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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it might be true that most people dislike weddings?

146 replies

TheRealAmandaClarke · 03/08/2014 07:50

Or have become a grumpy old woman? Grin

(I know the truth btw, I'm not offended)

I think its a fairly recent thing and probably related to the "modern" high expectations from B&G about their day, spiralling costs which the B&G usually pay for themselves, and large guest lists/ geographical spread of families and friends which make overnight stays a neccessity.

I don't think there was so much angst about wedding in the past (apart from the ever present family politics issues iyswim).

Have we lost all sense of reason with our weddings? So many threads raise issues about children at weddings (almost always a cost factor to not invite them and often a problem for guests), overseas weddings dictating the family holiday for that year, expensive overnight stays in remote hotels (oops Blush), requests for money.......

I honestly think that it didn't used to be that bad. And more people were content with a modest celebration with family and friends, that suited their budget, rather than giant disney princess, magazine cover, tattler style events that we all seem to need. And the cost affects the couple and all their guests with much grumbling for some time.

Am i unreasonable to suggest this?
Am i alone?

OP posts:
Squeegle · 03/08/2014 07:53

YANBU to suggest there can be too much hype, but I think you're being a bit U to suggest we all hate them. I'm quite excited to be going to a wedding later this yearSmile

BravePotato · 03/08/2014 08:00

I like weddings, they are fun

wigglesrock · 03/08/2014 08:00

I love weddings, especially child free ones, but then again I have absolutely no qualms about declining invitations that don't suit.

My husband has been to 2 weddings abroad that I didn't go to, it was awkward timing and we didn't have the money for all of us to go, but one flight we could afford and accommodation wasn't dear. I'm going to one next year without him and the kids.

MrsDavidBowie · 03/08/2014 08:01

They bore me to death.
Thank god everyone I know is married or will never go through it again.

KoalaDownUnder · 03/08/2014 08:02

probably related to the "modern" high expectations from B&G about their day

It's this.

Personally, I love a good wedding. I enjoy choosing a present, getting dressed up, and seeing everyone so happy.

BUT, I loathe and detest the whole 'It's MYYYYY day' phenomenon. People have really lost perspective on just how huge their wedding day is, in the grand scheme of things. It's ONE day in your life. And the people you are inviting also have their own lives, priorities, financial and work commitments, etc.

I think the modern wedding industry has turned the whole thing into a circus of consumerism, and people's expectations have become totally warped as a result.

IrenetheQuaint · 03/08/2014 08:03

I enjoy them when I get there (bar the three hours of hanging around making small talk before the food appears), but they're often an enormous hassle.

MrsBungle · 03/08/2014 08:04

I love weddings and do not encounter the hysteria in real life that appears on here. I've been to loads of child-free weddings and loads where the couple have asked for money. Loads in expensive hotels in the sticks. And loads that have children or are cheaper. None of them whatsoever have caused anyone I know of going to have any angst. If it doesn't suit, I (and all my non-angsty friends) don't go!

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 03/08/2014 08:04

I love weddings, they are one of the highlights of my year. What is not to enjoy about a big party with people I love?

That said, I don't have family and friends with insane expectations and have never encountered mad demands on guests to fly to tropical islands without their newborn babies and buy diamond encrusted toasters for the couple after bankrupting themselves on a month's safari for the stag and hen dos. The weddings I've attended have all been fairly low key, warm and happy celebrations.

Siennasun · 03/08/2014 08:05

I love weddings. The only thing I don't like is if there is a church service. Otherwise it's just a big party celebrating with friends. As pp, if it's inconvenient or I don't want to go for any reason I just decline the invitation.
I do think there is too much moaning about weddings on mn which is not something I've come across in RL.

Purplepoodle · 03/08/2014 08:06

I love a wedding

ImogenQuy · 03/08/2014 08:07

YANBU. I like going to the ceremony and seeing my friends get married, but hate hanging about for hours while someone takes 5000 photos, then being split up from all my friends and put on a table of people I don't know to make strained conversation over lukewarm chicken and unidentifiable sauce.

I know I'm being a grump, but I've been to rather a lot like that. I have a miserable time and I know it's costing the couple a fortune.

PittTheYounger · 03/08/2014 08:07

As you get older they get boring I think. Hanging around waiting forever for everything

sooperdooper · 03/08/2014 08:09

I love a good wedding but I'm lucky enough to have friends and family who don't fall into the nonsense of 'wanting to be a princess for the day' and losing all perspective on what it's about!

Completely agree that the wedding industry has meant that a lot of people fall into the consumerism trap of thinking they can't get married without taking out a second mortgage and turning it into a circus

magpiegin · 03/08/2014 08:13

I love weddings too. I'm lucky that none of my friends made a huge fuss and all the ones I have been to seem to have been enjoyed by everyone.

meddie · 03/08/2014 08:13

I used to love weddings, now they are just a big financial drain. When i was younger weddings usually took place in the local church then reception was at a nearby community hall, or in rooms above a pub etc. There was no overseas hen do's, no need to travel and stay overnight. Party was relaxed with a mix of music to suit all ages and they were fun. No cash poems, just a sensible list.They were inclusive of all members of the family from newborn to elderly and they were a big family celebration.
Some of the best weddings I have been to were low budget ones, were people chipped in to provide a cake or photographic services or catering for the evening buffet. They were a real community celebration.
now they feel to 'commercial' and planned to the enth degree and often really tedious not to mention expensive if its a destination wedding. I dread them now.

Only1scoop · 03/08/2014 08:14

I'm off to one soon....understated and classy....an old friend no grabbiness....quite the opposite ....even paid for rooms in advance and asked us if we wanted to bring dd....we said 'no' Grin

maddening · 03/08/2014 08:17

I like a wedding up to the evening do - I hate a disco but enjoy it if I know a few people and can sit and chat in the bar.

generally though it's all a bit tedious and samey and would rather be somewhere else.

happystory · 03/08/2014 08:18

Weddings can be good if you know the couple really well and therefore usually know lots of the guests too. Throw in a nice location and a sunny day and that can be very enjoyable. The worst weddings are colleagues, you know virtually no one and feel like a spare part most of the time. But at least you can usually go home to your own bed!

BravePotato · 03/08/2014 08:20

Imogen, yes the one thing I don't get is being split up from friends.

Went to a wedding recently where All the friends from Uni were spread up over all the tables.

It could have been so much fun, instead I sat next to an uncle who talked exclusively about his allotment and a neurotic woman who talked about how men cannot resist her , and then chatted up DH until she figured he was married.LOL.

If we had sat with our friends it would gave been more fun, but bride said she split us up as she did not want there to be 1 fun table and thought there could have been too much laughing (noise) , weird when you think about it. Heaven forbid people enjoying themselves! Anyway, apart from dinner it was still fun.

I prefer weddings with no seating plans but they are very rare now.

hollie84 · 03/08/2014 08:21

I love the weddings I have been to, but

  • in my circle they are not so frequent that every summer weekend is taken up with them
  • they tend to be low key and local
  • it doesn't mean spending loads of money on new clothes, travel, hotels etc.
LoveBeingInTheSun · 03/08/2014 08:21

Io e weddings and do t get invited to enough

ShyGirl1001 · 03/08/2014 08:23

I love weddings, but dislike the over commercialisation of them. They day should be about two people coming together before friends and family (and God if that's what they believe in), not about having the best venue or most expensive cake or whatever.

I'm blessed that most of my friends have had low key, good fun days, regardless of whether they spent a lot or a little.

Table arrangements bug me, but having been there I know how hard it is. I also don't like being asked to give cash gifts for honeymoons, or being asked to give cash and later being told it got spent on s meal out on honeymoon... But maybe that's just me, as we could only afford a UK honeymoon and would never have dreamt of asking for money for it.

combust22 · 03/08/2014 08:26

You are not alone. I can't stand weddings. Many girls and young women get excited about weddings even before they have a man.

It's all this princess/ fairy story clap trap I hate, dressing up like a meringue, happy ever after/knight/being rescued/ surrendering to a knight in shining armour shite I detest.
And a horrible thing to aspire to.

Sticks in my throat.

We have a 50% divorce rate in the UK.

happystory · 03/08/2014 08:27

Ha brave imagine the bride and groom sitting down one evening to work out the seating plan based on who will be really really bored by each other so that the reception can go ahead in stilted conversation ! A day of joy indeed

Kundry · 03/08/2014 08:28

I love the idea of weddings but going to an actual wedding is often incredibly dull.

At the last one I went to we spent 3 hours hanging around while the B&G had their photos done and guests got increasingly restive. When we finally thought we were going into eat we were stuck in a receiving line for an hour and a half! Note to all prospective bride and grooms: we have met you before and you are not the royal family Angry

Also being asked to give you money for an oil painting because you had everything you needed was a nice way of pointing out you are richer than us. Thanks for that Angry Angry