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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not really want my DSes to see their Aunties' boobs!

145 replies

Lemonheart · 02/08/2014 17:16

Have NC because this is quite specific!

Next year, my DM celebrates a big birthday. She is planning a party for all the family in a hall with a disco, a live band ... and burlesque.

The burlesque troupe is run by DSis2, and also includes DSis1 and our cousin. They are very good at what they do, singing, dancing, pole dancing etc, but there is an obvious sexual undertone to all of this, and they do strip down to being topless apart from masking tape on their nipples. I should add that I have no problem with this and am very proud of them and don't think I am particularly prudish!

But DM intends for the burlesque to go on in between the live band's sets, meaning it won't just be late night entertainment, it will be on throughout her party, including when the kids are there. I have 3 DSes, and the youngest two are 3 and 1, so I doubt it will have much impact on them, but the eldest will be coming up to 7 and I just don't know what he will make of it. I might sound like I'm pearly clutching now, but I just don't think it's appropriate entertainment for a family party.

Seeing my sisters' boobs will be a bit weird for DH (he made a yik face when I told him!), and there will be aunts, uncles and grandparents there, plus DSis's own DS. It's a show that is designed to titillate, how is that appropriate when the guests are all family?

I understand that my DM is proud of my DSisters and I haven't said anything yet. I just want to know if I am being ridiculous and small minded first. WIBU to ask DM to schedule the burlesque show for the end of the evening so I can take my DSes home to bed first?

I suspect it will cause a bit of a row if I say anything, and I am sure I will be accused of being jealous and prudish.

Am I?

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 02/08/2014 21:40

in fact it's odd enough for an adults-only family party - why would adult women want their dad/granddad/BILs/uncles and nephews to see their tits?

almondcakes · 02/08/2014 21:45

Purple, Rock of Ages is a 12, but I wouldn't have Tom Cruise having sex live on a pool table next to an alcoholic baboon at a family party and call it entertainment for all ages.

PurplePidjin · 02/08/2014 22:12

Exactly almond even the films aren't suitable for children, and there's a lot less exposure than tits covered in tape in those iirc!

Aeroflotgirl · 02/08/2014 22:15

Totally weird, no no no to see family members performing burlesque in front of other family.

edwinbear · 02/08/2014 22:23

The women performing, are going to be jiggling their thrupenny bits about, in front of their dad's? I suspect there will be a very long queue for both gents and ladies loos at that particular part of the entertainment programme. YADNBU at all.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/08/2014 22:24

It's not just about dads, I wouldn't want to be a mum watching my girls perform this type of show, although I often wonder how the parents of children who do sexually provocative dancing/wearing very little feel (anything from Miley Cyrus to 'glamour' women at car shows). I would find it very difficult and hope never to catch sight of it. Sexually provocative show involving relatives? I feel embarrassed at the thought of it.

Lovecat · 03/08/2014 10:24

I'll admit up front that I hate the middle-class stripping that is burlesque. I have a friend who does it, and find myself on the verge of blocking her on FB because of the stream of pics and videos of her with her tasselled tits out that she posts. She actually does some very funny routines, but although she gets polite laughter for the comedy bits, the whole (male dominated) atmosphere towards the end seems to be 'now get yer tits out', whereupon there is great cheering, whooping, wolf-whistles etc etc

My dislike of burlesque aside, I cannot imagine ANY family gathering where that would be considered appropriate. Even if it were professional performers it would be weird, but that it's relatives... there isn't enough 'ew' in the world for that one... my toes are splaying at the mere thought of it!

MrsCosmopilite · 03/08/2014 10:34

I've no problem with burlesque (just back from a festival where the majority of attendees were female, and there were some amazing performers), but I don't think it's terribly appropriate for a family party.

I would be surprised if my auntie did burlesque - she's 90 and is very unsteady on her feet!

UptheChimney · 03/08/2014 10:52

I don't think anyone should have to apologise or call themselves a prude for finding a burlesque show which objectifies the female body as distatesful under any circumstances.

I can understand a family's rode in their daughters'/sisters' skill as dancers & performers. But I'd be a bit if one of my family thought that there wasn't a sexist politics and whiff of exploitation about burlesque dancing.

soverylucky · 03/08/2014 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SignoraStronza · 03/08/2014 11:00

Oh. Burlesque. For people who think bog standard stripping is for commoners. I got in a row with my (ex) friend, who likes to think she's a bit deviant / arty / alternative - she was on her way back from a burlesque show (cos she's just so cool and that) and was bemoaning a young mum daring to breastfeed on a train .

I wouldn't be able to stop myself from laughing if my SIL decided to pull a stunt like this. I'd just leave them to it and mercilessly take the mic (or prime the kids to do so). Not suitable for a family party but then it wouldn't really bother me too much that the kids saw.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 03/08/2014 11:01

I'm as liberal as they come, as are my parents but there is no bloody way any of us could sit with each other while watching strangers do burlesque never mind people we actually know it are related to! Who thought this was a good idea? Someone trying to bump off a well to do relative with a heart condition??
YANBU. Most definitely YANBU .

desertmum · 03/08/2014 11:04

this has made me snort tea out of my nose! Just asked my DCs (older teens) how they would feel if their aunties did a burlesque routine at the next family party and got their tatas out - they are making gagging sounds and looking a tad green.

Wrong on all levels

BinarySolo · 03/08/2014 11:13

Traditionally burlesque didn't always involve stripping, it was often comedy, a song or a dance. Now tho I think you'd struggle to find a burlesque act that wasn't a striptease.

I know a lot of burlesque dancers (I belly dance and there seems to be a lot of crossover). Pretty much all the shows I've seen advertised have been over 16 or 18s only. Loads of belly dance events have banned burlesque because they want to stay family friendly.

I don't agree that it is women being empowered either. I think it's just attention seeking. Hardly feminist to jiggle your bits provocatively for male titilation.

Maybe remind your dm of the stripper at the 21st birthday. Ynbu, or prudish. It's not on any way suitable for a family party. Very weird and tasteless.

IvyBeagle · 03/08/2014 11:19

ewwwwwwwwwww

You don't have to go! I wouldn't!

MiscellaneousAssortment · 03/08/2014 13:45

No, it's not just boobs out, or 'a celebration of the human form', it's sexual, it's supposed to be sexual.

Boundaries are being muddled and it's all a bit foul.

Purpleroxy · 03/08/2014 13:47

Yes it's odd to do this for family but my 8yo ds would probably laugh himself silly if he saw his aunty doing this. So I wouldn't worry about the kids

PittTheYounger · 03/08/2014 13:48

I LOATHE burlesque. It's just stripping for the middle classes (normally by women who whiffle on about celebrating curves and being chocabolics or cup cake addicts)

Just vile. And wrong for a family party

Topaz25 · 03/08/2014 14:54

At first I thought they would be wearing bras/belly dancer type outfits and I didn't see the big deal but masking tape on their nipples?! No, I don't think that's appropriate for a family party or small children, I think it will be awkward enough for the adults! I actually don't think it's a big deal for the children to see their auntie's boobs if for example she was staying with you and they accidentally saw her getting changed or in the shower, it's the sexualised setting that would be difficult to explain.

edamsavestheday · 03/08/2014 14:57

Yuck. Utterly wrong.

skyeskyeskye · 03/08/2014 15:04

My brother recently had his 40th birthday party. It was a family event with lots of young children there. His so called friends booked a stripper.

About half an hour before she arrived, I was warned about her and told some other friends and one mum took all the DC away to another area until the stripper had gone again as none of us wanted our DC to see what was happening. Think topless, whipped cream and chocolate sauce.....

It was not appropriate at a family party and my DB was not happy about it.

MummyBeerest · 03/08/2014 15:25

Ewwww.

Yanbu, as echoed by everyone else.

You mentioned your DM would accuse you of being jealous. ..I'd love to her an explanation on that one by her!

"But I want to strip for Grandma! No fair..."

Original poster

Lemonheart · 04/08/2014 08:19

UPDATE: Yesterday the DSiss' troupe performed at a motor show where they were asked to keep the show "family friendly" as there were kids about and they were performing at 11am.

Dsis2 particularly was quite affronted by this, and they didn't tone anything down. DM laid out blankets for my DSes to sit on at the front so that they could watch the show. I asked her before the show if they still intended to go all-but-topless and DM got affronted at me and said it wasn't any different to breastfeeding.

IMO, it really was. One of the dancers did a full on striptease that culminated in spinning nipple tassles, they pulled up a bloke from the audience and did a lap dance on him, got him to spank them and then got topless and shook their boobs an inch from his face. Every routine ended in boobs out. Yes it was cheeky and funny ... but family friendly? No way.

DS1 (my 7yr old) wasn't in the slightest bit interested at all, he wanted to look at the cars and get a hot dog etc, so I guess my worries about what he would make of it were unfounded. It pretty much went over his head.

So I guess I am left with just realising what a weird family I have! Pretty much everyone on here agreed with me that it was not suitable entertainment for kids and family but DM and DSisters think it's fine. I have NO hope in convincing them not to do it at DM's party or to even tone it down, so I guess we are stuck with an evening looking at my sisters jiggling provocatively for my uncles and grandad! Wish me luck ...

OP posts:

supermariossister · 04/08/2014 08:23

good luck . I went to a party that the family did a burlesque type routine and I felt uncomfortable as there were lots of children and every family member possible there so we are on the same page with the feeling strange.

Mammuzza · 04/08/2014 08:52

so I guess we are stuck with an evening looking at my sisters jiggling provocatively for my uncles and grandad!

What kind impact is that going to have on family relations ? Are people likely to just take it on the chin with glossed over mortification and pandering to the evident overswing on the "nothing to be ashamed of" pendulum, or could it cause a bit of a backlash leaving sis, cousin and DM on the wrong side of hurt feelings and burnt bridges ?

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