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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that i have come home to find BIL in my sitting room

80 replies

trufflehunterthebadger · 06/08/2014 23:02

BIL and SIL live with us. They pay £500 per month for 2 rooms, bathroom, bills and dinner every day. Which is cooked for them. They have their own living room with tv, sky, x box etc. we have a living room downstairs which is our living room

I have been on a course this evening and was looking forward to lying on the sofa in my pants with cava watching some tv. I find that DBIL has covered my living room in his ironing and has just started watching a film. I am now really fucked off because i will either have to go to my bedroom or i will have to ask him to move as i (a) have things i need to do in the living room (b) don't want to watch what he is watching. This is a constant source of irritation but DH does not seem to care, jsut says i should ask him to move. I don't want to do this, i am fed up with it and i always feel rude asking

To put it into perspective we also have 4 foreign students and a 4 year old so quiet time is very rare for me. AIBU to expect that DBIL should be watching his own tv in his own lounge, not preventing me from watching mine or having to be asked to vacate

OP posts:

Nomama · 06/08/2014 23:31

But would you accept this from any of your other paying tenants?

Stop being a wuss, everyone else, including your DH is telling you to throw him out.... so throw him out. He can carry on believing he doesn't know you don't like him being there - especially with your DH being away, cheeky bastard - until you tell him he is invading your privacy, get out out!

So tell him.

Nomama · 06/08/2014 23:31

He's not still in there is he?

That really would be taking the mickey!

Original poster

trufflehunterthebadger · 06/08/2014 23:32

Just went in to say i was going to watch gbbo and he was just going lol

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 06/08/2014 23:33

Well, jeez, you're asking for advice then saying you feel uncomfortable asking bil to leave?? Then, dur, what do you expect? Either put up with it or ask him to leave! Your options are limited....

Original poster

trufflehunterthebadger · 06/08/2014 23:35

I know you all think i'm being pathetic but i did think maybe it was me being unreasonable. Now it is clear that none of you would like it much i feel less inhospitable and rude asking him to move or doing what i was planning and saying "i was planning on watching xxx"

OP posts:

Fairylea · 06/08/2014 23:38

Why is he in your room when he has a room of his own?

I'd just be really annoying and turn the tv over without even asking him. It's your room after all. ....

ZweiPfennig · 06/08/2014 23:38

You don't have to explain anything. It's YOUR living room. He doesn't rent that. Just kick him out.

Put a lock on the door too. And on any other private rooms. Who knows where else he may have been invading? He is taking the p because he's family.

Nomama · 06/08/2014 23:40

When you are wide awake, have a chat with him and ask him if he realised that you spent the evening in your bedroom ONLY because he chose your living room to relax in?

Make him consider his actions... he really may not have thought it through, especially if, as you say, DHs family are that close.

But do start throwing him out of your space on a regular basis and telling him to stay out... no explanations required, just say "out".

SpringItOn · 06/08/2014 23:45

Go and get in his bed and eat toast and digestive biscuits

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 06/08/2014 23:46

Go into his living room tomorrow night and make yourself comfy. Maybe he'll get the hint.

Or change the channel to something that would make him uncomfortable and laugh hysterically at it while picking your nose

Sounds like a handful in your massive house OP, is feel sorry for you if I wasn't so jealous

On a serious note it's your DHs brother, he needs to say something to him, not you

IAmNotAMindReader · 06/08/2014 23:47

If this annoys you so much but you feel you cannot broach it, fit a lock to your living room door and make sure none of their stuff is in there.

CafeAuLaitMerci · 06/08/2014 23:53

Right, I understand you feel uncomfortable asking him to leave when he's settle in there, so, tomorrow you need to talk to him & tell him that the sitting room is your private space that it is not included in the deal and it's not for anyone else's use other than you, your DH & your DD unless specifically invited. Make it VERY clear.

I couldn't live how you are living (I like my own space FAR too much) but if I had to/chose to , him being in there would be the final straw!

TheFirmament · 06/08/2014 23:54

But why is he there, I don't understand when he has his own living space? I totally understand how you feel OP, I would hate this too and would find it hard to say anything. But he's really out of order. Can he really not imagine that you might like to enjoy your own living room in peace and watch your own choice of TV? Where is SIL? Does she do this too?

You need to develop a thick enough skin to breeze in and say "Oh hi I am going to watch xxxx now on my own, see you later, don't forget your ironing." But if you just can't, then yes get a lock. It's not on.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 07/08/2014 00:12

You are being unreasonable NOT to tell him get out. I know you shouldn't have to ask but you clearly do as he's not getting the message so just tell him jog on.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 07/08/2014 00:15

The OP isn't comfortable with telling him to leave, she's said that, it's not easy for everyone to do, so think any suggestions of "tell him to leave" are a bit unhelpful. The lock idea is good I think, blame it on wanting the students to stay out!

gamerchick · 07/08/2014 00:17

Yes, time to fit locks. You can get decent internal ones that have this circle type key to open. Hammer the message home type of thing.

TurnOverTheTv · 07/08/2014 00:30

I really can't understand why he wasn't in his own sitting room. Was your SIL in there watching something? Did you even ask him?

Patrickstarisabadbellend · 07/08/2014 00:33

Unplug the iron and tell him off you fuck.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 07/08/2014 00:37

Christ almighty, what a pisstaker.

Get a lock for the door if you want to avoid confrontation .

greeneggsandjam · 07/08/2014 00:40

If his brother never says anything to him about it, has it ever been mentioned to him that he has a living room and shouldn't go in to your without being invited or was it just assumed that he would get it?

TrickoftheMind · 07/08/2014 00:43

It sounds like you would be happier if you got a smaller house and dispensed with the astounding number of interlopers lodgers. Quite frankly, as I would be.
Who's idea is this peculiar way to live?

Johnogroats · 07/08/2014 01:02

At least BIL is paying rent. Mine has been staying 2-4 night a week for 18 months GRATIS, but hasn't exactly demonstrated much gratitude. He's been given his marching orders...but we were pathetically slow about it. He's earning nearly £100k and we've had a crate of wine.

OP I get you. My sympathies!

HappySeaTurtles · 07/08/2014 01:51

They pay rent and are family. I think that's criteria enough to act like family and be bossy like any other sister would be. :)

If it were my brother, I'd swat him over the head and tell him to get out. Or on my more reasonable days, I'd just turn off the movie and put my own DVD in. He could stay or leave for all I cared.

But stop feeling bad about telling him what to do. He's not a guest. It's your house. You need to be assertive and sort out a good living situation.

Optimist1 · 07/08/2014 05:24

It seems that the lines between having them as guests in your house and having them as paying lodgers have become very blurred. I'm not sure how long they've been with you, OP, but could you suggest a discussion between the four of you about how the current arrangement is working for you all? Arm yourself with some positive things to say, but make sure you tell them that losing "private" space is something that you're struggling with. You could even use yesterday's events as an example. Perhaps suggest that you wait for invitations to enter each others' quarters. Given that you've got so many people living under your roof it's not unreasonable for you to have spaces that are exclusively yours.

Surfsup1 · 07/08/2014 05:48

It seems that BIL feels that you all live in one big household to which he "contributes". Somehow or another you REALLY need to make your position clear. Either you need to muster the courage to confront him (or SIL if that's easier) or your DH has to or you need to put up a sign or a lock.

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