To be annoyed that i have come home to find BIL in my sitting room

[trufflehunterthebadger]

BIL and SIL live with us. They pay £500 per month for 2 rooms, bathroom, bills and dinner every day. Which is cooked for them. They have their own living room with tv, sky, x box etc. we have a living room downstairs which is our living room

I have been on a course this evening and was looking forward to lying on the sofa in my pants with cava watching some tv. I find that DBIL has covered my living room in his ironing and has just started watching a film. I am now really fucked off because i will either have to go to my bedroom or i will have to ask him to move as i (a) have things i need to do in the living room (b) don't want to watch what he is watching. This is a constant source of irritation but DH does not seem to care, jsut says i should ask him to move. I don't want to do this, i am fed up with it and i always feel rude asking

To put it into perspective we also have 4 foreign students and a 4 year old so quiet time is very rare for me. AIBU to expect that DBIL should be watching his own tv in his own lounge, not preventing me from watching mine or having to be asked to vacate

how big is your house!!!?

He is being a bit presumptuous, especially as he has his own living room.

However, why don't you just ask him to move?

Sounds like you're running a hotel, OP!

You need to make it clear that they have their sitting room and you have yours. Tackle him when he's not sat on your sofa though!!

Massive ! Big edwardian job, 5 double bedrooms plus dining room which is currently a triple bedroom

You NEED to say, could you move to your sitting room. He is currently ignorant (or can claim ignorance) of your upset as you haven't told him.

There are two words which may help.

Second one being "off"

Ok, scratch that. His rudeness in invading your space, would surely out weigh any rudeness you feel at asking him to move. Perhaps be a bit less politemore clear about his space & your space?

Ask him to move! Cheeky fecker.

Lego, i'm fed up of having to ask. It makes me feel like the bad guy, i still feel as if they are guests

I would hate that. YANBU.
Why should you have to keep saying it. It makes a big chore out of just wanting to sit on your sofa.

That's infuriating. Have you asked him why he cannot do this in his own living room? Most people renting rooms don't have an additional living room they can use as and when it suits them, and your husband should be ensuring that they don't encroach into your space when you aren't there - even if it doesn't bother him, it bothers you and he should have your back. Can you introduce a penalty system so that he things twice about depositing himself in your space?

bloodman it does feel like that at times - i work in a hotel as well !

Put a big sign on the door?

Tell him there will have to be a price increase if he insists on using another (not previously specified as covered by the £500 rent) room in the house. Maybe a further £500 would cover it.

Just one word is enough "Out" - be the bad guy, they rent their space, not yours.

Or ask him to put a price in his use of your space and increase the rent!

Be the bad guy and tell your DH what you explained in your OP - you get so little quiet time you don't need BIL making difficult for you to relax. He needs to stay out of your space, forever, and DH needs to ensure it happens.

To be fair, i'm not going to say anything tonight. I was messaging DH (who is away so the no tv is doubly annoying as i rarely get the opportunity to watch what i want) who always thinks i am just intolerant.

I am an only child and my family is very different to DHs family who are always in each others pockets. I think that is why he thinks IABU

Dh also doesn't understand why i don't just tell him to piss off, forgetting that i don't have a "bossy big brother" relationship with DBIL.

I don't understand why you simply can't tell him to leave?

Otherwise, get a lock fitted to your living room door.

Can you use BIL's living room for tonight instead?

I would HATE that. He his taking advantage of the whole situation. Could u just plonk on your sofa feet up, take the remote and say really nicely oh tonight Is my favourite night of the week, it's when x y or z is on the tv! Can NOT wait to see it!
Bring in a big smelly curry, to stink up his precious laundry and knock a bottle of red back carefully accidentally dropping few drops on his clothes! Oh Noooo!
He feck off soon I guess -hope-

For the last time, i hate having to ask him to leave. I feel uncomfortable doing it, i still feel as if they are guests and as if i am being rude and intolerant

OP, you have GOT to sort this out. You're being ridiculous. You need to say really firmly, "Please move all your things out of here. This is my room. You have your own room. Do it now." You are being your own worst enemy at the moment.

And i bought myself some wine to enjoy when i got in

You say you don't want to ask him to leave. Then don't. But you don't have to make him comfortable there either.