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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go to this 'event'- SIL being a twat

135 replies

Amadeupname · 11/08/2014 16:47

NC.

DP's brother got married three years ago. We don't have much to do with them apart from (approximately) monthly phone calls and we'll drop in if we're in their area and vice versa. We live about 50 miles apart.

They came over at the weekend and we randomly for another reason had some old photo albums out when they turned up. So we were looking through their wedding pictures and suddenly SIL got really funny with me. She didn't say anything but went all quiet and stopped looking and was really 'off' with me when I asked her if she wanted a drink, about work etc.

Later that night BIL called to say thanks for a nice afternoon and to apologise for SIL's mood. I said 'I hope it wasn't anything I'd done'. He said 'No, no, you know just one of those things'. I heard her in the background saying 'It was not one of those things' and she took the phone off him and basically had a massive go at me about how I'd ruined her wedding because (a) I'd worn trousers and (b) I'd worn black and white.

I didn't think she was particularly Bridezilla but maybe she was actually. I didn't say a word during the phone call (she just ranted at me) because I'm a grown woman and I'm not going to have a slanging match over the phone with another grown woman over what I chose to wear one day two years ago.

Anyway, SIL has arranged a charity BBQ thing near her house which we said we'd go to ages ago for moral support even though it's massively out of our way. I've now told DP I won't be going but he can go without me if he wants. He says I'm BU. I say I'm not. Am I?

OP posts:
Sizzlesthedog · 11/08/2014 19:03

My sil wore a cream trouser suit to our wedding. I didn't notice her ruining our wedding. I also had another guest in a white dress with black flowers on it.

Unless a guest wears a Bridal gown to a wedding, it's not really the same is it.

WitchWay · 11/08/2014 19:09

She is odd & rude, dare I say it unhinged

You must make sure, even if you don't go to the the do, that you wear white trousers & a black top every time you see her in future

Grin
DartmoorDoughnut · 11/08/2014 19:13

Bollocks! This thread has made me realise that I ruined my cousin's wedding Sad I wore a white linen trouser suit type thing with a black, white and grey top and a black hat ...

YANBU, but totally go wearing the same outfit!

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 11/08/2014 19:14

I can't remember what people wore to my wedding. I'm going to have to get the pictures out and then make some phone calls Grin Wink .

My bf wore black; wide linen pants and a bustier top, I thought at the time she looked beautiful. I was so wrong. Is it too late to change my mind after 10 years? I feel like a doormat.

DartmoorDoughnut · 11/08/2014 19:15

Oh FFS! And I ruined her brother's wedding a few years earlier by wearing a white & black dress!

I'm off to gave a good long think about my behaviour Hmm

ipswichwitch · 11/08/2014 19:17

Hang on, does this mean I need to make a rants phone call to my aunt who came to our wedding in brown trousers and an orange mohair jumper?
Oh, wait no. I don't. Because I'm not a twat. I invited people because I love them and wanted them to be there, not for their dress sense or fashion model credentials.

(Afore mentioned aunt really does not give a shiny shit about clothes or what she looks like. Dad mistook her for a bloke once! She utterly fab though,)

maddening · 11/08/2014 19:22

Is she dh sister or is bil dh's bro?

EElisavetaofBelsornia · 11/08/2014 19:23

I am wondering if your SIL is related to the child on another thread who didn't want other children to wear Elsa outfits to her Frozen party.

OpiesOldLady · 11/08/2014 19:37

I wore a black wedding dress - I obviously need to have a word with myself.

Mind, my MIL wore black leggings and a grey t shirt. Perhaps I should have a word with her too.

Thurlow · 11/08/2014 19:39

She's insane Shock

Seriously, in an attempt at maintaining some semblance of a family relationship, I'd say something that generally seemed quite apologetic but still getting a few points in there. Like how you're sorry if for some reason she didn't like what you wore to her wedding years ago but you have never heard of the suggestion that a woman shouldn't wear trousers to a wedding or that they shouldn't wear black or white.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 11/08/2014 19:41

I went to a Jewish wedding in black skinny JEANS and as far as I know, didnt ruin the wedding

Though come to think of it, the bride doesn't speak to me anymore....I thought it was because her husband is an idiot and doesnt like me...but maybe the jeans were the catalyst!

I did have a friend who went to her sil&bil wedding and turned up in the same dress as the BRIDE :o (beautiful teal monsoon dress as opposed to big white meringue)

Literally the most amusing moment in a v long time...and even the bride was highly amused friend was mortified :o

OnlyTheWelshCanCwtch · 11/08/2014 19:45

It wouldn't cross my mind not to wear trousers, I don't "do" dresses

Your SIL really needs to get a life/life

darkness · 11/08/2014 19:51

It has nothing to do with what you wore
its probably more like
" I hate her
hate hate hate her !
look at her being all perfect, with that perfect hair and that perfect husband
looking at out wedding photos
god i cant stand her
even the way she breaths is annoying,
and that laugh - if she laughs like that again I'm going to hit her..
of course I don’t want a drink - what a cow - pretending to be all nice - all lovely and perfect..that’s my wedding she's pointing at - look at her clothes ! its not fair - what was she wearing - its not right ! I hate what she's wearing - how am I not screaming at her....I just want to punch her....I just want to scream at her.... I just want to be....preegnannnnnnnnnnnnt !

or something like that

darkness · 11/08/2014 19:53

course it could be lots of other things - not the pregnant one - but I'd bet it wasnt the clothes.....

go to the bbq - be nice to her - you cant loose - she cant win...

weebarra · 11/08/2014 19:56

Oh no, of the eleven people (including me and DH) who were at our wedding, half were wearing trousers, including my DSis and SIL. But the blokes were wearing kilts and some people say they are like skirts, so maybe that's ok.

Tootssweet · 11/08/2014 20:04

Ooh is the charity BBQ this weekend because dsis is taking me to one on Saturday? I will sidling up to anyone I see in white linen trousers & a black halter neck - heck I might even wear that combo myself!
Her wedding was a while ago so I know that won't be her you offendedWink

CinderellaRockefeller · 11/08/2014 20:08

Did she really call you a dick?
I would avoid the BBQ unless your DH is definitely going then I would float along gorgeously (in trousers) and do a little head tilt and ask if she's feeling better now since her little...outburst?

HemlockStarglimmer · 11/08/2014 20:16

I've worn black trousers and white trousers to weddings before. No one seemed to mind. Teamed with a brightly coloured tunic and large hat I guess no one actually noticed my legs.

One of my bridesmaids wore trousers. It was that or she wasn't going to be a bridesmaid. Her comfort was more important to me than uniformity.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 11/08/2014 20:58

What a stupid bint she sounds!

Looking back I wore an awful pair of Sandals for my cousins wedding, she must have been furious but as yet she's not said anything.

I wouldn't be going to her BBQ as I'd feel uncomfortable and unsure of what she'd be likely to say next.

Bettycakes80 · 11/08/2014 21:05

Oh no 2 of my male friends wore shorts to our wedding, I had better go over and throw eggs at their house immediately. I mean it was abroad and 35oC, and it was over a year ago, but my eyes have now been openedGrin

ravenAK · 11/08/2014 21:08

I think I'd probably go if dh was set on going, simply because his presence & my absence could be interpreted as he was OK with SIL's little paddy & I was sulking over it...

I might go dressed as Cruella deVille complete with the hair though.

whatever5 · 11/08/2014 21:21

She sounds totally nuts/deranged. I don't blame you for now wanting to go to her event. I would just make up an excuse not to go nearer the time.

Joysmum · 11/08/2014 21:49

Did they send a thank you card for the wedding gift? If not remind her if the fact when you ring to ask for the dress code for the BBQ Grin

foslady · 11/08/2014 21:57

I struggle to remember what my own mother wore to my weddings and I picked out her outfits with her - well at least this means you made an impression!!!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/08/2014 22:13

Well I'm sorry but my DH wore trousers to our wedding he ruined it.

Goes off to LTB Immediately

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