she's going to touch base with us soon.

... Touch base?

She's not American nor has she recently spent any time there - so just ... why? It makes me cringe every time.

When people say: "I will go and touch base with Priya after the meeting" or whatever, I always feel like poor Priya is going to get a pat on the arse.

Hate the car one too. Just as bad IMO is this, from a TV station, always said very loudly: "Feed My Funny". It makes me cringe so much I hate hate hate it.

Ah bless added ad fucking naeseum when anyone does anything.

'Experience'
After holding on the line for god knows how long to BT being fobbed off to another dept and having to explain everything again and then being redirected to original dept you get someone calling for your customer feedback on your experience with BT.
I always think an experience is something you do that's exciting, pleasurable, once in a lifetime type thing not losing the will to live while holding on for BT.

I hate Feed My Funny too msrisotto.

It's language abuse. Poor words. I just hope there's a shelter somewhere where old slogans get rehomed in loving sentences.