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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go to this 'event'- SIL being a twat

135 replies

Amadeupname · 11/08/2014 16:47

NC.

DP's brother got married three years ago. We don't have much to do with them apart from (approximately) monthly phone calls and we'll drop in if we're in their area and vice versa. We live about 50 miles apart.

They came over at the weekend and we randomly for another reason had some old photo albums out when they turned up. So we were looking through their wedding pictures and suddenly SIL got really funny with me. She didn't say anything but went all quiet and stopped looking and was really 'off' with me when I asked her if she wanted a drink, about work etc.

Later that night BIL called to say thanks for a nice afternoon and to apologise for SIL's mood. I said 'I hope it wasn't anything I'd done'. He said 'No, no, you know just one of those things'. I heard her in the background saying 'It was not one of those things' and she took the phone off him and basically had a massive go at me about how I'd ruined her wedding because (a) I'd worn trousers and (b) I'd worn black and white.

I didn't think she was particularly Bridezilla but maybe she was actually. I didn't say a word during the phone call (she just ranted at me) because I'm a grown woman and I'm not going to have a slanging match over the phone with another grown woman over what I chose to wear one day two years ago.

Anyway, SIL has arranged a charity BBQ thing near her house which we said we'd go to ages ago for moral support even though it's massively out of our way. I've now told DP I won't be going but he can go without me if he wants. He says I'm BU. I say I'm not. Am I?

OP posts:
rumbelina · 11/08/2014 16:50

Go - in black and white trousers.

goshdarnit · 11/08/2014 16:50

If you do go, make sure you wear black trousers and a white top...
YANBU, by the way.

FunkyBoldRibena · 11/08/2014 16:50

Really, here wedding was ruined? So all the wedding photos were of sad faces all ruminating over why you wore black and white and TROUSERS???

If it was so important why wait for two years?

MelanieCheeks · 11/08/2014 16:52

Good for you on not rising to her rant. She's fuming about something that happened 2 years ago? What exactly does she expect you/ anyone to do about it now?

If you've agreed to the charity thing, it would be polite to go. But I can understand you would be uncomfortable, as might she. Are you intending never to see her ever again?

Groovee · 11/08/2014 16:52

Why did it upset her that you went in trousers and black and white. If someone had ranted at me like that, then I would probably put some distance between us for a while.

wowfudge · 11/08/2014 16:54

Someone pass the woman a grip - utterly ridiculous of her. OP YADNBU - she owes you an apology, although your BIL did his best.

Amadeupname · 11/08/2014 16:55

I wore white trousers linen trousers and a black halter neck and actually, if I do say so myself, I looked pretty good!

Funky Exactly, I have no idea why wait two years. I don't think she likes me very much in general anyway so perhaps just part of that.

Melanie I don't know. To be honest, I wouldn't be that bothered if I didn't see her again. It's not that I don't like her, I'm just very 'meh' about her IYSWIM.

OP posts:
MaxPepsi · 11/08/2014 16:56

I'd still go......dressed as a chicken or something equally as daft. Just to ruin her day!!

hamptoncourt · 11/08/2014 16:56

YANBU - she sounds deranged. I wouldn't go and I would distance myself from her as much as possible.

Scrumbled · 11/08/2014 16:57

Had you been wearing these

www.tibard.co.uk/chef-uniforms/chef-trousers/checkerboard-trouser

Amadeupname · 11/08/2014 16:58

wowfudge Yeah, I get the impression BIL knew she was being unreasonble and was trying to avoid the confrontation but she was determined to have it out I think.

Groovee Apparently, she said that everyone knows you shouldn't wear white as it's the brides colour and you shouldn't wear black because that's a funeral colour. I must have been left off the list when this rule book of wedding attire was sent out.
And apparently I looked a dick because I was the only woman in trousers. Personally I liked that because I like to be different from the norm. Within particular conventions, of course. I wouldn't turn up to a wedding in my PJs.

OP posts:
BuilderMammy · 11/08/2014 16:58

There's no way I'd be going! She's clearly mad. Has she been stewing over this complete non-issue for two whole years?!

MaidOfStars · 11/08/2014 16:59

I'd bet she didn't notice your outfit on the day (I couldn't tell you what most of my guests wore), and she's only just copped on now. And decided to throw a tantrum about something for no reason other than to be spoiled.

Nothing wrong with black and white at a wedding anyway. And what's the issue with trousers???? You're outfit sounds fine!

Sack off the event. Why would you bother?

TeenAndTween · 11/08/2014 16:59

I don't think it's worth causing a family rift over.
Be the bigger person and go to the BBQ and act normal.

MaidOfStars · 11/08/2014 16:59

Oh golly, you're/your.

OldBeanbagz · 11/08/2014 17:00

Do you still have the outfit? If so i'd wear it to your SIL's charity BBQ. I certainly wouldn't avoid the event if you told her you'd support it.

But your SIL quite clearly needs to get a grip. Why wait two years to tell you that you spoiled their wedding?

Fiddlerontheroof · 11/08/2014 17:00

What a loon!

I once turned up at a wedding in a £15 dress from H&M and to my horror it was completely identical in colour and style to the bridesmaids far more expensive outfits!! I was aghast!. I legged it out the back of the church to the car and changed into a top and trousers I luckily had with me, that weren't as wedding-y but at least didn't ruin it for the bride.

I confessed to the Bride a few years later and we had a good laugh about it!

.....how the hell wearing black trousers and a white top would ruin her wedding I don't know! Unless perhaps she was wearing an identical outfit, or her bridesmaids were...which I'm guessing they weren't!

YANBU and absolutely go to the barbecue in the same outfit...!

curiousgeorgie · 11/08/2014 17:00

She sounds ridiculous. That outfit is entirely appropriate for a wedding and I'm sure you looked lovely...

Go to her 'event' in the same outfit Wink

amyhamster · 11/08/2014 17:01

I'd go in a big White meringue of a dress Grin

HappyAgainOneDay · 11/08/2014 17:02

Hmm. She became off with you because at the time you offered her a drink? She might be pregnant (did she have a drink?) and changed her bad feeling (not wanting to tell you that she is) to something totally unrelated. Just a possibility ........

Amadeupname · 11/08/2014 17:02

hampton That's my plan and I'm sticking to it. DP thinks the plan is a bit U and I should rise above it. I told him that I did rise above it by not shouting back to her down the phone and I'm not prepared to rise above it any further.

Scrumbled You found me out!!

Max lol @the chicken idea. I might go as a mutant ninja turtle... I won a prize for my costume as one years ago at a fancy dress party

OP posts:
BuilderMammy · 11/08/2014 17:03

Oh, and I only wear trousers to weddings, because I have the most hideous, enormous, cankled, varicose vein riddled legs ever and I'm a hundred times too fat for a dress. I've also worn black, white or both to every wedding I've been to. I'm surprised anyone's talking to me at all...

PleaseJustShootMeNow · 11/08/2014 17:03

To be honest I don't think it's the done thing to wear trousers to a wedding or to wear white without getting clearance from the bride first. That said, it's highly unlikely she even noticed on the day so you can't possibly have spoilt her day. Sounds like she looked over the photos afterwards and got the hump. Carrying that hump around for 3 years and bringing up and ranting about it, is just bonkers and looks like she's spoiling for a fallout with you.

Go to the even and wear your black and white outfit as others have said. Or better still, turn up in you wedding dress.

OnlyLovers · 11/08/2014 17:03

She needs a grip and a life.

I agree with those saying you can easily be the bigger person, go, smile and be pleasant, but personally I wouldn't go. That's because I'm petty and like to hold a grudge Blush.

I don't think YWBU not to go.

OnlyLovers · 11/08/2014 17:05

PS it's totally fine to wear black or white or trousers at a wedding. It is no longer the eighteenth century.