To think a newborn needs its mother to focus on him/her?

[Thruaglassdarkly]

Ok, this is going to sound such a troll post and I wish it were, but sadly it's not.
My friend had a baby 3 months ago, but has since decided to be poly-amorous with a guy she met on a website a month ago. She is married and he has a long term partner. Both their partners are aware they recently met up for a rather fun filled weekend. She's fallen head-over-heels for this guy and he her. All parties are consensual to this very unconventional arrangement.
The whole thing blows my mind, but each to their own and as long as they are all in agreement.
But here is the big thing for me....a 3 month old baby! She seems so caught up in this guy and this new arrangement, and I am just being horribly judge-y in my head, thinking why are you not focused on your newborn at this stage???? She is now putting shout outs on Facebook to ask someone to babysit the baby for an afternoon and night, whilst she goes out with both of her men to a fetish fair - obviously she doesn't want to ask her family, as they will disapprove of her lifestyle.
Ugh, she's my friend and I care about her. I should just leave her to it, right? I've not said anything to her, just feeling a bit frustrated in my head about it.

I for one feel very sad that op will never use mn again

What a terrible loss to our little community [sadface]

I am OUTING you as a massive bullshitter.

OUTING I tell you.

I do love the open minds you get on here...

Crikey.

@ " admin? Please delete" you dont call that shot on MN pet. Stroppy mares beware- your words remain eternally there. (That rhymes!)

I thought you were right to be concerned from the first post to be honest..

I missed the deleted posts. :(

Are you actually going to contact social services OP?

Sorry Ladies, I lost it last night. I shouldn't have used that language. I realise that sharing stuff on here is not the best idea, as the story always ends up being much bigger and more complicated than it originally starts off as being when you try to keep it simple, as I did.

I don't like people misinterpreting my motives, when I am genuinely concerned for the whole family. Those who accused me grossly of wanking over the situation (ugh!) or having a boring life myself, well, they have no idea about me or who I am, so meh.

I'm going to see how things go with her now. Thanks to all those who were supportive and to those who did think I was being unreasonable but who said so politely.

I'm another one who agreed with you from the off OP!

'Narrow little suburbian minds', I live in a flat in a city but I think this is all a bit wrong and would think she's extremely selfish or ill. At three months your priority should be with your baby not satisfying your sexual desires. That's not to say you shouldn't have sex but prioritising your 3 month old over your sex life does not make you a fucking 'martyr'. Equally SGB, I fail to see how discovering that you can have sex with whips and handcuffs makes you 'interesting' and how essentially, 'sex' can be a hobbie- it is still just sex!

It has nothing to do with what happened a decade ago with ML- it is called progress with the extension of ML, it's an anti-feminist statement to say otherwise I mean why the hell do you think there were times when ML didn't exist? Because men dominated the workplace with the view that maternity provision was not necessary!

eye-roll

Narrow minded suburban minds.

It's not about the sex itself. It's about the behaviour of the friend and how it's affecting the baby.

But apparently a woman having kinky sex trumps all else. Yay feminism!

If this women was doing BDSM kinky stuff with her husband/partner there wouldn't be an issue.

Quite right her sex life and her parenting should be kept seperate.

Well, quite I Can. It's not the type of sex people are objecting to - that was a drip feed anyway. It's the going off for weekends and developing an obsession with another man who she found on the internet, potentially at the expense of bonding with her new baby and also jeopardizing her marriage. People think she's prioritising this bloke over the baby and they think that this,early on, baby should come first.

I agree with them and I wouldn't think much of a brand new father who disappeared off for golf weekends that he'd unilaterally decided on taking. Sex with strangers is riskier physically and emotionally - and from the start, it was the emotional bond that was worrying the OP - than golf (though personally, I'd be inflicting more bruises with golf clubs than a kinky sex session could on my husband if he'd developed a sudden interest in that two months after our first baby) so it's more concerning.

However, this is obviously a very polarised issue and the people who don't see a problem won't understand those who do and vice versa. Hence the feelings running so high!

Update:

Ok, tonight I had a heated debate with f**king selfish friend (as I now thinK of her). She is obsessed still with the guy who beats her. Says her kid will be better off with her unemployed husband and her retired mother as she has nothing to give it and just wants visitor rights.

Unemployed husband is livid.

I shall be contacting SS after all.

Sorry, let me rephrase that - her mum is not yet retired, but she now expects her to retire early to look after her kid.

Jesus, even I have limits over the kind of people I will befriend and this is taking the piss.l

Not getting enough attention today. OP? Sudden desire to throw something else into the mix?

SGB - I wish you wouldn't dismiss this mess as some sort of attention seeking freak show hun :(....Just concerned for this cocked up situation is all.
God, I wish it were made up, lol...Sadly it's real and I have to face some real choices.

I don't want to fight you SGB, ok? lol

You've forgotten to imply or claim that this woman is also into drug abuse and benefit fraud, BTW.

Contact her HV rather than SS, with a history of mental health she might well be suffering from severe PND and is going through a manic stage. The sooner it is treated the better.

Quite that people think it's feminist for this woman to make herself the sex toy of a stranger and can't see that a massive change in behaviour like this post baby is a sign of PND above anything else.

Thanks, and I will.
SGB - she has never claimed benefit nor has ever drug abused. Just displayed an alarming lack of concentration for her child and a very sudden antipathy for her baby daddy.

Shit, I wish you got it.

Is it a social services issue tho? If the baby is being looked after? Surely her husband should be speaking to the health visitor about potential PND or whatever, but you can't really report a parent for being absent

What I am confused about is the bit where social services intervened at birth and you somehow got involved.

You must have contact details from them, an assigned social worker?