To think it might be true that most people dislike weddings?

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Or have become a grumpy old woman?

(I know the truth btw, I'm not offended)

I think its a fairly recent thing and probably related to the "modern" high expectations from B&G about their day, spiralling costs which the B&G usually pay for themselves, and large guest lists/ geographical spread of families and friends which make overnight stays a neccessity.

I don't think there was so much angst about wedding in the past (apart from the ever present family politics issues iyswim).

Have we lost all sense of reason with our weddings? So many threads raise issues about children at weddings (almost always a cost factor to not invite them and often a problem for guests), overseas weddings dictating the family holiday for that year, expensive overnight stays in remote hotels (oops ), requests for money.......

I honestly think that it didn't used to be that bad. And more people were content with a modest celebration with family and friends, that suited their budget, rather than giant disney princess, magazine cover, tattler style events that we all seem to need. And the cost affects the couple and all their guests with much grumbling for some time.

Am i unreasonable to suggest this?
Am i alone?

Are you married op? I actually agree with a lot of what you've said around costs and expectations with less regard for guests personal circumstances such as finances and childcare. However I think a lot of it comes from not really understanding peoples different situations but also hoping that for this one day in your life they will do whatever is needed to celebrate with you.

I am reminded of a situation where a guest at my wedding complained bitterly (behind my back) about the cost of my "one evening" hen do (I didn't have a weekend away despite the fact id have loved to because I was conscious of people's costs) and that the hotel at the venue where most of our friends chose to stay was more expensive than she would usually choose or could afford to pay (there were also three pubs nearby with much cheaper rooms but she didn't want to be left out, one of the reasons we picked this venue. We also scheduled the wedding ceremony for 3pm so that people didn't have to come down the night before and stay two nights, especially those with children.

Fast forward three years and she is getting married in October. She is having a three day hen do (no option to just go to part of it), wedding is in a completely remote location with no transport other than cars and taxis, and she has demanded we are all there an hour before the ceremony and all at least 4 hours driving from where 90% of guests live (bold and underlined on invite) and it starts at 12 meaning we realistically all have to leave the night before and stay for two nights. Bear in mind there are no children invited at all, so that means childcare for two nights as well for many and suddenly all her concerns for cost and inconvenience seem to have evaporated.

I also happen to know they are doing one of these 3 or 4 hour drinks sessions before the meal which will mean everyone is either hammered or bored!!! We won't be drinking either as we can't get childcare overnight Saturday so will be having to drive home from the wedding.

Have I said a word? Not one. It's not my day, but I will remind her next time I inevitably hear her complaining about what someone else expects from her at their wedding.

I love weddings. I enjoy spending time with friends or family, getting dressed up, dancing, drinking, eating. I enjoy giving a gift that makes the couple happy. Most of all, I feel honoured to receive an invitation to celebrate a couple's live for one another.

I'm interested to know if those who don't like weddings also don't like general socialising - like going to the pub, round a friend's for a BBQ?

I love weddings! I don't mind if my DC are invited or not (although have once declined the invitation as no child care). None of my friends have got married abroad.

The only thing that annoys me is if children are not invited and the invitation says this is in order for me to be able to 'let my hair down' or similar. I love taking my DC to weddings - just admit you don't want them there (which I completely understand) FFS!

I'm very very social. Just regard weddings as the shittest if nights out

Totally depends on the wedding....

A good friends is very different from a family have to be there type IME

I like a certain variety of wedding.
Booze needs to flow. I don't mind paying for it, but have been stood around with no opportunity for so much as an orange juice during hours of photos before.
I prefer a buffet/canape reception, where you can chat to lots of different people. I don't mind making chitchat with strangers, but with even the most charming stranger it can feel forced when you're onto the third or even fourth hour.
And I'd like it either to be cab-able back to civilisation, or have enough rooms for people to stay over. Been to a few weddings where the boutique hotel is totally booked out by the wedding party proper, so staying over simply isn't an option.

I recently went to a family wedding and can say I had a good time. Photos didn't take too long, lovely church, definitely a lovely bride and the reception was in a marquee in a field. Nothing OTT and I spent time catching up with people I don't often get to chat to.

BauerTime that's an average of 5 weddings a year, it's going some!

Do you have a bit of a system going with your wedding outfits, so you can 'recycle' any of them / mix and match at different weddings, so you dont get any of the friends or rely's comparing their piccies and noticing you are wearing the same outfit (a bit like the Daily Fail does, showing Princess Anne or Her Maj at 3 event with, heaven forefend, the same shoes and handbag

Thank you daisy

YANBU! And I'm getting married in October...

However, we're keeping it very low-key (which has caused a lot of tantrums from my mother, who doesn't like that we're not throwing a Big Fat Gypsy wedding type celebration) - local church, one of the local pubs, no disco, no wedding cars, only 40 guests. We are asking people for money though, as we do have everything we need - and we don't want chintzy champagne flutes or another two gravy boats. Sure, everything we own is from ikea but it does the job.

Sorry to hijack thread slightly but I think you're right Mary - she had wedding all paid for, they've backed out of contributing anything (fine, but probably shouldn't have said you would in the first place, they cry poor whilst booking three holidays for next year...!) and yet want total control over our wedding which is 200 miles from where they live?! I think she's upset because my grandparents organised (and paid for) hers. Her lack of independence 25 years ago - not my problem now.

I love weddings and am genuinely gutted that I had to miss one yesterday due to illness.

I will send the gift to the B&G and hopefully see the photos at a later date.

I'm often hungry at weddings. We went to one where the gap between ceremony and food was so long we were ready to go to the local garage for a Ginsters

I love a good wedding (not a shit one though where there's not enough food/it's too serious all day/the couple can't stop snogging/the younger guests get far too silly with the free bar too early on in the day/everyone is as dull as dishwater/B&G start arguing the second they come out of the church, true story). Judging by the list I've just made I seem difficult to please don't I?

What I mean is, as a B&G if you really want to share your day with these people then fine, share it with them, don't just invite them to show off to them.

But I do hate being a member of the bridal party. Thankfully I've just done my last ever bridesmaid role, and I've vowed to never do it ever again!

No...I like socialising, and talking to people. I also like dancing.
I like seeing people at weddings...I don't think it's a terrible time or anything...but formal weddings tend to be quite ordered, uptight affairs.

I usually hate the music at them too.

I detest weddings. They bore me to tears. Waiting around, faffing about, contrived speeches, generally a disagreement between some other couple somewhere, small talk with people I neither know or want to know, religion, people getting p*ssed, falling over and talking rubbish. Ugh.

On the plus side it's amazing how much essential work I find I absolutely must do as soon as an invitation to one is issued.

I don't understand why anyone would go to a wedding unless they really want to.

I do like weddings but they are a massive financial drain.

I spent, £1200 on attending my brothers (two night stay, overseas hen do & a uk hen do).

Next year it's my best friends and it's going to cost even more (hotel is stupidly expensive and it's a two night stay again). Also she's invited me & dh but not the kids. I don't mind the kids not coming but she's also invited my mum and dad. So that's me fucked for childcare.

pictish yes the music is normally shit

Interesting. I guess I asked the question because I just see weddings as a good day/night out.

We go to a lot though. Five a year is average, although we're slowing now and only have two this year and I know of two next year. We're going to have to make actual plans with our friends soon!

ikeaismylocal
your wedding sounds fab except the quiz at the table
I'd hate that
Can't you sit people together who are friends or make it less formal so people don't have to get to know each other at the table?

I hate them. Mine was very low key to the point of hardly being a wedding at all because I hate them so much. Have successfully avoided going to any others for years but have a big one looming next year ( brother in law) that I don't think I 'm going to be able to get out of, really hoping they hold it on a school day so I can't attend ( yes I'm miserable)

Princess, it's just weddings and parties! I love a good beer and a natter in the local or a day out or BBQ-ing with friends.

I've just got no limited patience, especially as the night wears on and the booze begins to flow.

Bil has recently announced he is wedding his Argentinian gf in November, in Argentina.
He thought we'd all fly over for it.

Ha.

I think you just grow out of them

Hate them always say no to invitations

I liked how weddings used to rather than how they are now, or at least the ones I've been too. Church or registry office then off to a hotel function room. hall, or pub.
The last one I went to was my brothers at a very posh expensive hotel. As a guest, it came across as a conveyer belt of marriage and money.
The staff weren't rude but quite disinterested. The music for my Sil walking in to came from a little CD player. There was another wedding the following day, that bride, her mum and two others arrived just as we came from the meal, carrying enormous table decorations seating plan on a large board. There was a real feeling no one couldn't wait to get our B&G out of the way to start setting up for the next one.
The next morning as we came out if breakfast the next guests were arriving. I know its a business but it's all money and not much feeling these days IYSWIM

I find them pretty boring. I'm happy that my friend/relative is happy but I don't look forward to them. I'm not someone that would get married myself though.

I aporeciate I'm in the minority as most people I know love going.