To not go to this 'event'- SIL being a twat

[Amadeupname]

NC.

DP's brother got married three years ago. We don't have much to do with them apart from (approximately) monthly phone calls and we'll drop in if we're in their area and vice versa. We live about 50 miles apart.

They came over at the weekend and we randomly for another reason had some old photo albums out when they turned up. So we were looking through their wedding pictures and suddenly SIL got really funny with me. She didn't say anything but went all quiet and stopped looking and was really 'off' with me when I asked her if she wanted a drink, about work etc.

Later that night BIL called to say thanks for a nice afternoon and to apologise for SIL's mood. I said 'I hope it wasn't anything I'd done'. He said 'No, no, you know just one of those things'. I heard her in the background saying 'It was not one of those things' and she took the phone off him and basically had a massive go at me about how I'd ruined her wedding because (a) I'd worn trousers and (b) I'd worn black and white.

I didn't think she was particularly Bridezilla but maybe she was actually. I didn't say a word during the phone call (she just ranted at me) because I'm a grown woman and I'm not going to have a slanging match over the phone with another grown woman over what I chose to wear one day two years ago.

Anyway, SIL has arranged a charity BBQ thing near her house which we said we'd go to ages ago for moral support even though it's massively out of our way. I've now told DP I won't be going but he can go without me if he wants. He says I'm BU. I say I'm not. Am I?

I always thought it was bad luck to wear green to a wedding (at least that is what my Grandma said, along with not trusting men who wear suede shoes). Perhaps your SIL needs to have another look at the photos to see if anyone else has wronged her.

I got married in green. And my sil wore a cream trouser suit. OMG. Everyone must have thought she was the bride not me. Not sure who I can strop at about it all tho and it has been 13 years now...

wha-?

I blame the supermoon for such bonkers behaviour btw.

To have such anger 2 years after the event shows she is clearly unhinged. I would go to the BBQ to show solidarity to my DH and BIL. But I would also wear black linen trousers and a white halter neck just to mix it up a bit. Spend your time catching up with the rest of the family and keep out of her way.
Some of the dresses I have seen at weddings have been a bit so dresses really aren't the be-all-and-end-all at weddings.

Ridiculous! If your wedding is ruined by what anyone wears it wasn't much of a wedding, IMHO! Never mind the fact that what you wore was fine. Never mind the fact that she is still bitter and twisted about it two years on.

My son wore a black and white cow print onesie to my (ex) SIL's wedding. In his very slight defence he was only 6 weeks old at the time but I feel that on her behalf I should rake out the old photos and berate him soundly for his clearly insolent breach of wedding etiquette.

He also threw up on my dress early on in proceedings - which happened to be black and white as well, meaning I had to make a quick change. In light of this thread I now strongly suspect the bride may have put him up to that!

Green is unlucky at weddings?

That explains the horrified reaction from someone recently when we were talking about a wedding we'd attended and DP mentioned he'd worn a green shirt.

Never heard that before. and we aren't superstitious so wouldn't have made any difference even if we had. People can have such weird ideas!

YANBU, your SIL is bonkers! Although I'd definitely go with the option of turning up to the barbecue in the wedding outfit rather than not going at all - please, please do this and then come back and tell us all about it!

A friend of DH's wore a white dress to our wedding. Did I care? No - I had a wonderful day and was certainly too busy having a marvellous time to consider what other people were wearing!

You absolutely must go... wearing the same/similar outfit.

She sounds like very hard work! I feel sorry for your BIL as you can bet that if she throws tantrums over your attire then she gets worked up over a lot of things.

That said, I do tend to agree that wearing white and/or black to a wedding is one of those things to avoid, I'm surprised you weren't aware of this, I assumed it was common knowledge? I wouldn't have cared what people wore to my wedding though, as long as they attended and had a good time. I'd rather have my guests wear clothes that they feel they look good in rather than worry about the rules of wedding attire but many people still care about that stuff, hence I would avoid doing it myself.

hmmm i'm going to look at my wedding photos to see if there's someone i should be pissed off at.

and yes, i'd have as little to do with her from now on as possible, unless she has a lightbulb moment and apologises for being an incredible twat.

and don't go and support her for her bbq. unless you've got a zebra outfit.

Whats wrong with brown shoes & a blue suit?

Oh dear - I'm in big trouble then.

Friends wedding, I wore white trousers, with a black top.

Another friends wedding (middle of winter) I wore a long black dress and a white faux fur jacket (did get asked if I was a bridesmaid - lol).

Both brides said I looked lovely - and they looked amazing.

I reckon she only spied what you were wearing in that photo and that's what's given her the hump!

My BIL dad came to my reception and realised he'd left his shirt at home. Oh and my bridesmaid took my wedding dress back with her instead of her dress before our reception meaning a mad dash to get dressed 10 mins before it started.

Instead of laughing about it maybe I should have thrown a hissy fit

Over 20 years ago my SIL wore a lovely black and little bonkers.ite pant suit to my wedding. I remember her outfit exactly. Why? Because I had to wear a dress! A bloody dress. She looked so comfortable and trendy and cool. I was bloody roasting.

I'm going to have to have it out with her. Dammit. This thread has made me realise the level of resentment I have carried around all these years.
I think you should go to the BBQ op. Your SIL seems a little odd.

Totally go, totally wear wedding outfit and totally report back here afterwords.

BTW, YABU if you don't

Well, I thought I'd heard it all about wedding madness, but clearly not.

Umm. My SILs suit wasn't a little bonkers. Where the hell did that come from? Its made my post sound serious.
It was tongue in cheek. SIL looked fab.

No trousers?

I wore trouser suits to weddings in the 90s. I recall that masculine tailoring, brighter tops and strappy shoes were v. in at the time...

Anyway, I digress.

She sounds a bit unhinged. Honestly. I have friends (men and women) with fuck all dress sense (IMO - they might think the same about me). That is not why they are my friends. They'll still get a wedding invite.

Unless you specify rules (black tie / white tie / vicars and tarts / chicken costumes) then really, you can't complain if most people adhere to the unwritten rules, which IMO are 'dress smartly and don't wear a bridal gown / try to upstage the bride'.

Even still, 3 years and all that pent up vitriol? Unhinged.

Her wedding must have been really rubbish if you wearing the wrong clothes was enough to ruin it.

One of my wedding guests turned up in leggings and a t-shirt - it looked especially odd because her DH was kitted out in full formal Scottish dress. But I still managed to bravely enjoy my wedding despite her faux pas.

I think that unless a guest turns up wearing a wedding dress, it's OTT to.accuse them.of. ruining the wedding with their dress sense.

My sil wore a white trouser suit to my wedding. I thought she looked fab, but a few other people made snarky comments and were told to shut it. It was absolutely the least of my concerns.

Your sil sounds barking, I'd give her a wide berth wherever possible. She sounds the type to be permanently affronted about something.