To think it might be true that most people dislike weddings?

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Or have become a grumpy old woman?

(I know the truth btw, I'm not offended)

I think its a fairly recent thing and probably related to the "modern" high expectations from B&G about their day, spiralling costs which the B&G usually pay for themselves, and large guest lists/ geographical spread of families and friends which make overnight stays a neccessity.

I don't think there was so much angst about wedding in the past (apart from the ever present family politics issues iyswim).

Have we lost all sense of reason with our weddings? So many threads raise issues about children at weddings (almost always a cost factor to not invite them and often a problem for guests), overseas weddings dictating the family holiday for that year, expensive overnight stays in remote hotels (oops ), requests for money.......

I honestly think that it didn't used to be that bad. And more people were content with a modest celebration with family and friends, that suited their budget, rather than giant disney princess, magazine cover, tattler style events that we all seem to need. And the cost affects the couple and all their guests with much grumbling for some time.

Am i unreasonable to suggest this?
Am i alone?

Maybe i have outgrown the,.
I still feel a bit miffed about my own. I thought we were being modest and considerate but i do see that ppl made considerable effort to come. There are things i wish i had done differently, not for me, but for the guests.
Tbh. I like the church/ reg office then party in a hall idea. It just seems very outdated now.
I wish we could go back to the time before wedding magazines were so prolific iykwim.
And the sitting about, and having to leave your kids at home and talk to ppl you dont know

I like the "home made" ones, done on a budget and with creativity. One of my favourites was a registry office followed by a picnic in the local park.

your wedding sounds fab except the quiz at the table I'd hate that Can't you sit people together who are friends or make it less formal so people don't have to get to know each other at the table?

We tend to have quite small groups of friends, but lots of little groups, so we'll have to sit people who don't know each other together although everyone will know someone and we won't purposefully split up groups of people who know each other.

Me and dp met on a game and spend lots of our free time playing games, as do lots of our friends, so that was where the idea of the quiz came from, it's more questions about the cultures which are fairly different rather than what is the queens cousin's dog's name sort of questions, it is optional though!

See, as I get older, I enjoy weddings more, but that might be because my friendship groups and family are increasingly spread out, so we don't all get together at the same time often. Weddings rarely are about the B&G anymore to me, more a chance to get together with which ever group they are part of - and I do feel cheated by a small wedding where only some of the group /family are there...

Ikea - a tip I was given by someone who hosted regular work event dinners, if you have a lot of tables were people don't all know each other, pick one person from each table, someone older or just very sociable, and ask them if they would mind being the unofficial "host" of the table, tell them about the others on the table, who knows noone, who's a little shy round people they don't know - ask them to not be too obvious about it, but would they make sure they are all involved in the conversation.

It does really work - if you've been asked to do it, most will rise to the occasion, even if they aren't good at this sort of thing naturally.

woodland yes i am.

goth that does sound nice.
Simplicity is underrated.

Well, if my experience is anything to go by, YABU, OP.

When we got married, we'd just bought a house that needed a lot of work with a mortgage with fairly stiff payments, and we just couldn't see the sense of spending loads of money on a wedding when we had so many other things to save for. Also we wanted to get on with it and get married coz we wanted to get on babies! So we didn't want to wait and save a long time.

We had a small, local do. 40 people, paid for a nice meal (room in a fancy restaurant) and champers followed by free wine on the tables. No evening of all done and dusted by 5pm. It wasn't 'cheap' towards guests, in that we paid for food and drinks, but it was cheap in that we didn't go all out with a blinding hotel, 200 invitees and an all night party.

My family thought I was being an outrageous tight arse and I was told by several members of close family that I would regret my wedding (!!!). I was accused of insulting people who'd spent £2k on a dress by talking about my £500 dress. DH's family were outraged the extensive family tree of aunts, uncles, cousins, great uncles... You get the idea... Weren't invited even though i hadn't met any of them (still haven't. And they live nearby). We pointed out the expense of the meals fors those ppl and DHs parents offered to pay for them but seemed to think we should fork out the hire cost of a place actually big enough for them all! We were told repeatedly we could have kids 'while we were saving for a wedding' and that it was selfish to have a small wedding just so we could be married when we had kids!

My friends/sister didn't bother to do me a hen do -not even a local, get pissed down the pub thing- because if I wasn't 'too cheap' or 'not bothered enough' to do our wedding 'properly' then I didn't deserve one.

The whole experience shook my world as nearly everyone that attended treated it as a non-event. Yes it was low key but it was still our wedding and we wanted people to care!! DH's mum said to me on the day, all shocked "wow, you actually look like a bride". Yeah, no shit love, you knew I was planning to wear a wedding dress, what you thought because it cost less than £2k it would look... Fake? Too cheap to look like a wedding dress?

So it would appear the mumsnet view of weddings is not a popular one in RL and that most people expect you to bankrupt yourself or not bothered at all if you're not going to do it 'right'. Sorry for the rant! I'm still upset at all the unreasonableness :(

I must admit I haven't been to a wedding in years. But in the days when I used to get invited a lot (ie late 20s), I usually had a good time. The ones that are most enjoyable are the ones where the bride and groom have thought about the needs of the guests: so having a venue that is easy to get to for most people; having the reception at a reasonable time, instead of making people starve for hours; serving good food with plenty of wine; letting people bring their children; seating guests next to other guests they're like to get on with; having a party in the evening with good music and food.

Having read numerous AIBU threads on Mumsnet about weddings, I am really puzzled by the modern vogue for saying, "It's MY special day" or "It's MY wedding so I'll do what I want". That seems to me to be a recipe for unhappiness - the bride and groom will enjoy it, but no-one else will.

I don't like the 'My day' phenomenon they have become. Fuck off to a registry office with strangers as witnesses in that case. If you invite guests you are their host and they come first IMO.

I hate weddings. Total waste of a summer weekend. I politely refuse all invitations.

That said, the handful I've been to that I couldn't refuse (close family/friends) - the simple budget ones were the most fun. Short ceremony, meal in local pub, few drinks, b&g "go away", it's all over by 4pm.

We could have a had a much bigger wedding than we did, our priority though was celebrating a start to married life with the people we cared about. Our main factor when picking a venue was the food!

One confession: we had child free and it was not to do with finances. There were only 3 children who would have been in attendance anyway, two of whom were my husbands step nieces (not particularly close, we've never even met the younger one). The elder one, however, is an utter hell raiser with no boundaries (before anyone asks, no SN, just awfully behaved!). So we decided no kids. The third child was one of my work colleague's and they said they were hoping it was no kids as they sent him to GPs and had a fab weekend together just the two of them. Trying to say, cost isn't always the factor with no kids :)

I love weddings, I love child free weddings even more
I say this as a parent of 3 children who are known to behave themselves wonderfully at social occasions btw, and DS was an usher at our own wedding. But, give me a chance to Palm the kids off let them have a day with loving grandparents and go and be an actual carefree adult with champagne and a nice dress and I am happy as a lamb

I don't like them. Boring and socially awkward. Also a lot of hanging around, usually in a biting cold wind. The cold wind is my abiding sensory memory of most weddings I have been to.

Most of mumsnet would have fainted clutching their pearls at the last wedding I went to. It was in America, flights, hotels etc ended up costing the best part of 2k (but we went for 12 days) and we used most of the money we had been given as a wedding present to pay for it. And I don't begrudge a single penny of it. The groom was one of my hubby's closest friends from school, his now wife is from New York so it was always going to be abroad for half the guests and to be honest we would have been gutted if they had the wedding over here! Within weeks of their engagement we knew it was be in America and were told that they understood it was a lot of money for us to travel and not to feel we HAD to attend but the whole group of guys still in touch from school and their wives attended (babies weren't a factor at that point as none of us had any thought we later discovered I was pregnant while there). It meant so much to them that we were there but also to the grooms family as most of his extended family went into a huff about it not being in the local church and refused to attend (one aunt did go but stayed 2 states away because it was cheaper. She got a bus to the wedding and had to leave an hour after the ceremony). Best of all it had a free bar!

I've been to a variety of weddings in the last few years, hell in the 8 weeks before my own I went to 3! I've encountered none of what appears to be standard grabbyness of all weddings according to mumsnet, of course some people take the mick a bit but in that case why all the drama, say you can't go and get on with your life.

I love the sound of ikea's wedding and pomeral's I like weddings like that as long as I know a good handful of the guests. But the all day jobs in the wedding conveyor belt venues with hundreds of guests = too soulless. I think I now just prefer the evening invite now as well. A couple of hours is about as long as I can look interested

I love weddings. I haven't been to any OTT ones that have cost me a fortune though.

Mrsleo we went to a similar type of wedding and paid around the same pre children as well, to NZ rather than America though.
Best wedding ever!

Oh, a wedding in New York is completely different to a wedding in Basingstoke!

I love weddings, every one I've been too has been great in it's own way. I've declined a couple of invitations from people I wasn't close to, which I was glad of since I really wouldn't have enjoyed the weddings.

Ikea your wedding sounds awesome except the quiz (and here this is just my opinion because i hate icebreakers with a passion, just so forced and uncomfortable).

I did see one quiz of sorts at wedding that was fun but that was because it was a set of favours for the centre of the table and everyone could have a look and play if they wanted. It wasn't an icebreaker though, some played with the cards while others didn't touch them.

What a great tip, thank you Mary!

I've come to the conclusion that weddings are only fun if you are in the immediate circle. That way you know most people and can have a good laugh even during the 5 hour photo break!

I've been invited to two weddings this year (a quiet year wedding wise) Luckily we're away on holiday for both

Technically we're invited to a third but it includes the guests from the the worst wedding I've ever been to, so there's no way I'm going to that fiasco.

Oh Pomeral that must have been so disappointing. I'm not surprised you're still hurt by it.

I used to enjoy them more when they were less OTT. It is always nice to receive an invite but in recent times it got so frequent it felt as welcome as a summons. Saying no isn't an option if they are family weddings and you've been to their sibling or cousins weddings and aren't going on hols.
I have had to spend an eye watering amount of money on weddings in the last 2 years. All family weddings and most in far flung venues requiring a day off work, childcare to be arranged and an overnight stay. They are a lot of expense. We can only give cash gifts to as we did that for the first one, who had their home kitted out well before. What we didn't know then was that six more siblings and cousins would marry after in rapid succession with each wedding outdoing the one before. Another got married abroad and invited only immediate family, which was a huge relief. I wish some of the siblings had done a double wedding at least.