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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend walked out of restaurant without paying

456 replies

GermanHouseCat · 31/07/2014 20:13

NC for this. Long time MNetter, been on the site for years. Promise!

I went out last night with a friend and his brother and girlfriend. The friend lives abroad and is back for a few days so it was a nice chance to see him.

They had already eaten when I arrived (an independent gastro bar with table service) and then together we had a round of drinks before planning to move on to another bar.

We asked for the bill, which included the total of the food/drinks they had before I arrived and then the one round of drinks we had together.

When it arrived, friend said "let's just walk out, shall we?" Before I could even fathom what he meant, his DB and GF had agreed and they stood up and walked out.

I was completely Shock Shock and had to make a split second decision about what to do. The bill was large and I couldn't afford to pay it all - nor felt morally at the time that I should - I put the money on the table for my drink and left feeling mortified.

I am usually very assertive but I was just so shocked I didn't know how to handle it. I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't call them up on it (they were all so cool about doing it) so en route to the next bar I feigned illness and came home.

It can't be a money thing, DF and his GF both have very good jobs, the brother is working.

AIBU to be absolutely mortified at being part of this? I feel that they have implicated me in this and any repercussions. Should I have paid the lot? Should I call the bar and give them DF's details?

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 02/08/2014 15:52

my words were Mountain out of a molehill.
not that stealing is ok.

op is more concerned that she was there than the fact that this occurred, if you read her initial post.

this is AIBU, and I think the OP is OTT

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 02/08/2014 16:08

Yes, interesting that. Matilda goes and here comes slarty.

MadameDefarge · 02/08/2014 16:14

for the stupid amongst us, including me, what was the molehill, and what was the mountain it became?

If it wasn't the theft, then it was the...the...?

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 02/08/2014 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 02/08/2014 16:25

Sorry, that came out wrong. Not for the best that she's trolling another thread. For the best because she's GONE.

Gruntfuttock · 02/08/2014 16:28

Have you clicked on slartybartfast's profile? What she says about herself if enlightening.

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 02/08/2014 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OnlyLovers · 02/08/2014 16:34

Your ex-friend has made it completely clear what an arsehole he is, OP.

I wouldn't worry about the fence-sitters. I agree with others that they might want to hear it first-hand before they make up their minds.

And if they too think it was 'just a laugh' or 'no big deal', then they've shown you their true colours too.

annielouise · 02/08/2014 16:34

It's disgusting what they did. You did the right thing telling their mother and the restaurant. Despicable thing to do and to leave you in the restaurant! Not friends. I'd have called him an arsehole to his face and said he's scum. Those fence-sitting friends - see how they act next time they're out for a meal with him. They'll be sitting there nervous he'll do the same to them. Not worth the free accommodation in whatever city he lives in. Drop them.

SoleSource · 02/08/2014 17:07

I had no idea that people did this! It is theft. Doing this would never cross my mind! It is criminal behaviour. I wouldn't trust a person around my valuables or have them in my home. Thieves!!!

helenthemadex · 02/08/2014 17:42

I really hope your 'friend's' mother has a visit and he has to pay, its not funny at all and it is a big deal

Oldraver · 02/08/2014 17:51

One interesting thing is that a good friend of mine and DF's says that, while he doesn't agree at all with what he did, he doesn't think this should define how we see DF in future

Why though do people think certain crimes are acceptable.. your friends are thieves, what if they had helped themselves in a shop or God forbid your own home. I would certainly look at someone in a diffrerent light if I knew they made a habit of this..just for 'the fun of it'

edamsavestheday · 02/08/2014 18:22

Must be a huge shock to discover your friend is a brazen thief. Does it not occur to him that the people who work at this bar need their wages, and the owner needs to pay his suppliers? Does he think the beer comes for free?

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 02/08/2014 18:52

The thing is, all we've got to judge the OP's friend off is what the OP Has written here. Whereas if you hear from a friend that your mutual friend has done this, it becomes one piece of info that gets balanced against others.

So let's say the OP emails me and tells me what she has said here. I may be horrified at what he has done and particularly the position he put OP in. And if he is a casual acquaintance then that may be enough to decide he isn't someone I want to be around. But if he is a better friend you may start thinking, "yeah I know Chris has clearly been a jerk here but on the other hand he was really supportive when I nearly got kicked out of uni and he sent me that lovely letter when my mum died and he stood up for me when those blokes were picking on me in that club that time". And you also think about the good times there have been. And so people won't be keen to judge the incident in isolation.

And so OP Don't judge your position by the reaction of friends. But don't forget that if if they won't get involved, it will affect their relationship. I mean who would be running to go out to dinner with him now? Or lend him anything of value? Or consider him godparent material. Because it will still affect their view of him. And if he didn't think any of this mattered then he wouldn't be so cross you'd told others.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/08/2014 18:57

That is a good point, Ocado - I guess, for me, learning something like that about a friend would take some off the gloss off the friendship, at the very least, and would make me less trusting of them in the future.

chockbic · 02/08/2014 18:57

Has he been arrested?

Flipflops7 · 02/08/2014 19:03

I wouldn't bother with them again. If they can do that where would it stop?

edamsavestheday · 02/08/2014 22:08

Is it actually legal for restaurant managers/owners to deduct the cost of non-paying customers from the waiter's wages?

EasterEggHuntIsOver · 02/08/2014 22:17

Probably not legal, but they get away with it because people are desperate for jobs.

Pugaboo · 02/08/2014 22:41

I don't think it's strange that people aren't instantly defriending him because they heard 2nd hand about what he did. They weren't there so it won't have the same impact as it has on you, and they won't have heard his side of the story. What's more you can think that someone did something dickish and still be their friend (albeit warily!)

He was really out of order though, what a tosser.

iggymama · 03/08/2014 00:26

B

Gruntfuttock · 03/08/2014 00:30

Easy for you to say iggymama

iggymama · 03/08/2014 00:32

Oops accidental post sorry.

iggymama · 03/08/2014 00:32

Oops accidental post sorry.

Darkesteyes · 03/08/2014 01:21

The people who lose their jobs as a result of these selfish thieves will then probably get called benefit scroungers by these said selfish thieves.

Because lets face it the type of people who do this selfish shit and come up with names for it like Dine and Dash are very likely to be entitled classist fuckwits who look down on people who are on a low income.

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