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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this girl's behaviour was odd and slightly rude?

174 replies

queenforaday · 08/08/2014 16:12

Earlier today I was out shopping with my DS (13) who has special needs. Because of this special needs he is quite immature and younger than his years.

Around lunchtime we called into Starbucks for a drink and a bite to eat. We got served quickly as it was actually oddly quiet (was expecting it to be busy) but there was only another three tables occupied. We'd been sitting for a couple of minutes when a teenage girl came in, about 17 or 18 I'd say, with an older man (who I presume was her dad). The dad ordered his drinks at the till whilst the girl found a seat and sat down. She wasn't sitting that far from us - only about two tables along iyswim but we were sitting quite a distance from the till and counter.

My DS was obviously distracted by this because before I had a chance to stop him he got up and walked over to the girl and started talking to her - nothing sinister, just saying "hi" and "hello" however the girl simply glanced up, didn't say anything then looked back down again. My DS started talking to her again but by this point I was over there myself and was gently guiding him back over to our table. As I was guiding him over I apologised to the girl however she didn't acknowledge this or say anything and instead got up and went to sit upstairs instead Shock. I don't think her dad realised what had happened because he followed her over to her seat upstairs about a minute later.

I've been thinking about it since I got home and I think it was weird. My DS was upset by it too as he asked later why she wouldn't talk to him. I mean I get that not everyone wants to get along with my son which is fine but I've always found that most people have been happy to at least say "hi" back to him. Which he is usually happy with and leaves them alone after that.

Sad
OP posts:
PlacidApricots · 08/08/2014 16:13

Not everyone has to speak to your kid, sorry yabu

Original poster
queenforaday · 08/08/2014 16:14

But it wouldn't have hurt her just to say "hi" back would it? How hard would that be? I wasn't expecting her to have full conversation with him.

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 08/08/2014 16:15

At that age I'd expect she's shy or even felt a little intimidated....I don't think her reaction was in anyway 'weird' or odd tho

JennyOnTheBlocks · 08/08/2014 16:15

maybe she didn't want to talk?

maybe she couldn't understand your DS if she didn't speak english?

maybe she was unbelievably sad and was holding it all in?

maybe she had SN too?

Heels99 · 08/08/2014 16:15

Sorry you are upset by this, I don't think she was rude not to chat to a stranger or move tables though. Teens can feel self conscious or not confident in communicating with strangers.

HeySoulSister · 08/08/2014 16:16

Saying 'hi' back is usually a prompt for a conversation op.... People don't always want to be bothered. They just don't.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/08/2014 16:16

She was a teenager, they don't all have fully-developed social skills and some are terrified of not looking cool.

I'm sorry your DS was upset, try not to take it to heart.

Heels99 · 08/08/2014 16:17

I wonder if your son could be helped not to approach strangers as it could put him at risk?

Pipbin · 08/08/2014 16:17

Maybe she has SN?

TheFairyCaravan · 08/08/2014 16:17

There are so many reasons why she might not have wanted to talk to him. Perhaps she was having one of those days that had she have spoken she would have burst in to tears.

Fudgeface123 · 08/08/2014 16:18

Not rude at all, she did nothing wrong. I've got up and moved when young kids have attempted to engage me in conversation etc. But then I don't particularly like kids??

lizzzyyliveson · 08/08/2014 16:18

She probably only registered 'boy talking to me' and went all shy. She wouldn't have realised his age or SN. Some teenage boys are very persistent and girls do learn to put their heads down and ignore.

whattheseithakasmean · 08/08/2014 16:18

YABU - the girl did not want to talk to your son. Maybe she was shy and intimidated? Maybe he scared her? Who knows her reasons, but really, she is not unreasonable to want to be able to sit at a table undisturbed by strangers approaching her.

WeirdCatLady · 08/08/2014 16:21

So the girl was sitting by herself, a stranger comes over and starts talking her and has to be pulled away. She moves. And you say SHE is odd and rude? YABVU

I realise that YOU know your son was just being friendly but SHE doesn't.

JenniferJo · 08/08/2014 16:23

Perfectly normal teenage girl behaviour. YABU.

Purpleroxy · 08/08/2014 16:23

Yabu. I hate it when strangers interfere with me. I would have left.

FloatIsRechargedNow · 08/08/2014 16:23

Sorry your ds was hurt but unfortunately as some other posters have said, all teenagers and quite a few adults too don't know how to respond when presented with the 'forward approach' that is common in people with SN.

Take heart by the people that do respond kindly. And as you were intervening anyway I don't think you need any help with not placing your son at risk.

Finola1step · 08/08/2014 16:26

If this had happened to me at 17, I would have probably done the same as her.

She's only young herself. Maybe she'd had a rough day, maybe not. She's got every right to get up and move if she feels uncomfortable. It is up to her to judge whether she is comfortable in a situation, no one else.

OhMyActualDays · 08/08/2014 16:26

These situations embarrass some teenagers very much and they are unable to reply or do anything much really. I think YABU to expect someone to talk to your son if they don't want to.

Deftones · 08/08/2014 16:26

YABU, I dislike being interrupted for conversation. She wasn't rude, she was clear in her actions that she didn't want to engage

MrsAtticus · 08/08/2014 16:27

YANBU I think she was rude not to acknowledge either you or your son, even if it was just a smile or a 'no problem'.

DurhamDurham · 08/08/2014 16:28

Who knows why the girl behaved in this way, as others have said there could be a multitude of reasons. She may be shy, deaf, have SN's, not understand English, be rude, or have just been in a bad/sad mood. The point is if your son is going to approach strangers he will have to get used to that fact that not everyone wants to chat or even says hello. Lots of people will but it can't be expected.

guitarosauras · 08/08/2014 16:29

My 13 y/o ds is autistic and is very immature and unaware of boundaries.

His sister is a year older and very understanding of SN as she's her brothers sister iyswim. However I wouldn't expect other teens to be as aware.

To this girl your son was a stranger, a boy stranger (shock, horror!), don't take it personally. She obviously just didn't want to respond, maybe be was shy/scared etc.

Maybe one day your ds will bump into someone like my dd who won't be shy or scared and will ask about minecraft/ his day or whatever!

Missunreasonable · 08/08/2014 16:30

I have a son with SN and I think you are being very unreasonable. Some people don't want to talk to strangers whether they have SN or not. Perhaps you should supervise your son better so he doesn't approach strangers and get upset when they don't respond in the way he wants. The poor girl probably didn't know how to respond.

Brummiegirl15 · 08/08/2014 16:31

I honestly don't think there is anything in it. She was a teenage girl - they can be quite anti social at the best of times!

She probably thought "why are you speaking to me"

I know you think your son wasn't going rude, but she doesn't know that.

I think you are being a little bit unfair.