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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why you'd get your baby's ears pierced?

215 replies

Slh122 · 11/08/2014 12:26

On an fb group I'm on there's a post about someone wanting to get her 4 month old's ears pierced. Apparently me asking why she would want to put her baby through pain and at risk of infection makes a 'judgemental bitch'.
AIBU to really not understand piercing a baby's ears?

OP posts:
indigo18 · 11/08/2014 15:55

Branleuse common among 'foreigners' and 'lower classes' egh!!!

I think it looks lovely and have many friends who have had their DD's ears pierced.

mijas99 · 11/08/2014 15:56

JellyStrawberries - yes there is a "cultural" justification for the examples I gave

There is also a justification for piercing baby girls' ears, it will make them look more beautiful (in the eyes of their mothers and some other members of society) and distinguish them from boys and in Spain (for example) it is traditional, and tradition means a lot here.

It's not something I agree with, but the justification is no more out of place than some of those I stated.

sebsmummy1 · 11/08/2014 16:04

I don't know how it is not body mutilation, you are making a permanent hole in someone's body. Just because the earring can be removed the hole will never completely disappear, even if the earring is removed immediately.

It hurts my head as to why you would choose to inflict pain on your baby when there is no benefit whatsoever beyond aesthetics. Sweeping culture to one side, why shouldn't a parent be judged for doing it? You are leaving yourself wide open to people having an opinion. Plus why is it acceptable to have babies sporting earrings and not nose rings or belly bars? Fuck it let's get their nipples pierced too.

ICanSeeTheSun · 11/08/2014 16:08

Having earrings does not effect a women at all, infact women wear earrings to job interviews, every day, to social events and on holidays. I know I have a few pairs and a few sets that matching braclets. The earrings can be taken out at any time.

It's ridiculous to compare to FGM and tattooing because those are permanent.

MorphineDreams · 11/08/2014 16:10

Therefore a mother letting a 10 year old get her ears pierced is as bad as a mother piercing her baby's ears. Which really isn't bad at all. It's just a parental choice, nothing more, nothing less

Rubbish, you can explain to a ten year old the problems that can occur and that it will hurt - then allow them to make a decision. You can't do that for a baby.

HollyGuacamolly · 11/08/2014 16:11

The earring can be taken out but the hole will still be there. Ear piercing is a permanent mutilation.

M27J5M · 11/08/2014 16:13

My niece got hers pierced at that kinda age, I didn't agree with it and didn't voice my opinions but my SIL said all girls in her family had it done at a young age, as babies that young don't remember pain and they do t touch/pull them! I still dont agree with it but my niece is nearly 3 and never touches earring or pulls at then etc and will happily sit to get earring changed/cleaned etc!

In saying that I still would never do it to any child if my own

MorphineDreams · 11/08/2014 16:14

My friend got hers done as a child and as she grew it moved, it ended up like in a really odd place - she laughs about it now

ADHDNoodles · 11/08/2014 16:28

Rubbish, you can explain to a ten year old the problems that can occur and that it will hurt - then allow them to make a decision. You can't do that for a baby.

Unless a 10 year old can walk into a piercing parlor and get her ears pierced on her own, it is your decision. Not hers. Her choice is an illusion you give yourself.

Also, to this mutilation you guys keep bringing up. Children in those villages choose to undergo the genital mutilation to become women. Are we going to say they have the ability to consent?

Children can either consent, or they can't. No middle ground. A child is still a child at 4 months as they are at 13.

Piercings are either such a huge deal that only adults should be allowed to mutilate their bodies and get a permanent hole in their ear, or they're such a non deal even children can choose to get them the same as they can choose their outfits to wear.

But to say that a 10 year old can choose to get a cute piercing, while a baby is getting mutilated is just stupid. Sorry, it is.

MorphineDreams · 11/08/2014 16:34

Of course it's still the adults decision, and I don't necessarily agree with allowing a ten year old either - but I think it's stupid (to use your word) to suggest a ten year old voicing her wants, knowing about the pain and potential risks is the same as a baby.

sweetnessandlite · 11/08/2014 16:55

I know when I had my ears pierced I couldn't sleep comfortably for about 2 months (it hurt every time I led on my side and put pressure on my ear).
Why would anybody inflict such discomfort on a baby? (especially when babies spend most of their time sleeping).

It should be against the law under a certain age.

sweetnessandlite · 11/08/2014 17:03

Chwarateg, well said:

I disagree with this whole "culture" excuse entirely. I had my ears pierced at 6 weeks old - all the girls in my family have it done when they are babies and I remember all my friends having their ears pierced when I was a child. So piercing babies ears is part of my culture but, fortunately for my daughter I have a fucking mind and brain of my own and despite pressure from older family members I have realised that putting holes in a baby for purely aesthetic reasons is seriously bad parenting.

You know what? Genital mutilation and slavery are part of some people's culture. It does mean that these practices aren't better off stopped.

I also don't understand why we aren't allowed to judge people about this. In lot of circumstances I can understand not judging the parenting decisions of others as what works for each child or family differs and we aren't armed with all the facts. Piercing a babies ears though is pretty straightforward isn't it? It's not best for any family or child. If you do it you are a shallow, thoughtless prat and you may as well have that tattooed on your head.

sweetnessandlite · 11/08/2014 17:05

And this:

For those saying it's cultural - FGM is also cultural, doesn't make it right.

Nerf · 11/08/2014 17:09

ADHD noodles, what a bizarre thought process. As children grow older they are given the freedom to make choices (hopefully within boundaries) and allowed a bit more freedom. With that, the choice to have socially 'normal' earrings isn't such a huge choice as maybe a belly piercing and so is acceptable, whereas a baby has no idea whatsoever of its surroundings, sartorial likes and dislikes and can't make a rational decision.

ICanSeeTheSun · 11/08/2014 17:37

Do you know, I have never met an adult who has ever complained about their parents having the ears pierced as children.

SistersOfPercy · 11/08/2014 18:18

And I was just thinking 'goodness, it's been over a week since someone started a thread on piercing babies ears' and up you pop.
Who'd have thunk it.

Nanny0gg · 11/08/2014 18:41

They're a bloody pain at school.

So many young children have them (boys included) who can't take them out and wear them on PE days so they have to be taped up.
Or they take them out and lose them.
Or they have them done not in the six weeks' holiday so they can't be taken out and have to be taped.
Or they have to miss swimming because they are totally banned in the pool.

Wait till they're old enough to deal with them themselves!

(I was 19!!)

PunkrockerGirl · 11/08/2014 18:41

Just why would you? And at the same time put some revolting headband round the bald babies head. Just gross.

Nanny0gg · 11/08/2014 18:43

I also don't understand why we aren't allowed to judge people about this

As far as I'm concerned we can judge people for what we like. Others are free to disagree.

And if ear-piercing is ok in a young child, why isn't belly-button piercing?

Nanny0gg · 11/08/2014 18:45

as babies that young don't remember pain

I love this argument! As babies are able to tell you! And just because they can't tell you 5 years on doesn't mean it didn't!

Is it only the memory of pain that matters, not the actuality of it?

lessthanBeau · 11/08/2014 19:03

I dont know anyone who has had a belly piercing that hasnt gone manky at some point, also the piercing studios are not allowed to do it on under 14s or 16s (I think there is some law?? with regards to any piercing that is done with a needle not a gun) I know I had to be with my 14yr dd when she had her upper ear pierced at a proper studio as opposed to claires.
I think manky ear piercings are in a very small minority, also how many girls have actually ever had earrings ripped out, its kind of like an urban myth we all know someone who knows someone but again its a tiny minority. (arent we now on a whole other debate here?)

MorphineDreams · 11/08/2014 19:46

I hate the 'they dont remember pain' point.

Y'know back in the day women were tied to beds and made to give birth in barbaric conditions with no-one there, no pain relief or care. They were given drugs to make them forget the pain, so no-one ever complained. So surely this is okay then 'because they don't remember'.

TheLovelyBoots · 11/08/2014 19:54

I hate to see it. Gilding the lily and all that.

ItWasMyOwnSilence · 11/08/2014 20:07

I don't get it either.

Why oh why would you intentionally inflict pain on your baby for something that serves no purpose other than making them 'look pretty' Hmm?

I think it looks vile and judge parents who get it done.

jellybeans · 11/08/2014 20:09

It doesn't bother me but i do think it looks a bit tacky (sorry!). My girls were about 10 and 12 but i would have let them about 7 up probably.